"So how you been?" Ash just comes right up to me in the cafeteria and sits down on my table. She’s gained weight.
"How did you find me here?"
She points. "I’m eating lunch. Right over there."
I look across the sea of tables. The place is just packed. I never eat in here. I have machine cards laid on the table, and I’m playing a handheld, emulating Super Mario. I undo my other earbud.
"So how’s it goin’?" I say this sing-songy, and without meaning it. "Are you back together with Tim?"
"What?"
I shrug.
"I don’t believe you just said that to me."
Ash always gains weight when she and Tim are together. I think it’s because he’s a safe bet—he won’t leave her even if she gets fat.
I don’t say anything. I just look at her.
"How is Jules?"
"I don’t want to talk about Jules with you."
"I saw her at the gym."
"You did? When did you start going to the—I didn’t mean it that way, I didn’t mean it that way. What—fucking—you go to the YMCA?"
"Yes."
"So you saw Jules, that’s great. Did you two..talk?"
"We ran next to each other on the treadmill." Ash makes this funny hand movement. "Side-by-side. Two treadmills. One next to the other."
"I get it," I say.
"There’s something else," Ash says.
"What." I think she’s gonna tell me that her and Jules got into some shit, or Jules tried to read her palm or something, or Ash said something catty and now she was going to try to present it to me like Jules was the one who messed up.
"My dog attacked someone," she says.
"When did you get a dog?"
"Like. Three months ago. Yeah. About three months. Maybe two."
"And he attacked someone?—wait—what kind of dog did you get?"
"A corgi. I named him Beethoven."
I can’t stop laughing. She’s shitting me! "You got a corgi..and he attacked someone!"
"Why is that funny." she says.
"Because—" I start. But I can’t. A corgi!!? "What did he do to the..person?"
"I think you need to get some help," she says.
"I’ll consider it," I say, on the back half of a laugh. I’m gulping air because I love fucking corgis. "When the fuck did you get a corgi?" I say. I put my hand on her thigh and use the other one to rest my chin.
She takes my hand off her thigh. "I got him three months ago. I just told you that. Do you remember?"
"Yeah I remember. I’m just fucking with you. Why did you get a—" Then I stop, and we’re looking at each other, and we both know exactly why she got it.