I think I've been consuming too much anime and webtoons lately, that my mind that was once creative now looks like a drug addict in need of its webtooon fix.
How terrible, overconsumption sucked all the creativity out of me. I still remember the time where so much creative thoughts and ideas flow in my mind that I write two to three articles per day, despite the writing quality being awful.
I still remember the time where mind would automatically make a song or poem for every dramatic situation I find myself in. I still remember the time where writing is all I have, so I wrote and wrote and wrote.
But now I've been turned into a mindless zombie consuming everything on sight like anyone else. How sad, how unfortunate. It would be great to return to the good old days, but I can only keep moving forward.
After all, in contrary to most games, life doesn't allow reset and restart, one can only live with what they have right here and now. One can't get new parents. One can't get new brothers and sisters. One can't erase all their memories and start all over again.
Thus, there's no choice but to bear the consequences for our mistakes for the rest of our lives. All those seemingly shameful and awful memories, we'll all carry them for decades and take them to the grave. We shall feel the weight of our experiences for every step we take.
Humans have the tendency to close their eyes to everything in front of them, while looking for things that doesn't exist far away, not knowing that everything they've been looking for are already there, waiting to be opened.
The cycle repeats, repeats, repeats, and repeats over and over again. How many times has it been? Ten thousand cycles? Hundred thousand? I have no idea. I have long forgotten. It's all the same problems, the same thoughts, the same emotions.
Ah so this is what I should do next time.
It happened again! I got this, i got this.
Aaaaah! So much emotions, so much thoughts, I forgot what I'm supposed to do!
Oh sheep, i messed up again.
Ah so this is what I should do next time.
This cycle repeats for thousands, millions of times until people's motivations burn out, memories disappear, and all hope disappears.
Well I guess it's natural, there's nothing wrong with it since the universe designed it. But still, it's kinda annoying, especially when one tries to remain awake and sane through all of it.
Ah look at this stupid urge to go to some random social media website or webtooon page and just scroll all the way down to the abyss! Just what the hell do you want? No, a better question would be, what the hell do I want? I don't know, I have long forgotten.
Ah look at this stupid urge to do something, be with someone, and go somewhere! Why? Is it under the assumption that nothing will happen if we do nothing? Is it under the fear that life will forever stay the same of we don't so anything? Is it under the socially conditioned response that something bad will happen if we don't meet our own expectations and others'?
How troublesome, to fear both the known and the unknown at the same time. The known is feared because it's assumed to be boring, tedious, and stagnant. The unknown is feared because it's assumed to be incomprehensible, dangerous, and unpredictable. Gosh, let's just go live the rest of our lives in fear.
Some things change more often than others; our cells born and die extremely fast. Some things takes awhile to change; some tiny bugs and insects born and die in just a day. Some things takes long to change; people born and die after many decades. While some things takes extremely long to change; the sun will perish after billions of years.
Even this professional girl in a cool suit with a proper posture who always seem to be sitting on a bench just few meters away from me would eventually disappear just like a gust in the wind, never to appear again.
Thus, everything changes, yet we notice less than 0.00001% of all the changes happening around us. When we were a child, it's fascinating to observe animals that move here and there. As we grow old, the cycles get more ingrained within our soul, that it's normal to hear news of a relative or someone we know reaching the end of their lives.
Open our eyes as much as we can, we can't notice everything. We can't notice the subtle influence of the world to our mind. We can't notice the biased egocentric perspective we view the world. We can't see the emotions that boil within us and turns into vapor we exhale. We can't see our eyes, we can't see our face without looking at the mirror.
Having so much we can't see, we're effectively blind. To trust our eyes and senses, to believe in our temporary thoughts and emotions, makes us a blind man without a cane or guide dog, bound to stumble and fall.
To think that we can win today just because we have experienced countless cycles of defeat, only ends up in failure. It's necessary to have a Guide in this world, so we don't have to rely on our senses, emotions, logic, and thoughts to see the truth.
Because we cannot see the truth. We do not know the truth despite the thousands of years of our stay in this planet. If not thoughts, not emotions, not senses, then where is the truth? How can we find the truth of this world? It's an interesting riddle we'll eventually answer in our own.
Perhaps it would be best to see the world and its objects not in isolation, but in relation to how they change the world around them, and how they themselves are the result of changes of the world around them.
Nothing is static, nothing remains the same. Observe the changes, notice the difference. The cycle is far more simple and complex than you think.
Ugh my situationalysis turned into a life lesson again. I think if I ever became a parent or teacher every word that comes out of my mouth would be a life lesson. I should read the book of changes and perform some divinations.
"Why must there be a quote at the end of every article?"