I.. somewhat remember now.
The reason why I was so productive during age 16 to 22, is because I was operating as tRanChor. It is a fabricated persona that always asks "According to the Universe, what is the best course of action in this current situation?" before making a move. They have always strictly followed routines and schedules, while giving itself punishments and writing articles every time it makes a mistake, no matter how small.
That's why I was able to make lots of online friends back in the day. tRanChor was someone who would analyze every conversation to its smallest detail, and apply everything it learned in the next conversation. It grew and grew, until it can seem to alter its own mental state in a whim to stop a cough or sneeze, and control the direction of every conversation.
They're someone who would do whatever it takes to reach their goals, no matter how dishonest. They achieved great things and wrote hundreds of articles.
However, in the end, they were disappointed. Almost everything they have built faded to nothing. Their comprehensive guides stop working when used for a long time. After thorough analysis, they learned that the reason why they failed, is ultimately because of them.
Thus, I unplugged them and decided to start over. That's when all my routines and habits suddenly disappeared and every structure in my life failed.
I had to start over. So I created a new build similar to the one before but with some differences. The new build is more focused on instincts and acceptance, which is honestly more difficult to use. This time, I tried to live close to the truth, close to reality, without fabricating anything or forcing things.
It didn't work either. I became too absorbed in games and other stories that I stopped making progress in my own story, until now, where I got severely sick from rotting in bed for several days while having double digits screentime.
I miss the voice of the universe. It was much louder and persuasive back then. Now it barely appears. Ugh. When I was tRanChor, I only got sick for maximum of 1 day but now I'm sick with fever and cold for three days now. But I don't want to bring them back. I have to learn to live and progress without relying on fabrication.
Starting again from level 1 is harder than you think it is. I'll finish this article tomorrow.
I see. The reason why tRanChor was quite successful in other areas is because it took advantage of my innate suggestibility, taking on character traits and mental states whenever it wanted. It's more like drawing mental states and character traits that already exists deep within the higher self, the more they resonate with the higher self, the more effective they become. Case in point: Indomitability. Whenever I hear this word, or even when I just think of it, I feel the sudden urge to look forward and toughen my mental state. It's more of a vague memory than a feeling though, as if I had always been that way.
(Hehe I used a new fun phrase that I've never used before!! I learned it from a very short visual novel. I'll use it always from now on.)
I took a nap this afternoon. It was a nice dream-filled nap. It reminded me that I can always bend reality to my will, not because it was a skill I earned fairly, but simply because that's what I am. Indeed, I have remembered now: I am one of the Great Lords of the Seventh Superuniverse we live in.
Now that I think about it, purely random things are actually easier for the children of fortune to influence. Meanwhile, something's that's not purely random will have unintentional external interferences that may make it harder to influence. As for what determines what is purely random or not, let's leave it to the mathematicians.
Every superuniverse has its own unique principle. In the case of this superuniverse, its main principle and theme, is Destruction and Rebirth.
There's still a lot of things I don't remember. But remembering these basics shall suffice for now.
Anger is the most superficial emotion I've ever known. It only appears big in the surface, making lots of commitments that it can never support. Case in point: it is the easiest emotion to exhaust and forget that it doesn't last for a few minutes with me anymore. Meanwhile that emotion is often silent yet never exhausted, it can remain the same throughout years and decades, preventing people from forgetting their promises and memories.
Gazing at the stars,
The stars gazes back and bows
As the sun falls on crimson sky,
Clouds welcome the heavens beyond
Across countless eons, I pondered,
Found the absolute and indomitable
There's a certain treasure in the world
Whose location and existence are known
Its path, most perilous and dark
Yet those who open the chest shall see,
Infinitely bright and small, ever wondrous
More valuable than all gems in the sky
Woah I've never written such a smart poem before. Not smart as in intelligent, but smart as in smart toilet. Get it? Hehe.