After countless experiments, I have now gained enough experience and knowledge to write a comprehensive analysis of normal humans. Keep in mind that the data presented below are a result of 80% online interactions and 20% offline interactions.
To analyze them completely would take an entire book. Hence, I will only analyze them in their relation to me, how they behave towards me and how I behave towards them. Thus, this is more like a case-study of myself.
In this article then, it is necessary to define the important terms.
Normal Humans refers to the values, traditions, and norms of the majority of people. It won't be a stretch to call it as the psychological profile of "average person". Likewise, it may refer to the individual who is part of that same majority.
They are usually characterized by their high interest in mainstream media and pop culture, spending most of their lives listening to music, playing games, and socializing with other people. They like being with others and talking to others who are similar to them, which is the majority of people. Their most outstanding trait is that they are highly conforming to society's modern values and strictly follows the System, the standard order and progression of things as defined by society.
Simply put, if they like everything mainstream, if they don't hesitate to watch average romance shows, and if they identify with the majority to the point that they would abandon their comrades if they ever find out that they have different values, then chances are, they are normal humans.
To define myself would be rather difficult and subjective. For the purpose of this article, I will use the Character-Story matrix in an attempt to provide an objective operational definition.
Character:
An introverted adult male in his early 20's seeking to understand the world by relentlessly experimenting on themselves and other online people without any regard for morality, dignity, or relationships. This experiments are purely psychological, it is for the sake of finding out his own and other people's reactions, emotions, and thoughts about a particular situation.
He has the self-destructive tendency to make terrible decisions just to find out what would happen since he finds the results of good decisions as boring. As a result, he unintentionally sabotages all his relationships for the sake of obtaining "research data" in the name of science.
Story:
The character has the typical tragic villain story with lots of traumas and adverse childhood experiences. Still, he aims to be a good teacher someday that will teach people about freedom.
In this entire month of January 5 of my hearts out of 9815 have been stabbed by others. Probably because I have accidentally stabbed their hearts first during the experiments. It seems to be a repeating cycle born from what happened in 2010, 2014 to 2017, where I made some cowardly and stupid decisions that I would forever regret. To think that I would produce the same patterns of behavior in 2024, how interesting.
Normal humans, I can never get along with them, there's simply no way I can be compatible with them and show my true self to them. This is exactly why I don't speak my mind in real life, I remain more silent than a mute, there is simply no way they can understand me. This time, I found two promising humans with high intellect and openness, unfortunately, they did not accept me either. I cultivated them for more than a year but they still did not meet my expectations.
I do not use the word "betrayed" for they are simply being true to themselves and utilizing their own freedom. Regardless how much they hate or dislike me, I will always try to understand them, for that is what it means to be a true psychologist. I simply want to understand this world, to hurt anyone is not my intention. However, I find it interesting when my existence itself is what causes others to be hurt. There's nothing I can do about it except to understand it more and aim for a peaceful co-existence with them.
For them, experiencing my childish pranks is something worse than death. Hearing my innocent questions are akin to a death sentence. They treat my pure curiosity as a bringer of apocalypse. It's really sad, no one wants to play with me. Still, I cannot blame them for they are raised in the opposite side of the world. While they grow up learning about love, hope, and happiness, I grew up learning about pain, fear, and despair. What is delicious to me is horribly disgusting for them.
That's why it is truly fascinating. It really makes me curious. Just why do they think they are more right than others? For what reason do they consider their "standards" to be universal? What makes them so confident in judging others, when they haven't tried understanding them? I'm trying to blame or judge them, I'm simply curious of their strange behaviors that anyone who experience the same life as me will never understand.
As someone who has lived my entire life underground (metaphor), I'm trying to understand this strange world and the strange people above the ground. I'm experimenting so I can understand and get along with them better. I'm choosing to make what they call "bad decisions" so I can understand what's truly "bad" about them and learn to avoid doing them next time.
Of course, I have to enjoy what I'm doing, so I can continue doing it. I find it a great skill to laugh in the face of chaos, meaninglessness, and absurdity, it's better than being overwhelmed by them. Although I do understand that some people find this laughter scary.
Still, my dear readers, be wary. It is so easy to justify one's actions and paint it with whatever color that looks good. Criticize my words with open eyes and understand them for yourself. What I say is merely one perspective when there's millions of other perspectives out there. It is so important for both sides, for all sides, to say what they have to say for good communication to be possible. Make sure to freely interpret it in your own way without being caught up in other people's interpretations.
So far, I learned that the current society doesn't seem to care about those who are socially-disabled, without any social connections or relationships. Everyone simply assumes that you have a friend that can help you or that there is someone to let you know what you have to know. For everyone who has to play the game of life in single-player, they are at extreme disadvantage due to the lack of information flow.
Another thing is that the current society along with the majority of normal people doesn't seem to treat "bad people" as human beings, they see them with extreme prejudice. Thus, even if some of my people reaches the world above the ground, others would simply throw them back again into the darkness. Very rarely it is for them to be given chances to learn, change, and adapt to the new world.
It would be nice if they learn to understand others first before judging them but we all know there is a very long way to go before this happens. It seems there won't be any support for socially-disabled people within my lifetime either. Perhaps if a seemingly despicable supervillain were to appear and sacrifice themselves for the sake of humanity, only for the world to recognize their contributions centuries later, would humanity finally learn to understand and care for others who are so different from them, especially for those who were born in the darkness underground?
When one describes what they see, they must also describe the eye they use to see the object with as well as the mind they use to interpret it.
From what it seems, most of my values and life philosophies are like the exact opposite of values of normal people. While they prefer connection and teamwork, I prefer freedom and solitude. While they obsess over the next best games and songs, I obsess over esoteric knowledge and rituals. They believe people must do good and be good, while I believe that one must be free even if it means they would unknowingly do bad things or hurt themselves.
Although they pride themselves in their ability to quickly judge people and situations despite risking misunderstanding, I'm often slow to react for the sake of holistic analysis. Others would rather misunderstand other people than be misunderstood themselves but I would rather be misunderstood than for others to be misunderstood, though I'm aware this isn't healthy, all sides must arrive at understanding without anyone being left behind. This is a difficult feat to achieve but not impossible.
However, they do not judge me because I'm different but because I somehow accidentally hurt them. How? This is because of the extreme difference in values. Despite what I seem, I always abide by the golden rule, so whenever I do things to others, I am always sure that I would love for others to do it to me as well. Unfortunately, from my experiments I realized that this doesn't always work. Things I would love to happen to me, they hate to happen to themselves, things that would make me happy, would make someone extremely sad. It's always a surprise learning about it.
What seems to kill all my relationships is my excessive curiosity. I'm like a cat who keeps pushing things off the table and finding ways to go inside unauthorized places. I like testing the unknown limits of the universe and see just how far I can go. The only thing that temporarily stops my curiosity is fear. So when I'm given completely anonymity, when there is nothing to fear, I can't help but learn and experiment on things that others follow and obey without question. This often results in bloodshed at all sides.
One thing that's really bothering me is when people get mad about something you're doing by yourself when they'll be completely fine if they didn't hear or learn about it and when they're not going to be affected by it. Like bro, the reason you're mad is because I told you about it, you would living perfectly fine and normal even if I didn't tell you. Why would they be angry? Then they would proceed to explain some invisible social rule that everyone should follow lol. It might be better not to tell those things at all.
Likewise, there's this another argument that seems to work perfectly well yet hides a hidden flaw: "The reason you're able to say that is because you're simply born in a better place, if you were to live my life, are you completely sure that you can still say that? Can you be completely sure that you won't do what I did?" It's a very cliche argument but I can't seem to find my own answer to it, maybe I should try asking chatbots for answers.
Did I hear that right? You're asking me for more highly-specific examples that will get me cancelled and make the whole world my enemy? But why will I do that, why will I knowingly put myself in a practical disadvantage? I already lowered myself enough and said all the flaws about myself that I could think of, it is up to you to imagine and assume the worst though I will neither deny nor confirm any of them. I only follow universal principles, there are no exceptions.
After all, what else is meaningful in life except to explore and share what you have explored? I live in an open-world universe, why does everyone expect me to stay put and chill? Behold, I will question the unquestionable, explore the forests of death, and find the secrets of the universe. The path I walk isn't the path of blood, it simply happened that there was blood in the path I'm walking on, and most of that blood is mine.
Thus, I've arrived to the conclusion that the only relationships that will work for me is master-subordinate relationship and teacher-student relationship where I'm the master and teacher. In this way, there will be no trust required, they'll have to depend on me so they'll be forced to accept me. I am not going to get lost in the stupid labyrinth of social dynamics for the hundredth time, trying to get people to accept my boundless curiosity and unconventional desires.
Now that I'm completely alone again, back to square one, I realized that I'm an independent being who doesn't need anyone to accept or understand me at all. I can simply remain as a mysterious person forever and that will be fine. I don't need anyone's warmth, I can burn by myself perfectly fine. This doesn't mean I won't be experimenting again, I have simply embraced the darkness I came from.
"Suppose there is a perfect lawyer that can perfectly justify everything, then how would you know the truth? What will you believe in?"
"Let the humans do everything they want, for they shall take responsibility for everything they choose."
"In the end, there's nothing more comfortable than the darkness. It's way easier to sleep and dream in the dark than under the sun."