It's so cramped and hot in our grandparents house. There are little spots for sleeping and taking naps and they're always taken. Thus, I can't take any of my regular naps at all. Whenever the temperature lowers enough for me to take a nap on the solid floor, something always happens and I get called to partake in a random family event, like going somewhere or eating new food.
I seem to have an infinite amount of free time here. Meanwhile, my classmates back in the city are having a hard time dealing with countless meetings and unpaid internships. Technically, they're not unpaid internships because my classmates have to pay for it so they can get accepted, so it can also be called paid internships in that regard.
It's really cursed. The amount of confusion and miscommunication that's happening at school is extremely terrible. Everyone's losing their mind back there. They are made to go from one far place to another, paying expensive fees so they can do more nonsense work that they didn't ask for, while being constantly confused by the negligent and incompetent school staff who can't provide accurate and reliable information. Maybe it's actually a good thing that I'm on a family vacation here, even if I'm constantly being burned by the hot air circulating inside the cramped house.
Sigh. The amount of bullsheep that's happening there is exceeding my bullsheep meter. Now is the perfect time for me to leave everything else and just explore the world. But if I were to do that, how will I be any different from those that walked away from Omelas? Those who walked away may think they are doing a great thing by leaving and not perpetuating the same injustice but I don't think so. Like everyone else who didn't leave, they have also turned a blind eye without resolving the real problem. I mean it's not that simple. Maybe those who left have plans to prepare more before they come back. Perhaps I can do the same.
Seriously though, I think it's still too early for me to reset my turn and regress. I don't think I have suffered enough. I don't think I have experienced the full brunt of bureaucratic absurdity this world has to offer. I can always leave anytime but I won't be able to return here once I leave. And I'm not here to have a good time, I'm here to experience and witness it all! I still have questions that needed to be answered. The story can't just end too early, can it?
Once I return back home, those people are school are definitely going to interrogate me. And it's going to be really fun. How will they deal with someone like me? How am I going to deal with them? How much of my true self do I have to show this time? I'm sure it's going to be really annoying but I'm not exactly sure what kind of annoying it will be. I'm really looking forward to it, ehe~
I don't see what else I'm supposed to do other than to be what I already am.
There are many levels of chaos. The basic level, everyone does it unknowingly. It's when people talk to strangers, suddenly ask deep or silly questions, or say something that everyone thinks but no one wants to say. The expressive chaos where one dances and sings while walking to the park, has a wide range of facial expressions, and doesn't hesitate to show their weirdness, clumsiness, humanity, and insanity to everyone else, especially to those that they don't know. The expansive chaos where one connects real life people to another, forming impromptu groups made of strangers out of nowhere, and gets offered by other people to sleep and eat in their house. The explosive chaos where one relentlessly and audaciously questions majorities, authorities, and traditions without caring about status — oftentimes they tend to scream the feelings that everyone have felt for countless generations yet no one dares to speak of it. Finally, there is the transcendent chaos, where all forms of bureaucracy and apathy dissolves around them simply because of the brilliant honesty of their presence — they can do everything else that other levels of chaos can do without speaking a single word. Their presence alone is enough to ignite the hearts of the people and awaken the eyes of those around them.
It still baffles me that most people think of chaos as something random, disruptive, and destructive; not knowing that that same chaos gave birth to a meaningful and expressive universe. Perhaps the chaos that they speak of refers to the primordial chaos, a newborn and immature chaos with nowhere to go. After millions of years, this sams chaos matured and became the expressive and meaningful chaos that I strive for.
Daily quests and daily rewards is sure to start a gamer's day with games. Yet I dare not touch them for today, when I can simply take them later when I'm finished writing and thinking. That fun volunteer-based passion game online project that I joined a few months ago had become a corporation and started handing out contracts. Unfortunately, I'm not active there anymore so I didn't get the contracts at all. I wonder if I would still be accepted if I reach out? That would be the equivalent of an always absent member suddenly being present after several weeks of absence. The only reason I joined before was out of curiosity. The active members are active because they want to be part of something big and meaningful but I don't really feel that way. I've always felt that I'm already part of something big and meaningful so it doesn't appeal to me anymore.
Let's think of more excuses not to join and call it a sour grape. The amount of discomfort, restrictions, and unwelcome unpredictability of my daily life makes it difficult for me to commit to such high level tasks that are not directly related to my vision of changing the world. Perhaps if I have a lot more free time and freedom, like a person living alone in an apartment, I would have enough mental clarity to take on such tasks for fun. Just because something is interesting and fun doesn't means I'll be committed to working on it. Doing things related to my vision is already difficult enough, I can barely write articles or ebooks about it as my day is too stuck in the cycle of discomfort and relief, of annoying events and playing games. In the end, I'm just too lazy to do it.
Oh what I would give just to live as an expressive chaos and go outside for an hour. But the problem is, nothing is stopping me from doing it. And that's really terrifying. There should be something that can stop me from doing it but there's none.
There should be something like a sleeping facility but way cheaper and more accessible than a hotel or inn. I imagine a large room where there are many bunk beds left and right with same distance across each other, something similar to the scene of an economy class ship. They may or may not be covered by curtains. Either way, only one person is allowed to sleep in each bed. No couples are allowed to sleep in the same bed. You can sleep for an hour, four hours, or custom hours by paying something cheap. Any annoying customers would be immediately escorted outside not to disturb other customers. The bed sheets are cleaned, sanitized, and replaced immediately after every customer to prevent disease and hygiene problems. If you think about it, this is like the poor man's version of my sleeping pods business where customers sleep not in beds but in highly advanced sensory deprivation sleeping pods. Maybe I can make it so those on the first floor can sleep on bunk beds while those who are richer can go to the second floor to sleep on sensory deprivation sleeping pods for a higher quality sleeping experience. Now that I think about it, this is a 24/7 business because people may want to sleep or wake up anytime.
I think most of the world have not seriously considered meeting the social needs of people. They have assumed that they are already meeting their social needs just like in the past. But unlike the past where people live very closely in tribes and villages, people these days live independently on the internet and as a worker in some big corporations. They still think that social interactions can be separated between formal and informal stuff but they cannot comprehend or imagine any form of harmony between the formal and the informal. It would be interesting to read or make a longitudinal study assessing the social skills of people over time. Hm I've read some summaries and it seems the social skills of people today have really become lower and loneliness is now a public health epidemic, not surprising. I wonder what would be the implications of this. Very interesting, my next research would be measuring the level of loneliness of people.
I can't fucking sleep. I've tried taking an afternoon nap again because my hands hurt but I can't believe the second floor is so extremely hot and humid despite being 4 PM. Usually, there's no more heat at 4 PM but this grandparents' house seems to suck all the heat inside. So my hands still ducking hurt. And my parents keep hogging the smart television to themselves watching boomer YouTube videos with lots of ads. I wouldn't even watch anything with ads these days. There's so many ad blockers in the internet and they don't know a single thing about it. Not only this place is so cramped and hot, it is so loud too.
At this rate, I'll just end up playing Roblox all day long everyday. I mean it's not that bad. Humans are always trying their best within their constrained environment, often going against the waves, then sometimes going with the waves. The fact that we have enough agency and freedom to change our life anytime, is something that is very conveniently forgettable. I mean, who in their right mind would try to remember that? Life is easier when we forget.