How bothersome, do I really have to write this? Why can't I just play games all day long and pretend the new year doesn't exist?
Technically speaking, a new year's day is just another day like any other, just like how the number 1000 is just as random as the number 724. It doesn't have to be a special day. It doesn't have to be celebrated either. It's just a way of measuring the Earth's revolution to the sun using a calendar that some people made. Gods and dragons don't celebrate new year either. But maybe they celebrate the passing of a millennia? Who knows.
Although it's tied to physical phenomena, it's more of a sociocultural event than a physical one. If you live alone in the mountains, new year's day would not look different from any other day. But because you live in the city, people will make that day as loud and flashy as possible, with fireworks, trumpets, and firecrackers.
Really, what's so important about it? Maybe the most meaningful thing about the new year is that it allows us to feel, reflect, enjoy, celebrate, and commemorate the passage of time; for us to stop for a moment and look back at everything that never happened, as well as some of the things that happened. For children, new year's celebration is a core memory, to remind them every year that life, in all its meaningless struggles and embarrassing moments, deserves to be enjoyed and celebrated in the spirit of gratitude.
Lol that was lame. I couldn't care less to be honest. This year fried my brain. It fried my skin too. I thought hives would be the worst thing that would ever happen to my skin. Now I've got permanent reddish itchy rashes all over. At least hives disappear after every few hours. But these reddish scales never disappear once they appear, they just keep spreading, until they eventually cover every part of my body and turn me into a dragon of skin disease. The problems I had at the beginning of the year didn't get resolved at all. In fact, they got even worse. Now, the tension between my godlike restraint and chaos freedom has reached the pinnacle. All I want to just keep playing games now so that I won't scratch myself to death.
Playing with fire has burned me so many times this year. I had nothing better to do that I played with the fires of obsession. A part of my mind has been consumed by the flames, that if I were to think about that certain topic for too long, I'll probably lose my mind. Usually my breathing techniques is enough to contain the increasing tension, but it's not enough to deal with the fires of obsession too. That's why I haven't been writing any articles or thinking much lately, certain parts of my mind have become so corrupted and corrosive that accidentally thinking about it disrupts my breathing and makes me feel insane.
It's annoying. I can't believe I made another promise. It's a promise made with my true voice so there's no way for me to get out of it. I shouldn't make promises so carelessly, not because I would default on them, but because I'll fulfill them to the point of inevitability. It would cost me several years of lifespan to fulfill a single promise. What's terrible is that even if other people also made a promise to me, they can back out anytime, which they often do. And yet the promises I made are not only inextinguishable but also predetermined. It's alright, it's just several years of lifespan anyway. I have hundreds more.
The only regret I have this year is that I didn't get burned enough. The suffering and tension was not enough to push me to my limits. Unless I wait for a long time, how can a person transform without a life-or-death experience? I need something to completely break apart. I don't care if it's the world, myself, or my family. SOMETHING NEEDS TO BREAK. If even the smallest gap presents itself, then all the pressure and tension can finally equalize and achieve equilibrium. It's unfortunate but without anything extreme from the external side, I can only wait until time does its magic. Constant low-level agony takes too long compared to a single instance of extreme despair but it should still work given enough time.
I think the power of magic isn't a divine power but a completely human power. It's technically nature power and nature comes from gods, so one may think that it's a divine power. But the culture, knowledge, and practice of magic is deeply human. Because it is human, it is imperfect and takes a lot of skill to achieve. So no, I'm not using any of my power when casting arcane spells. I'm not violating any laws of causality or consuming any amount of plausibility.
While it's true that power comes with responsibility, I think responsibility also comes with freedom. Power, responsibility, and freedom are inseparable from each other, isn't that interesting? But I dare not eat the cake without a glass of water beside me, I'll be too thirsty if I did.