My first personality analysis.
Tags: Personal, Short, Analysis, Self-improvement, Reflection, Unformatted
Currently, my personality is a passive introverted observer who wanders around without feeling any attachment or desire for something great. As a result, moments of hedonism where I indulge in binge reading webtoons and endlessly playing games is quite common.
I have enough imagination and willpower to transform my life at moments notice, but I'm severely lacking at courage and desire, forever undecided and wandering around in this world, hoping to see something interesting before I die.
Needless to say, my personality is erratic and chaotic most of the time, with some days being completely productive, some days being suddenly hedonistic, and some days overworking like crazy.
Therefore, I'm not in a totally depressed mode, I'm just in a completely passive and natural mode, doing whatever I feel like doing.
My attention span is still good enough to easily complete house chores and finish books in one go, plus write analysis articles like these, so I don't have any ADHD if that's what you're thinking.
I am only one of the few natural analysts and observers wandering around in this world, with my true abilities and personality lying completely dormant waiting for the time when I'm called. Though I'll probably end up stagnant and dead if no one called me for something.
My desire to fulfill my dreams remains there, but isn't as strong nor lively as before. At the very least, it's a candle that provides me light from these dark times, and at most, it's a shining star that brings both enemies and allies together.
For now, it's a mere candle, one that never burns out.
You can view as me just waiting for my imprisonment term to end and become finally free. At the very least, I'll probably have a child or adopt one where I can pass all my knowledge and skills, hoping that that child would be able to utilize them better than I do.
Still, being dormant and passive like this isn't really like me. It's just how I pretend to be, how I want other people to see me. But is that really how I want other people to see me?
Now who am I really? There's an extremely large gap between what how I see myself to be versus what I pretend to be. Even now, the personality gap keeps getting larger that even myself is having some doubts whether that person I'm talking about is just a figment of my imagination or is actually me.
Behold, this is the personality image I've been clinging to and protecting all time, trying my best not to let society influence it one bit or take it from me. Holding it with all I got even if I can't seem to release it. Though it probably didn't need any protecting, I suppose...
What kind of person I really am?
I imagine my true self as the craziest bastard around, without giving a single sheep about the hierarchy, authority, or the rules.
If at the current moment, I seem chaotic and unproductive, the true me would be hundreds of times more chaotic, so chaotic that the chaos actually becomes "productive".
On the other article, you probably know that I'm a little terrified of my true self because of the amount of chaos it would bring. There would be so much chaos that there would be no way to calculate the consequences. I won't probably even have any time to think.
With an ever-present annoying smirk that would drop all kinds of sarcasm and clever retorts all the time, without fearing for any punishment or authority, just imagine what would happen to the unlucky rules and order who happen to bump with this guy.
I can only offer my sincere condolences in advance to anyone who happens to annoy this madman in the tiniest bit. If the devil of mischief were to be given the weapon of psychology and the cloak of spiritual transcendence, not even the kings and queens of the country would be spared from his tricks.
Luckily for them, this madman is completely restrained through the powerful bond of blood. Although he may try to mess with an entire country for fun, he wouldn't dare to hurt any of his family in the tiniest bit.
It seems that it has been completely hard-coded not only in his genes, but also in his brain and experiences, that to hurt one's own blood is something that must never be done no matter what.
Unless that powerful leash would be severed in some way, a dog can only stay put in its cage, eat, drink, and sleep all the time.
To remove that leash involves being completely independent — being completely confident that you can find a shelter, eat food, and remain healthy without anyone's help. To say that it would be difficult would be a huge understatement.
Can you simply go to any random person living with their parents and persuade them to separate from their parents and live alone? Even if you would offer them a house or a place to stay, no one in their right mind would agree.
If I were to become my true self, I should be prepared to be disowned and live entirely by myself at any moment. And there's just simply no way I would do such thing.
Therefore, I shall just wait. It is not the best solution, but it works... hopefully, it does.
Thus, I'll continue living my life as a simple, innocent, and clueless observer who wanders around, observes people, and write things. If this is what I'll do for the rest of my life, then I'll be content with this.
Or can I? Can I really be content with such a simple and stupid life? I realize it just now, but one of my powerful desires is to grow endlessly, unlike the people around me who has refused to grow and deluded themselves to believe that they had become all they are worth.
I may be taking the form of a scaredy cat observer who can't even approach cute people and talk to them, but I'll still won't stop growing.
To be bold, crazy, and courageous is just one of the few doors a person can take to grow and flourish, there are so many doors and opportunities left.
If the front door to success won't open, I'll keep going on one of the side doors until the day comes where I can now open the front door.
I imagine a labyrinth filled with rooms of the same squared space, with one door for each side. The way for success is the doors forward, but if I can't seem to somehow go forward, then I'll go sidewards until I can do it. If that still doesn't work, then I'll try opening every possible door for growth at my current location.
While it may seem that I'm completely stuck for now, not being able to approach people and talk to them, nor find a job that would suit me the best, I have been constantly improving my knowledge of psychology and I'm currently on my way to become a magician.
Even at this stupid weak ass form of mine, I will not stop growing and learning.
Deprive me of care and I'll care for myself. Deprive me of school and I'll teach myself. Imprison me in a jail and I'll expand the domain of my mind. Throw me in an isolated island and I'll build my own castle.
That's right, this is me. An ever-curious student who'll learn everything and anything with or without guidance.
Although this form of mine isn't even remotely close to my true self, this isn't half-bad at all. I can at least, stay alive and grow in this form until I can find some opportunities to free my true self.
(This article has been written months ago, hence the information posted here might be already outdated.)
"An article without even a solid proposed solution to the problem, how rare."
"For now, observe and learn. Tomorrow, we go to war."
A fulfilling life requires three things:
- Live every second to the fullest.
- Do good things with people you love.
- Learn and discover anything you can.
"At the very least, I got the third criteria correct. Though I didn't live just to settle for the 'least'."