Change is an open dooooor-
From reading a weird esoteric book about the Akashic Records, I realized that Change is always an open door for those who want to go through. It's always possible for us or the situation to change regardless of how difficult it may seem.
The only true measure of the speed of change depends on our willingness to change.
Are we willing to let go of our old habits and patterns? Are we willing to step forward into the unknown and face uncertainty? Or have we become too attached and connected to our situation that we have forgotten about the possibility of change?
No situation or circumstances lasts for an eternity. The universe keeps changing on its own, and it eagerly waits for us to change as well.
If, somehow, we have fooled ourselves into thinking that this situation is the easiest, best, and most comfortable for us, then that would only mean that we became too attached to our situation.
They say that we are not the victim of our circumstances, but the creator of our circumstances. As creators, we can effect change to our environment anytime we want, and we are responsible for our creation. After all, we are not meant to be stuck here forever.
It's true, we have been given the freedom to take a step forward anytime we want, at our own pace. We can take some rests or keep moving forward. However, this doesn't mean that we should just stay in the same place forever, especially if staying in that place makes us feel miserable.
With my willingness to change my life when I was a child, I managed to turn myself from a clueless timid depressed introvert into an enlightened timid introvert psychologist, and this is how far it goes.
It seems that the extreme suffering I experienced everyday from not changing gave me enough motivation to maintain a high momentum of change that allowed me to keep changing for 13 years.
And now, I'm out of gas. This is how far I'll go using the burning determination from my childhood. Looking back, this was already far enough — I could have never imagined that the child me would be able to maintain such a fierce energy for 13 years.
Now that I already ran out of motivation which came from my childhood, it's now time for me to refuel my motivation with another goal.
It reminds me of child Eren from AoT anime who wanted to kill all Titans and eventually did it when he reached adulthood, so he found himself another desire to motivate him again — destroy everyone who threatened to destroy his homeland.
I wonder, where can I find another powerful motivation similar to when I was just a child. I only managed to get such motivation since I was suffering from all types of pain everyday, but now my life is empty — without any pain, happiness, or emotion.
It's unfortunate, but I cannot make pain my primary motivation anymore because there's barely any pain in my current situation. With this, I am forced to switch from "reactive" mode of living to an "expressive" way of living — to actively seek happiness instead of avoiding pain.
As someone who used to make pain their primary motivation, I don't know happiness at all, so how can I seek it if I don't know about it?
Even if I were to know it, it would be difficult to convince a prisoner who has spent their entire life being tortured and forced to follow orders, to believe that they are finally free and they can be happy.
It would be similar to convincing a dead person that they are actually alive — they wouldn't be able to hear you at all.
Ahh sheep, this is so ducking difficult. Where can I find another fierce motivation like before? I need something I can be emotionally invested to. Change my life because it's empty? I can't, since I'm actually enjoying it, the free wifi and webtoons I mean.
I guess I wouldn't be able to figure out the answer at this moment in time. It's okay, the most important thing is that I'm now ready to change my life. I'm prepared to experience something different and do something interesting.
Like all other questions, the answer shall come to me in due time. After all, I'm used to answering my own questions since childhood.
"The door of change is always open to everyone who wants to enter."
"Ahh I think I found my motivation — 'something mildly interesting one day at a time'."
"I've had enough rest, let's go."