Today, April 9, 2022, is an extremely unproductive, unfortunate, and boring day.
I woke up late in the morning and I didn't manage to hear my alarm again. I'm unable to wake up using my alarm for these past two days including today. For some reason, I feel like my life is becoming a little dreamy, as if it was a dream, so like I usually do with my dreams, I tried using some superpowers.
Of course, it didn't work lol. Then I spent my entire morning playing games with my sister, without going to the plaza nor exercising properly. In the afternoon, I kept playing the same game, blissfully unaware of the consequences that comes from doing nothing. In the afternoon, we watched movies.
When me and my dad went to the mall to get a raffle ticket for a chance to win a tiny amount of money, we got caught by a traffic enforcer since we're not wearing any helmets, and we had to pay some fines. Our already broke household eating the same awful food everyday paid for the fines.
Furthermore, our supply of rice and charcoal has disappeared. The only rice we have left are only enough for tomorrow. Who knows if we'll be able to eat some rice after that. Since our charcoal supply has been depleted, we only rely on sticks and branches we find on the tree ground of our large backyard.
I played the same game again, but my game glitched three times in a row, preventing me from making any progress, so I stopped playing. And now, I'm here again, typing my thoughts on the bed, wondering if there's still something I forgot to think about, some questions I forgot to answer, whose answer will change everything in my life.
My eyes feel cold. I haven't chatted nor talked to anyone lately. Even my only online super friend is sick, so we can't chat. Care. I want to care and improve my life. But I find it extremely difficult, to care for something without receiving anything in return.
It seems that my VPN data hacking doesn't work on the sim that I bought, so there goes my time and money. I'll buy the right sim next time if I ever got some money. In the meantime, I'll use the wifi from the mall and my neighbor's wifi which my dad hacked last night.
So yes, I know what to do, I always know. I know that I have to write some conversation templates, fix my resumes, read some ebooks, continue my online jobs, and hunt some online friends, all the while improving myself for the sake of my dream.
I hate that I feel like I know everything. I want to learn and keep learning. Just what is it, what is it that I still don't know?
I'm such an eccentric, cold, selfish, apathetic, and crazy person. I may know everything, yet I won't do anything since I don't care enough. I may know how to positively change people's lives, but why should I? I don't care enough. I'll only care if someone would tell me how they plan to compensate and repay me, otherwise they don't matter.
Gosh, how can such a being like me exist and survive in this world? This cold analyst build in this isolated environment is the worst. I'll honestly prefer being a dumb and loud extrovert right now than be like this.
Unfortunately, there's no way I can change myself like that. No, I don't want that lmao.
Anyway, let's classify and organize our knowledge.
The known knowns I'm currently residing in are: - Stagnant and isolated environment - Penniless, Friendless, and Jobless introvert - Tedious and Legit Online Jobs, needs dedication - Postal Id, needs money - All Job Postings ARE LAME for unconventional and free people - Legit online jobs are like winning lottery - Shit online jobs (wait and click for money) - Full-time slave jobs are not an option (sales/marketing/production) - Friendships without clearly defined identity and expectations never work
The known unknowns I'm keeping an eye about are: - Sincerely interacting with random people may get unexpectedly good rewards - Passionately researching for an organization and applying for it may kickstart my career - Actually reforming my family might make my life wonderfully dream-like and great - Boldly asking for a real-life meeting to a genuine and interesting online person may get impressive results - Learning the missing piece of Aura Control may actually help me learn superpowers and grant me access to a magical world
The unknown unknowns that might completely change my life are: - I don't know, but I'm always on the lookout. - Maybe some super rich person with little knowledge is just around me somewhere and actually looking for me lol. - Maybe there's a group of rich people online ready to help and invest to anyone with talent and potential in the internet - Maybe a friend group needs someone like me, who'll give them genuine wisdom and advice
Whoopsie, it's already 10 PM, that's it for today's episode on tRanChor's awfully unfortunate yet strangely calm and inspiring life.
It's getting difficult to wake up and get out of the bed when everyday seems like a great misfortune, but I managed to wake up naturally after my dream and the time is still 7 PM. I still had enough time, so I went for my normal routine.
After doing a hundred pushups on 35-35-30 batches, 110 knee touch planks, 40 squats, and full leg stretching, I ate some food and took a bath, before I went to the plaza to write some stuff.
When I was exercising, I realized that the seemingly endless amount of misfortune I experience couldn't be just all coincidence.
Look, I have a cold analyst build on an isolated environment. I'm friendless, penniless, jobless, and a college dropped-out. My parents doesn't have any helpful connections or friends here either. I'm living in a city that speaks a different dialect than me which I don't understand. I have weaker hearing than average. Plus I still endure countless misfortunes and interruptions on a daily basis.
Did you see a pattern? It feels as if something or someone, is tying me down to a single spot, intentionally preventing me from making an easy move or getting out of my situation. If they want to make my life miserable, then they can just make me experience every worst scenario imaginable or kill off the supporting characters. But they're not doing that, because if they ever do, I'll just become more free and have more choices.
If this theory is correct, then why? Why would someone tie me down like this, not only with a few shackles, but with almost every shackles possible? What could be their intentions?
Gosh I'm just a young, simple, and naive introvert — I'm not so dangerous or crazy that they would feel the need to tie me down like this. Though I don't really mind, I can easily burn these ropes, freeze these chains, and break the collar whenever I want to. Heck, I can even break out of here without doing anything, since I'm constantly improving no matter what happens.
I'm like a tree that grows in the dark, that doesn't even need water or sunlight to grow, just the darkness itself is enough, so that I may someday become a tree whose fruits glow with light to guide travelers in this darkness.
Anyway, back to the reasons why it seems like something is tying me down. I can think of a few reasons why they feel the need to do that: - Maybe I improve and grow too fast, extremely fast for a human being. - Maybe they want me to become stronger, preparing me for a possible event in the future. - Maybe I'm their secret weapon in reserve for something that would happen in the future - Maybe I'm just plain overpowered and needs to be nerfed haha.
(Lol it's raining intensely on this plaza while I'm typing this, that the screen of my phone is already wet. It's getting difficult to type, but I can't go home since I don't have any umbrella — the previous one already broke long ago.)
Hmm this article got butchered and some of what I wrote in the last part disappeared. I'll just do an skeleton summary:
In the end, I'm the one who let myself be tied down like this for a long time even when I can easily break through it. I want to stay here more and enjoy the little time of false peace I have left, even when the only things around here seems to be misfortune and solitude, because once I made a move, there will be no turning back, my life's going to become a fun rollercoaster til the very end.
"There's always tomorrow, until there's none."
"Be careful, what you call a curse may actually be a blessing, and what you call a blessing may actually be a curse. The one on the brighter side is usually the correct one."
"Yesterday, I know too little, so I don't want to follow this path. Now, it seems I know too much, that I'm never going to step on this path ever again."