chapter*Liss
Modo aumentado. That’s what mi Idios Mio called it. I wish I had mi Idios Mio here. I get my blanket. It’s an afghan from the couch. Mi Idios Mio is watching TV somewhere. Maybe Idios Mio and Winnie could watch shows together? What would they watch? When they turned on the television they would probably see our house. The circus. That’s what they would watch. It would be like Bad Girls Tokyo, with cameras mounted in the house. Cut to camera one.
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Candy walking down the hallway. Cut to camera two.
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An underwater picture of SHARK! Go: camera three.
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The rest of us at the pool. Click. Click. Camera seven?
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Nope. Kitchen cam.
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Nope. Give me the living room.
begincenter—illustration: Mega Cock lying on the pool table—endcenternoindent
Yep. There he is. Found that baby. Just like Bad Girls Tokyo.
begincenter—illustration: Liss reaches down and pets SHARK!—endcenternoindent
“You wanna buy this watch?” Cock holds up his hand. “Well not emphthis one. I can get you one just like it.” My dad looks at it. “No, I don’t think I emphneed it.” “You don’t emphneed it?” Cock laughs. Candy comes out. She gives Cock a pill. Cock offers it to my dad. “You want one?” “Um, sure,” my dad says. Candy’s giving my dad a look. She gives Cock two of the pills. She sets the pillbox next to Cock. “You got a drink? Honey, bring my friend a drink. How’s he gonna take this?” Candy takes my dad’s glass. She brings him back some whiskey. Cock and Dad are talking. Candy comes and sits by me by the pool. “Are you cold?” “Where’s your baby?” “He’s sleeping. This blanket’s wet.” “It’s fine.” “He’s not my baby.” I look back at Cock. “Then whose baby is he?” “This wench Brandy. His wife. Well. His ex-wife. Aren’t you cold?” “No,” I say. But I am. I’m freezing. “Does Brandy help take care of the kid?” “I don’t wanna talk about that bitch. Okay?” Candy pats my leg. “Good. Thanks. I really don’t want to talk about that bitch. Bitch has psychological problems. Emotional problems. emphPersonal problems. I’m not gonna go into it because you’re too young to hear about it—how old are you?” “Nine.” “Oh! That’s old enough. Does your dad let you watch R-rated movies?” “PG-13.” “Well, this bitch doesn’t know when she’s had enough. See that burn spot up there? By the b-ball net?” I’m looking. “See that real dark spot on the wood? That’s where Cock almost burned down the house.” “Why?” “Because Brandy wants it! That bitch takes half his money and now she wants the house! She has no interest in the kid! emphI’m stuck with that bitch’s kid—” Candy is hissing “—emphthis motherfucker won’t do anything about her. I mean he’s taking her to court..” “How long were they married?” “They were together for like twenty years! I really don’t want to talk about her. If you don’t mind. Cock! How long were you and Brandy together?” “What?” “How long were you and that bitch—” “No. I heard you.” Cock stands up. “Why the fuck are you asking me about Brandy.” Cock and my dad are saying something. Cock is coming toward the pool. “You know,” he says to my dad, “A motherfucker tries to have a relaxing evening. emphThis motherfucker—” Cock drags my dad (on his chair) with him toward the pool “—emphThis motherfucker here buys your ass dinner. Whose credit card did we put this on, Candy?” Candy bows her head. “His.” “I emphknow it was his. Who bought you those Bloody Marys?” “You.” “I emphknow I bought them. That’s what I’m talking about. Get up.” My dad says: “What?” “Get up. I want this chair. Have you bought emphanything tonight, Candy? Or do you just expect that little ass to pay for everything?” “It does,” she says. My dad is standing. Cock kicks that chair into the pool. SHARK! is startled.
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He sniffs it.
begincenter—illustration: SHARK! investigating the chair—endcenternoindent
“Go ahead.” Cock slides his own chair toward my dad. “Go ahead.” Candy stands. “Cock. You’re fucking stupid.” “Are you gonna back me up on this shit?” That’s Cock talking to my dad. Cock puts out his fist. “Bro.” Candy runs around the pool. “He’s not even your bro! You just met him today! He’s emphmy friend! You’re emphmy friend, aren’t you?!” My dad steps back. “See!” Cock says. “He don’t want no part of you!” Cock pushes Candy in the pool. She comes up. Her finger points at Cock. “You fucking nigger. You emphnigger.” “Candy. Please.” Candy looks at me. “Excuse me. But he is.”
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“How’s he doin’?” Dad’s keeling beside me. I pet SHARK! “He’s fine.” “Is he tired?” “No.” “Does he want to go home?” “He can’t. The bar’s closed.” “What about you?” I shake my head. “You want to sleep on the couch?” “I’m fine here.” “I’ll get you a pillow.” That’s my dad. He’s pretty much the silent type.
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“I love you baby.” “You do?” “I love you.” “You aren’t gonna fuck that motherfucker after I go to bed?” “I’m going to fuck you.” “I know. But after that. You’re not gonna fuck that motherfucker?” “I’m going to fuck emphyou.”
That’s how they talk. It’s incredible. That’s how those motherfuckers really talk. (Just sayin’.)
Cock will call Candy a whore. Then Candy calls Brenda a whore. Or: Brandy. Whatever. Then Cock is sad. Then Candy feels bad. “You want me to make us another batch of mojitos?” Cock tells my dad: “She makes the best mojitos. My baby makes the best mojitos.” “I know.” “You emphknow?” Candy says: “We’re emphdrinking them!” My dad says: “I drink them all the time.” Cock says: “Oh.” Then Cock feels stupid. Then he says something else to make Candy feel bad.
“What about your baby?” Candy and Cock look over. I point inside the house. “What about Brenda’s baby?” I ask. They both say: “Brandy.” “I really don’t want to talk about that bitch.” “I don’t want to talk about her either.” “Do you want me to call Becca back?” “No,” Candy says, “I’ll get him. Stay,” Candy says. She holds Cock back. “I’ll get him. Have fun with your friend.” “He was your friend first.” “He’s your friend, too.” “He was yours first, though. I acknowledge that. I acknowledge it, okay baby? Just don’t fuck him.” Candy’s walking toward the house. Cock is yelling after her: “I ACKNOWLEDGE THAT HE WAS YOUR FRIEND FIRST!!”
My dad comes out. He’s holding the baby. “There there.” “I was gonna get him. I thought you’d be..busy.” Candy grabs my dad’s cock. Cock doesn’t see it. I do. “What would he be busy doing?” Cock leans up in his chair. “Candy. What would he be busy doing.” “Nobody asked you. Shut up.” “Bring me my kid.” Cock is waving. “Bring me my kid. Would you please call Becca? Take the Cam. Go get her, okay. Richard’s got to..watch his kid and we’ve got to—or I’ve got to—I’ve got to watch—” “He’s not emphmy kid.” “Just call Becca, please. I didn’t say he was.” Cock has the baby. He’s rocking him. “He’s a good kid, isn’t he?” My dad says: “Yeah.” My dad has a pillow in his hand. “Yeah,” Cock is saying, “He’s my little Mega Cock.” “So you want me to take the Camaro?” “Shhh. Take care of it, please.” “I’m not goin’ alone.” “Mega Cock.” “Richard you want to come with me?” “Candy don’t start with that.” “Here’s your pillow.” “It’s soft.” “Do you want me to bring you another blanket?” “Dad. I’m fine.” “Mega Cock. Mega Cock. You’re my little Mega Cock.” “So you want me to take the Camaro?” “Are you gonna go with Candy?” “I already told you to take it.” “Just for a little while.” “I’ll be right back.” “Take Richard with you.” “Goodnight Dad.” “Aren’t you worried I’m going to fuck him?” “Candy, just take him. See you in a minute, man.” “I’m not going to fuck her.” “You don’t know that,” Cock says. “You don’t know.” “We’ll be back in a minute. Goodnight Liss.” “Just make her drive the speed limit.” “Night Liss! Sweet dreams!” “See you later Candy.” “Richard. Coming?” “Mega Cock. Mega Cock. You’re my little Mega Cock.” The father is rocking his son. My Dad’s over at the pool. “Richard!” The father rocks his son on his shoulder. Candy and Cock are having a silent conversation. Everything they say is with their eyes. Candy says: emphI’m not going to fuck him. Cock says: emphI don’t care. Candy says: emphI love you baby. Cock says: emphThat’s fine. Candy says: emphDon’t you love me back? Cock says: emphI’m rocking my baby. Candy says: emphI hate that bitch. Cock says: emphI hate her too. Candy says: emphI hate her more than you do. Cock says: emphNo you don’t. You don’t, Candy. You could never hate her more than I do. You hate her in a different way. I’m trying to rock my baby, okay? I’m rocking my baby. You might hate that bitch but this is my son, okay? Acknowledge that he’s my son. “Mega Cock. Mega Cock. Who’s my little Mega Cock?” And Candy says: “RICHARD!!??” The reason she says this is my dad is hauling back with one of the deck chairs and he’s standing at the edge of the vista and he swings around and launches the deck chair into the vista. Candy steps forward. For the moment there is only silence. And then the sound of glass. Cock squints his eyes. He doesn’t look. Candy is yelling at my dad. “WHY DID YOU DO THAT!!?” Cock rocks his baby. “What did it hit?” I look into the vista. It hit a skylight. “What the fuck did you do that for?” Candy grabs my dad’s hand. My dad says: “I didn’t think he needed it.” Then Cock is grinning. emphHe really is the silent type.