I cannot nap. I cannot think. I cannot be productive. I have nothing else left to read. Time is running out. I must meditate. I cannot meditate. Thus I will write, write, and write. I will write until my fingers give out and time stretches to eternity.
To be a stupid fool, that's what I am, that's the plan. I just remembered I still need to take a bath and exercise. There's so many things to do. Yet I have lost all motivation and discipline to do them. Hope has disappeared from my eyes. Whatever's left in my mind is too busy placing a lid on the volcano called desires. And now both the lid, the volcano, and the planet are breaking apart.
The voices keep telling me, "you knew, you knew it all along". And they're right. But today I must play the fool. Tomorrow I must play the madman. The day after tomorrow, I must play as an overlord. The day after that, I must play as a wise sage. And just before my life ends, I shall return to the very beginning to repeat it all, where I shall play as the demon. Praise the fool!!
Shame, shame, shame!! There's nothing more paralyzing than pulling out your own fangs and cutting off your own wings. I am ashamed to be insane. I am even more ashamed to be normal. To escape this shame I tried to grasp the heavens, only to realize that the heavens are out of my reach. My corruption rate has increased so much that this mind now unironically thinks that controlling every person's thought, emotions, and desire is my responsibility. And there's nothing that hurts me more, than being proven irresponsible.
It was my fault. I wasn't being myself. I can't believe that someone who used to answer "both" would now speak in "neither". I've already answered it so many times but the questions keep chasing me. Will you hunt or will you meditate? Yes, I knew all along. The only acceptable answer for me, is both. I will both hunt and meditate. No, I will not lose myself chasing things. Rather, I will actively grab whatever's in front of me. I promised myself that I will only hunt in my chaos form... and yet I broke that promise. Shame and guilt.
It seems that I can lose my wings or my fangs, but I cannot lose both of them. I become paralyzed when both of them are gone. For now, I'll... reluctantly use my fangs. But I won't use my wings. Sigh... I didn't want to use my fangs. I... wanted to be human. I wanted to be normal. I don't want to spill blood except mine. Why, why, why, am I like this?
I'm tired. I'm annoyed. But I won't use my superpowers. I must stay human as much as I can, until I can no longer be. To experience all the consequences of my foolishness, to experience all the consequences of my stupidity, and to understand the meaning of imperfection; this is what I came here to do. I am human, believe me, I am.
Slash, slash. Slash slash slash, cut, stab. Slash. Sheathe.
One day there's a random human
Skipping, happily jumping down the streets
Going nowhere, going everywhere
Tired, they sit on the soil and ground
Laying on the soil, sky staring at them
Everyone else, staring staring watching
One human walks to the sleepy one
Asked a question no one heard
Spring, jump "Greetings, how may I help you?"
"Uhh why are u sleeping here"
"Coz I wanted to"
"U homeless bro?"
"Za warudo is my home"
"Okay"
Disturbed, the human skipped some more
Then happily sat and laid on the ground again
The annoying one walked some more
"U can't sleep there bro"
Spring, jump "why not?"
"Coz it makes ur clothes dirty"
"Okay"
Disturbed, the human skipped some more
Then happily sat and laid on the ground again
The annoying one followed suit again
"where are ur family and friends"
Spring, jump "nowhere"
"Follow me, I'll give u place to stay"
"Ehh okay"
Curious, the human followed cheerfully
Skipping, dancing as always
"Why do you walk like that"
"Because I want to"
"How long have u been this way"
"I don rememba"
"here's our big house, take a bath"
"eh how bothersome"
"here ur clothes and food"
"thanku"
"sleep here, not on the ground"
"Awwwww :("
"I'll be gone, if anything u need, ask them"
"Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy"
Episode 1, end. To be continued...