It’s after the preview show. I’m downstairs at the theatre, Black Box 101. There’s a red couch there I like. If you ride the elevator all the way down, below the street, there’s a floor there with some classrooms. All the classrooms are locked but outside, in the elevator lobby, is this red couch with laid-back sides and hardly a back. It’s more like a chaise, those things..you know those European-looking loungers? It’s a couch like that. The red is deep, deep red and it has these buttons pinched deep into the skin of the couch. It’s..like..four inches from the surface to where the buttons go, closer to the core. I love to go to that couch alone. I just lie there after a show.
Unfortunately this time Chad and Penelope came down with me. Ash is upstairs talking with who knows.
“Oh, this is nice!”
Chad tries one of the doors.
Penelope lies back on the red couch, taking up the whole thing.
Chad squeezes her leg, on the thigh—he practically grabs her crotch.
I sit on the edge of the couch, half-on, half-off.
"Get over here!" And Penelope pulls me so I’m sitting next to her face. This is after me Ashley and her had our ten-second threesome in my apartment bathroom, so I’m comfortable sitting next to her I just don’t always like to be sitting right next to someone’s face.
Chad and her are flirting.
“See?” Chad is saying (to me), “This is like a crack whore..on crack.”
I look at him doubtfully.
Penelope’s moving his hand and he’s straight up touching her pussy now, he’s wiping his hand across it.
“Is he always this boring?” Chad says, “when he’s not..on crack.” Chad and I have never smoked crack together that’s just how he talks.
“He’s not boring,” Penelope says, “he’s just got Juliet on the mind.”
“Is that what it’s short for?” I say. I guess I’m staring into space.
Chad is like: “Whoah. Brother. You are deep into that shit.”
I touch Penelope’s pussy—throw Chad’s hand off. “Chad, you don’t even know what kind of crack whore this is.”
Penelope nods.
And then I reach down her clothes and down her underwear and I put my finger between her pussy lips—which is the first time I’d done that with Penelope.
And Penelope looked very shocked.
But she didn’t move my hand.
And I didn’t move it.
But she looked at me like “Oh, my, god, I don’t believe we’ve taken it to this level.”
Then I started feeling weird about it and like why was my hand there between her legs and it started to feel clammy, so I took it out, and I didn’t smell it, and I didn’t wipe it on my pants I just set my hand delicately on the arm of the red couch chaise thing and Chad and Penelope and I all had a moment of silence.
“Did you just put your hand down her cunt?”
“Chad!”
“Did you just..put your fucking hand..right down her—“
“Chad!”
“Shut the fuck up Chad,” I say.
And Penelope says “How do you two know each other?”
“We smoke crack together.”
“We used to.”
“We used to smoke crack together.”
“Yeah,” Penelope says, “What do you do now?”
“Now that we’re done smoking crack together?”
Penelope nods.
“Fuck crack whores.”
“Yeah?” Penelope’s getting flirty with Chad.
“Pretty much.” And Chad starts getting cozy with Penelope again. “Have I ever told you,” Chad says, “My Top Ten Reasons You Know You’re Addicted to Crack?”
Penelope giggles and says “No.”