Just like how humans are fundamentally hypocritical, life is fundamentally helpless.
After an entire day of depressive episode yesterday, I realized that life is fundamentally helpless. If you want to do anything or make something happen, you need to move. But even if you try your best to move, it's possible that you won't get any closer in reaching the things you want.
There are often many persistent and annoying sensations that last for a long time. For example, the word "episode" is highlighted in blue by the google gboard and it wants me to correct it to "episodes", but I don't want to. I am helpless in changing it unless I turn off the grammar checker in the gboard settings. It was by sheer luck that I was able to remove that eyesore, but most eyesores in life aren't that easy to remove.
For example, I have a persistent itching on my upper legs now for over a month. I went to the doctor and got meds and creams to treat it. However, it still didn't work. The itching persists and I'm out of funds to visit a doctor again. Notice how there's currently no way for me to deal with it in conventional ways. The only thing I can do is to practice my breathing and mindfulness techniques so I can keep living despite the itch.
I know my definition for helplessness is a little weird. Since we can still do something about it, how are we helpless? We are helpless because there are situations, conditions, and circumstances that we cannot change no matter what we do about them. That is, if you only resort to conventional means.
In life, there are extreme possibilities and choices. These unconventional choices, I call them Chaos. They are choices of reckless abandon, where one risks the safety and certainty of their normal life in the hopes of making a radical change which can either destroy or elevate their life. They are possibilities that often lie beyond the individual's conditioned personality and society's norms. To attempt them is no different than accepting a deal with the devil, you'll never know what you might lose or gain. Either it will be the best choice you will ever make or the worst regret you'll ever have.
The existence of Chaos does not make you any less helpless and clueless than you are. Forever must you be clueless about the future, always must you be helpless about the results. You shall perform in the stage and you will be judged by the unknown. You will never know the judging criteria, neither will you see the face of the judges even if you live for hundred lifetimes. Those who obsess over extreme success must not only risk their entire life in their performance, they must also be prepared for extreme failure. This is how it is, and the play must go on.
Ironically, it is only when you accept the fundamental helplessness of life can begin to move gracefully. Those who resist it will experience overwhelming anxiety that will impair their performance. If you are hungry, you must eat. If you are thirsty, you must drink. If there are exams, you must study. Because you are born, you must struggle. For as long as you are breathing, you must keep struggling, even when you are dying. Seek comfort and refuge not in the fantasies of escape or the applause of the audience, but in the freedom of expression in your performance. You may not be able to escape the script, but you are given choice in how you do it.
The only freedom you can ever have, is the choice in how you will struggle and suffer within the confines of the stage, performance, and script under the indifferent eyes of the judges.