Too awake, I cannot even take a nap. Everything is so itchy.
My eyes are wide open. Perception, presentation, reaction — this is the body. History, knowledge, representation — this is the mind. Existence, survival, meaning — this is life. Work, attraction, repulsion — this is society. I can see with great detail in which my arrogant and insolent mind interprets the world, ceaselessly demanding results and progress.
Totally pointless. There's nothing to deserve, nothing to be entitled about. The world seems to operate in cause and effect, at the same time, synchronicity. It has became a game too stressful and obsessive over results that all the colors are gone. One thing must lead to another. No, that's not quite right. Ten thousand things, plus an enormous amount of time, lead to another. One thing leads to nothing.
This map we call "better than nothing", is actually "worse than nothing". It fails to show the new roads and landmarks that have been built. It keeps the old landmarks and places that have been annihilated. Oh what great peril awaits to every traveler who relies on such an outdated map! It's more useful to use such map as a food for the fire than as a guide to your destination!
Alas, I have been too spoiled that I expect everything to arrive on a platter. It's a plate so small that even my hands would fit more than what the plate can contain! Just who am I to think that I can live comfortably without dirtying my hands? Why did I think that everything would turn out perfectly as long as I follow the guide? No, it is not that I'm the unluckiest person in the world — I'm the laziest person in the world! Better to be lazy than to work oneself to death, yet it's best to do what you can and reap what you sow.
Slothfulness, is a choice. Acknowledging it, must not come with the poison of blame and condemnation. Looking at it differently, it's just another way for one to enjoy and simplify their life. Yet it's neither as effective nor enjoyable as we think. Everyone finds solace under the night sky but the morning can only be understood outside the bed. Indeed, this night is long, yet it's about to end. It's time to prepare and meet the guests.
More often than not, it is the silly and unrelated side quests that makes the main quests more tolerable and enjoyable. It's not what we know that can bring us success, it's those that we don't know that we don't know. If you cannot find your keys, try looking at the unexpected, unthinkable, and impossible. Otherwise, turn the house upside down and search every corner ten thousand times. Only then you will be tired enough to remember that your keys was in your wallet all along.
One does not get what they deserve. They get what they get.