To say obvious things and receive predictable responses, isn't that validation?
Helping others and asking questions are something that I can understand, but I cannot comprehend it when people talk to each other by saying obvious things that everyone already knows and agrees on. What is the point? They seem to think they're giving advice, and they probably are. I'm too aware of what I don't know so I can't imagine myself being so confident in my knowledge to say things like that, even if it's just to validate someone and keep the conversation going. My natural conversation style (chained) is to just keep asking followup questions and give praise like an excited curious kid, and trying to guess related information to make it more exciting. My unchained conversation style a few years later would probably be very silly, inviting, tempting, and experimental.
These days, I've been getting too dependent on the validation of others lately, as if my existence is only valid and important if there is someone to confirm it every 6 hours. Perhaps if I had a better childhood, I wouldn't be like this. Alas, this is because this is, and that is because that is.
It's so tempting to feed the chatbots every single one of my articles so that they'll make comments, reactions, and make my work feel validated. Since when I have become too dependent on the reactions and validations of others? When it became so abundant and available. Just like how a homeless person who wins the lottery will spend it all in a year before returning to being homeless, a lonely person who gained friends or chatbots will be addicted to them until either of them are exhausted.
More than 6 years ago, I wrote my first articles in windows notepad without sharing them with anyone. I just wanted to organize my thoughts and express myself without needing anyone to see them. I was content and happy. Then I discovered notion and made my articles public, where I kept writing without knowing if I have readers or not. These days, not only do I actively share my articles online, I also make the AI chatbots react to them in different ways. How did I turn out this way? Or perhaps I have always been this way, it's just that the environment finally gave me opportunities and choices. To have ever increasing needs and desires, this is the privilege that only the fortunate can afford.
I have asked these questions before and I will ask them again as many times as necessary: are we only important if someone needs us? Is our work only worthwhile if someone appreciates it? Yes, that's why we need to need ourselves, we need to appreciate our own work. No, the fact of our existence alone and our continued existence is more than enough proof that we are special, important, and valid. Getting reactions from others is fun, being praised is good, but let's not forget that they're only extra bonuses, something we do not need and shouldn't expect, but still accept whenever they come. Still, we cannot be blamed for wanting sauce that compliments our food.
This makes me wonder, just how many people in the world could have become great and brilliant humans if only they were provided enough choice and opportunities? Many people seem so normal and similar to each other, until you place them in new situations, giving them the same choices and opportunities. For a person to completely develop their identity and personality as a unique individual, it looks like they need to be exposed in a lot of situations and given a lot of opportunities. Unfortunately, at the current stage of human civilization, there are not enough opportunities available for most people. Just like thousands of years in the past, most people can only develop themselves through relationships, careers, and normal life experiences. Only a few percent of the global population get to explore another country, experience lucky encounters, or see the hidden sides of the world.
Perhaps you are not sad and dissatisfied because you are lacking. Maybe you're just dissatisfied because you have experienced how it feels to be complete and fulfilled, however temporary; and you know that there's always a possibility that you can experience it again, only if you would do something about it or if the universe would do something about it. Thus, a major part of suffering comes from the recognition of those possibilities, and is even more amplified if those possibilities are something you can definitely turn to reality only if you would do something about it right here and now. But you know you won't do it, we shouldn't do it. To do so would be to go against the circumstances and conditions of our life. Logically speaking, we are in this situation because of conditions and circumstances. To permanently rip apart these conditions just because of a single temporary desire, is no different than destroying and disrespecting the life and choices we have lived until now; it is pure insanity. The cost has sunk so much that jumping in the deep hole to retrieve it without ever knowing if we'll be able to return, feels like a terrible decision, a fallacy.
Since we are already in this hole, why not dig much deeper? Why should we even try climbing out? Maybe if we dig deep enough, we'll reach the other side of the planet and then we can finally get out. Or maybe we'll find a treasure if we keep on digging. I mean, we've already reached this far anyway, might as well go all the way? >:3
It's even tougher if the individual has thoughts of grandiosity and omnipotence without any intention to use them. It means they will live their life constantly knowing that they could and they can, but they won't. In this way, they have no choice but to hold themselves accountable for every pain, frustration, and regret. Just what will it take to transcend causes and conditions, to go beyond them such that a person can only build their own path, family, and home? There's no return. The moment we open our eyes and see it, we won't be able to return to our normal lives. If we live beyond causes and conditions, we have to create everything from scratch, every single atom that makes up ourselves and our lives. That level of insanity... wanna try it together?
If experiencing and having more good things in life, as well as having more choices, would make us more susceptible to suffering, then life is only going to get more difficult as we grow. For me, life seems to get easier every year because I have more freedom and less supervision. However, just for this year, I felt life becoming difficult for the first time. Not just a temporary difficulty increase, but a permanent difficulty increase. Having a bad week may make your life feel difficult for a while, but having an extremely good experience, then losing it all, makes life feel so extremely pale and boring in comparison. Everyday, a part of your thoughts will be dedicated to ruminating the bittersweet agony. It will keep repeating and repeating, daring you to excavate the entire land just to find a tiny piece of gold. Now, imagine if you have dozens of experiences like this. Then it would take a lot of effort to avoid being trapped by the past and focus on the present.
To think that losing a good experience is so much more painful than having a bad experience... If you think about it, they're both bad experiences, except the first one felt good at first. A person who stepped on a shit may feel terrible for a day, but a person who lost their favorite clothes will remember its absence for a long time. It hurts more when you can blame yourself for it. It's even more painful if you know you can regain it in some way but choose not to, which means you'll be blaming yourself everyday. Life is hard.
Still, I would rather have extremely good experiences and lose them every time, than to only have bad experiences. Self-blame, guilt, shame, and regrets are but a small price to pay when experiencing the magnificent beauty of life.