Aaaaaaaaàaaaaáaaa
In life, there are many times where you'll need x to get y. But the benefits of y is necessary to get x in the first place. There are many, many such cases.. You can say it's everywhere. How are we supposed to deal with that?
The easy answer is.. you don't. You get other people who's already on y, to give you the benefits of y so you can get x. The most common answer is, you and other people in similar situations team up together to get y. Bruteforce and trying it over and over again is the most difficult answer. Trying to be smart and create a precise strategy to reach y? Such a delicate plan would crash under the sheer inconvenience of the current situation before getting x, the relentless interruptions of others, and the omnipresent Murphy's law of existence.
Society. Ducking sucks. It's designed in a way that if you're not working together, then you are working AGAINST each other.
Trying to be fair.. in an unfair world... is such a heavy burden to carry. Not to mention the chronic and permanent debuffs you're born with makes everything dozens of times more difficult. To live in a life like this, is no different from carrying the burden of seven lifetimes at once, except without the novelty it's supposed to provide.
This. All this isn't working. Even if it somehow will, it takes far too long for the payout to arrive. No matter what or how much we draw in this canvas, it won't just work enough. It's not that our drawing skills are bad. It's that the paper sucks to begin with. The entire premise is so wrong that despite starting from scratch ten thousand times, nothing meaningful will ever come out of it.
We're going to need a new canvas.
What big words. I don't even know what the hell I'm saying. For now, the only thing I understand is that I need to think of things differently, plan differently, see things differently, and do things differently.
As a start, I'll join a random zoom meeting I found in my email. It just so happens at the exact hour of my sleeping time.