I want to buy and learn to play a flute. It sounds so dreamy and portable.
It's been a few days since I instilled myself a discipline of Sharpness and Dignity. I've been so extremely productive since then. You see, I was supposed to workout tomorrow because tomorrow is my bath day. And like a habit, I was about to waste an hour of time this morning doing something lame. Instead, I decided to workout, take a bath, and wash the dishes instead. Impressive, right? I'm more impressed to be honest. I didn't expect that the meditation about Sharpness and Dignity would last so long. Both my routine and mindset have been completely flipped on its head.
And now, I am like a stonebound sword, sharp and unyielding, immovable and powerful.
It's a little problematic because I've become so sharp that I can easily cut through lies and illusions. There was one fun illusion this morning showed to me by an experienced magician. If it was me a week ago, I would have been overjoyed. But I didn't feel anything. I knew it was all lies to begin with. But I couldn't see through the trick. It was so annoying. Still, I'm sharp enough to realize the trick when it ended. That illusion was a little dangerous though, that if I was myself one week ago, I would have already been squirming and ripping my guts out. Thankfully, the sword is dignified enough not to fall prey to mere sleights of hand.
It feels somewhat weird to find both lies and illusions so revolting. They used to comfort me, you know. They're my bed and pillows. I loved sleeping on them. But now I would rather sleep on the mud than sleep on that same bed. I even tried sleeping on that bed tonight. Do you know what happened? I ended up accidentally slashing both the bed and the pillows. Why am I even surprised?
Most of my life these days are simply about discipline and routine spent in solitude. Now that I am a stonebound sword, it feels natural to me. The weight of the world, the crushing emptiness, it doesn't feel so alien anymore. It used to be so terrifying and wrong but now I can see that it doesn't exist outside me, rather it is within me, an important part of who I am. It is not the weight of emptiness, rather it is a weight of my existence pressing against the weaves of the universe.
I'm not really alone though. I have someone waiting for me from 5 to 10 PM. There's also two other people who enjoys my company. It may not be as exciting or passionate but it's still wonderful nevertheless. I'm glad.
Still, it feels like my life is somewhat rigid. I feel like there should be a scarf or something attached to my handle, which would gracefully move and dance in the direction of the wind. I am already sharp and dignified enough. What I need now is Grace. The leaves swaying so freely on the tree, that is Grace, the grace I aspire to become. My current actions and movements feels a little forced, disconnected, and disjointed. Yet I feel like if I have enough grace, I can make my entire life, my entire routine and discipline flow freely like a river, completely interconnected and natural.
To be so graceful like the birds in the sky or the leaves on the tree, isn't that beautiful? Who would have known that a series of fluid motion feels less heavier than a still object? I'm sure many scientists and people do. It's common sense after all, a vehicle with wheels would definitely move smoother and carry heavier things than a still rock. Hmm perhaps I need to meditate on the meaning of grace soon.
Not that there's anything wrong with being still. It's completely possible for something so still to be graceful, just like that of a stonebound sword with a light scarf around the handle. It's such a poetic imagery, don't you think? Imagine seeing your reflection on a stonebound sword, with your face reflected on its sharp blades.
The sword may seem harmless for now, yet once it is finally unleashed by a powerful ruler, this entire world shall be covered in blood. Make sure you enjoy the scenery until then.
Centuries and eons of solitude may pass, yet the sword's loyalty remains.