Again, the winds of loneliness and helplessness swirled around me. Again, I heard the song of isolation and alienation. My online friend disappeared. The house chores are increasing. The school tasks are piling up. And my group members in school about research hear not my replies.
And so I simply watched the sunset at the second floor, talking to myself, philosophizing and thinking out loud. When there is nothing for me to think, when I found no answers to my questions, I began to sing a song. At first, it was a song about the struggles of life, as I continued, it became a song about death.
Then I was happy and free, for I have remembered something so important that I have forgotten all these days — that I will die someday. There will be a time where I'll close my eyes for the last time. There will be a time where I'll give my last breath. Eventually, my body will turn to dust and return to where it came from, just like everyone else that came before me. When that happens, there is no more struggle for meaning, there is no more regretting the past, or hoping for the future. Life gave me the opportunity to see the stars and stretch my hands for it, and for that, I am happy.
In a single heartbeat of the Earth, I lived and died. Just like the birds and animals I saw when I was a child, I will return to the place where I came from. Just like the mighty giant trees and legendary heroes of the past, I will fall to the ground. This wooden floor below my feet and the wooden pillars that support the ceiling, they were are all beautiful trees. They were cute little plants. Nature cared for them and raised them, and now they're caring for me. Without these wooden floor and pillars around, I will have no second floor to watch the sunset from.
I can't believe I forgot something this important. After all, it is death that gives meaning to life and it is life that gives meaning to death. I am so grateful, so happy knowing that death will always free every slave in this world without fail, that it will happily embrace and comfort all miserable souls who lived in pain, and that it will always welcome all those who have struggled for their life. I will never forget about it again.
For death embraces everyone regardless of who they are, everyone becomes equal. The cremated ashes of a hero is no different than the ashes of the poor and sick. In death, there is no such thing as superior or inferior, everyone is the same. Even the strongest people in world sleeps peacefully on the ground below my feet, and someday, I will be sleeping them, along with everyone else who has passed.
For death walks alongside with the living, patiently waiting for the time they have to return the borrowed time they were given on this world. Yet if one would simply ask death to take them away, then it will happily do so. It takes so little for one to be embraced by death, they simply have to ask and death will always be there for them. Whatever the consequences are, it will not be their problem anymore, they don't have to worry about it any longer. They won't need to complain about not getting enough sleep either, death will ensure that they will have the best sleep, the sweetest dreams, and the most peaceful slumber that no one will be able to disturb.
When life feels so heavy and unbearable, I shall remember the liberating smell of death. I will remember that even the most oppressed and confined can reclaim their own freedom by simply holding the hands of death. When life feels so empty and lonely, I shall remember that death is always walking beside me, patiently waiting for the time I will take their hand. When life feels so happy and beautiful, I shall remember that it will not last forever, therefore I will appreciate and enjoy every moment of it.
Whenever a situation comes where I would rather take the hands of death than continue waiting for my doom, then I will spread my wings and soar the sky, escaping the clutches of suffering. I will explore new lands and build a better life for myself. Yet if all my efforts came to naught, if I happen end up in the verge of starvation, then I shall gladly answer the call of death on my own, instead of waiting for it to call for me.
Someday, if I ever happen to break this tiny pot, if I ever happen to come out of this suffocating shell, then I will realize that certainty has abandoned me. When that happens, my decisions will be no longer be right nor wrong, I will never know whether I did the right thing or not, I can only believe in what I think is true, even if it may end up being a lie. When our parents make stupid choices for us, we can just blame them. Yet when there comes the time when we have to make stupid decisions for ourselves, then we can only blame ourselves.
Perhaps the confidence to make our own stupid decisions and welcome death whenever it knocks on our door, is the greatest freedom of all.
"While the sun is still up, one ought to wake up and live. They can sleep once the night has arrived."
"It is easier to write knowing that you can stop writing anytime."
"Life is freedom, yet it is death that frees us from life. Thus, death is the ultimate freedom."