Tags: Personal, Cringe, Comprehensive, Psychological, Problem-Solving, New Concepts
Now that I'm able to maintain a constant sense of self-control in my Sage Mode, I don't feel any fear nor sense any risk anymore when it comes to approaching and talking to people.
Maybe, just maybe, I should remove the restraint on myself and allow myself to approach and talk to anyone I want.
My social interaction algorithms are still very imperfect though. I still haven't completed any of my 3 Hunting articles - Maximum Targeting, Rapport Building, and Deal Making. Plus I haven't learned how to see and treat people as a human being.
I think it would be ideal if I were to complete all 4 articles first before approaching anyone for the best effect. But something is telling me that it would be very stupid. Confidence only based on knowledge and skill is extremely weak and fragile.
Ahh! It's so heartbreaking to see cute lonely girls around with everyone ignoring them. My instincts are screaming for me to do something, but what is that "something"?
My intentions and interests aren't clear enough to warrant a proper conversation with anyone. At the very least, I should have an exact idea of what it really is that I want.
Hmm it seems there's no way for me to get an answer to that question unless I allowed myself to be cringe. Very well, I shall allow myself to be temporarily cringe in this article.
As I am a human being, I seek to understood and be understood. Here is everything I want when it comes to conversations:
So basically, I'm going to use my intentions of gaining knowledge at first to see if they'll be good companions or resources, but if they're not, then it's okay since I managed to fulfill my original intentions of gaining knowledge.
Bruh. I wasted another chance in hunting another cute lonely girl by spending my entire time writing this article rather than approaching her. That makes me so extremely pissed ugh. I wish I could have at least gotten her name. Rip cute lonely girl.
This reminds me of the countless times ignored them and backed down since I considered myself and the situation still "too imperfect" to be worth making a move. So I let the opportunity passed by my eyes and regretted it later.
It's funny how I always search for opportunities, then when I found one, I become too afraid to take it, let it pass and disappear, then when it's gone, I suddenly remember that it was the one in searching for then I get filled with regrets.
How stupid, so extremely stupid. Backing down and giving up because of the reason "imperfect" is the most stupid thing that humans could ever do. You can't become perfect in the first place, and you'll never be ready when the opportunity arises.
Plus if you ever managed to become close to being "perfect" and use it as the jumping board to get what you want, 9 out of 10 times you end up in a disaster.
For ducks sake, wake up tRanC! Recognize when your imagination is fooling you into thinking that there are monsters under your bed.
To get what you want, what you need isn't knowledge, skills, or perfection, rather the one you need is resolve. You don't need willpower, you just have to be stubborn enough not to compromise or let go of the things you want.
Unfortunately, as someone who has partially given up hope on being happy, I doubt that you'll be able to be stubborn enough to not let go of the things that matter to you the most.
It would seem that your philosophy of self-control made with Buddhism causes a conflict on your beliefs that prevents you from getting attached to anything material, which in turn, prevents you from caring enough to get and keep the things that you want.
Your life is living in a completely defensive mode, with the sole purpose of "survive at all costs". If you wish to get the things you want, there's no other choice but to get out of your shell and face the dangers outside.
As I have told you before, freedom comes with a hefty price. Usually, it would cost your own life, but the cheap ones only comes with a few broken relationships. If you're unlucky enough, you'll have to pay with the lives of hundreds, even thousands of people.
It's sad, but, if you really wish to continue with your original plan, then you'll have to cut ties with some Buddhist beliefs and start getting attached to the things and people you love. If you don't want to lose them, then don't let go no matter what.
Though you'd still lose them just a little later.
So what will you choose? Would you rather...
Get the things you want and keep them a little longer than usual, but you'll be extremely sad and hurt when you lose them. Your life is connected with others, but you feel greatly affected when something happens to them.
Or you can only keep the things you randomly get and let them go whenever they want to. You don't hold on to them, so you don't get sad and hurt when you lose them. Your life is the only thing you have, so you don't feel bad when something bad happens to others.
Oh? Did you really think that I'll only restrict myself to those two choices you gave me? Haha I've got an even better choice!
I'm going to try my best to pretend that I care and will do everything to get what I want. I'll pretend to get attached and hold on to the things I want, but when it's getting a little bit painful, I'll be prepared to let go any moment. When they disappear, I won't have to get sad and I'll just have to find another replacement as if it's just another normal day.
See? This is what you call a perfect decision!
Hum something feels a little wrong though, let me activate my mental skill.
Activate skill [Multi-perspective]!
It seems that this practical decision is seen as messed up and awful by other people. Great thinkers and psychologists also say that this decision will lead to a sadder and lonelier life than any of the decisions above.
While the practical benefits are much higher than any of the two decisions, this route only leads to more sacrifices, guilt, and despair in the long-term.
Reaching the top by standing on the peak of a mountain of corpses doesn't really feel as good than reaching the top by entirely yourself or through the power of friendship.
That's not good, it seems that my decision was wrong all along. But that's fine I guess, I'll just change to a better decision then. What would I do? Cry about it? Ha, don't make me laugh.
If I were to choose the first choice in this kind of life and environment, I would have became a depressed crybaby who can't do anything by himself. I'd probably have a mental breakdown or something many years ago. I would have lost my insanity in that hell if I were to get hurt everytime I lose something.
If I were to make the second choice, I won't have any dreams in the first place. I'll be so completely isolated and lonely that my entire soul would completely freeze. Without any desire except to avoid suffering, I won't be writing self-improvement articles as much as I do today.
So yes, I do not regret my decision. What I did is the one I calculated to be the best decision in my previous circumstances.
However, that decision isn't as effective good anymore. Therefore, it is time to change it, not in the way that I would suddenly shift to another one of the two decisions, but I would simply optimize my current decision in a way that will benefit me the most.
I admit it, I am too focused on defending myself from any harm that even if I'm doing everything I can do get what I want, I cannot care enough to get it since I know that I'll be just replacing them someday when they have disappeared.
My solution here would be to slightly increase the value of humans and social interactions just enough for me to care for them and do something to get them, but not enough for me to mourn or grieve for their loss.
Whether I'll have to force myself to care or pretend to care, I'll do everything it takes to get the things I want and reach my dreams.
My skills and knowledge may be imperfect, but my resolve shall be strong enough to break through all that stands on my way.
Usually, humans energize themselves by being around people they like, just as what any other social beings do. Imagine energy as a campfire that grows larger the more people are around it. Their individual life energies get added to the fire to make it stronger.
However, if you don't have anyone you like or trust, you'll have to depend on your own little flame to keep you warm and alive. So far, my flame has gotten bigger than most people, but is still not strong enough to compare that of a group's flame.
Therefore, I'll do everything it takes to make my flame burn larger than everyone else. If this is what it takes to survive, I'm going to become a one-man army even if it means getting burned and consumed by my own flame. I will be strong enough to stand on my own and climb mountains by myself.
I am... tRanChor, after all.
Hahaha if my future self sees this, he would die of cringe seeing how stupid this idea is. Good grief. I'll have to make social interactions my priority while getting those Hunting articles done immediately.
Whenever my flame would get low, I'll just remember all my purpose and dreams in life, because if my resolve isn't strong enough to reach my dreams and fuel the flames in the first place, then that means I won't reach my dreams at all, so I can't care less about being alive if that happens.
There's no need to worry about it though. I'm quite a madman myself when it comes to my dreams.
Now that everything's resolved, I hereby grant myself the permission to talk and approach anyone I want, from cute girls to old geezers, in order for me to gain knowledge and possibly fill the slots left in my companion list.
"Remain serious and focused while maintaining calmness and humor — this is Sage Mode."
"No one cares about your knowledge or skills. Do you have the resolve to get the kind of life you want? Prove it with your actions."
"If willpower is about moving forward, resolve is about standing your ground, not falling nor getting scared by any obstacles presented to you."