Hi. It's me again. Well, it will always be me, and that's both boring and disappointing.
The past week was consecutive days of bad luck. Maybe the universe was just trying to make me tired enough so I would take a very long nap and finally write an article. Annoyingly enough, it's successful. I haven't taken such a good nap in centuries.
Flowers bloom for themselves and last no longer than a day. I've been hammering this same quote in my head for days. I'm tired of chasing after socioemotional highs like a mentally ill and lonely teenager. Besides, I... I've been holding on to a single obsession these days. It's an experiment, you see. I'm too anxious to ask anything, yet too invisible for others to tell me things. Thus, I must always sell a pound of my flesh for a little bit of knowledge. This obsession experiment is the most dangerous one so far. But I want to test my ability to hold on to a promise, a promise to the same enemy who trapped me inside this glacier. Ah, but what promise could one possibly make to an enemy? I'll let your imaginations wander.
I... want to bite. My fangs crave flesh and blood again. I need a stable supply of flesh and blood every hour. I could hunt some myself, but the problem is, I'm still too shy to devour the entire thing, also fearful that I'll get too fat or addicted from eating too much. I just want to munch on the neck, belly, and hands. And of course, a pair of eyes for dessert. But I don't want to be irresponsible, you see. If I only eat the parts I like, what will I do with the leftovers? My father said to always take only what I can afford to eat, to not bite more than I can chew. Until I'm strong enough to eat everything and every part, without being afraid of being fat and addicted from eating, I'd rather refuse to eat.
Hm I'd better think of something else. All these thoughts are just making me hungry. Indeed, one reason why I don't write articles as much as before is because the amount of forbidden thoughts that I shouldn't think about have multiplied. If I think about the obsession I'm holding, it would feel as if I'm burning alive. If I think about how hungry I am, I wouldn't be able to think deeply about the important things.
Now where was I? I remember my dad bought a ranged electricity detector. It even activates on outlets without anything plugged in to it. If I can find it, I could use it to test my magical affinity by converting my spiritual energy to electricity. But judging by my luck these days, it would probably break apart the moment I touch it and I'll get scolded for an entire day.
Maybe I should use my magic to improve my luck and heal myself of coughing and skin disease. But why should I? Why should I have an unfair advantage over others? You know, no matter how much I crave flesh and blood, regardless of how many magical powers I have, I still want to remain as a human being. In fact, it's one of my most important experiments: how can I live a fun and interesting life while remaining as a human being, without using any cheats whatsoever? Hm I can't promise that I won't use any cheats at all though. But I do promise not to use any absolute level cheats, except when I'm a few minutes or seconds from dying.
Imagination and will, I think these two are the only things a person needs to change the universe. A person with boundless imagination will not get bored, for they possess the potential to make something out of nothing; while a person with unshakeable will cannot be stopped, they can turn their imagination into reality anytime they want. Still, I somewhat disagree with this observation. If no one can stop you, then you become responsible for stopping yourself. To know when you need to stop and when you need to be unstoppable, that is wisdom. And to be frank, I don't consider myself wise enough for that. Thus, I don't want to be unstoppable yet. I don't want to guarantee a victory yet. Even if it means drowning in failure and misfortune, I don't want to slip from my own speed, I don't want to break my bones from my own strength. I already know how to be unstoppable long ago, but I'd rather not, not until I've learned how, why, and when to stop.
Come and take a look at the innocence and neutrality of Curiosity, isn't it beautiful? And yet, I have lost it. I have been influenced, brainwashed by mortals who believes that curiosity is inherently disrespectful and loathsome. "It depends", they cry. "It's contextual", they scream. I can never comprehend how some people would hate a question with their entire life.
Ah, but isn't that the original purpose of a Question? Many will say that the purpose of a Question is to be answered. However, that's where they got it wrong. Several centuries ago, in 594 B.C, the Question was accidentally invented by an annoying little kid who didn't want to eat their vegetables. The content of the question and the identity of the kid still remains unknown to this day, but historians agreed that the kid asked a question not to get an answer, but to plant a seed of doubt in their parents' mind. The more enraged their reactions are, the deeper the seed has been planted in their mind. Thus, if your question caused someone to lose their mind, then it is a great cause for celebration. It means you have brought one lost sheep closer to the truth, one poor sheep closer to salvation. Several years from now, they shall be forever grateful to you for asking that question.
To be honest, living inside an iceberg isn't so bad as you might think. It may be a little cold but it's also very peaceful. Huh did I say glacier last time? Whatever, they're the same thing anyways. Still, I'm somewhat annoyed that even this iceberg is too fragile for me. In fact, almost everything in this world is too fragile for my curious hands and burning gaze. If you think this is already too weird and overwhelming, then how can you ever face me? You need to be stronger. At least strong enough not to crumble in my presence. Geez, I can only hope that this iceberg doesn't melt too quickly. I don't wanna go outside yet.
As someone who always appear as a timid little boi, there's one thing that consistently betrays my true nature; Pride. Although I give myself freely to anyone who ask, Pride will never allow me to beg or chase someone. And this inconsistency, this dissonance can be so daunting to those who spot it. I mean, who would expect such a disgusting pushover, a stupid simp to have so much pride that even gods are forced to kneel? It's better if you didn't see it in the first place, it's easier for me to work with those who ignore such trivial things. It's not a good thing to be too smart or observant y'know, especially if you're too weak to accept yourself and the world.
Unsurprisingly, even the healthiest and kindest people in the world shares some traits and thought patterns with the most evil and deranged people in the world. It's difficult to imagine that those people were once human, even more difficult to comprehend that they're still human, and even more impossible to accept that the only thing that prevented you from becoming like them is because of that one lucky coincidence that you had several years ago. Unfortunately, there's no such thing as monsters. Even those who make it their hobby to degrade and dehumanize certain groups of people are also human beings. Even those that did the most unspeakable and horrifying acts and war crimes are also human beings just like you. Sigh. I suppose it's still too early for you to understand. For you, there's only those who are "Eww", "yayy", and "K.". You can't be blamed for that. It's simply how your world is designed.
I may not be able to do anything in this iceberg, but I think I can still interview the birds and sailors that are passing by. I'll show the entire world, that curiosity IS NOT dead. IT SHALL BURN BRIGHTER AS LONG AS I'M STILL ALIVE, AND TURN INTO A SECOND SUN UPON MY DEATH.