I don't want to waste my life on slave jobs, I don't want to follow the natural path to success that society made for me, I don't want to believe that I have no future just because I'm dropped out, friendless, and unemployed.
So now, this begs the question, what do I want to happen with my life?
People aren't going to accept me as I look now, because I only seem to them as an extremely timid, innocent, and clueless introvert who knows nothing in life.
Thus, it makes sense that they would group me with other people who has friends, employed, and college graduates but doesn't have any dreams nor they are able to think for themselves.
And what happens to people in this group?
They all become either factory workers or night workers (call center agents) who do the same boring tasks every single day, living only for the sake of weekends and sex. Duck no, I'm not going to become like them.
If I don't like to be like them, then I should separate myself from this group, make myself unique and different, by showcasing my true abilities and personality to other people.
The fastest way to do that will be to rampage on every household and random idle person offering my services. Then when I got home, I'll tell everyone that I disagree with them, because I know a better method and I'm willing to teach them, but if they force their primitive bullsheep on me, I'm prepared to fight to death.
According to my predictions, this would make my life 300x better and happier in just a day, plus most of my problems would disappear into thin air. I'll get plenty of money, friends, respect, and recognition as well.
Last time I checked, I have enough confidence, stamina, and passion to do those things. It would be very easy for me with regards to my current level.
However, I will not do it. I do not want that to happen. As much as I know that I'm fully able to make such a thing happen and speedrun my way to my dreams and my death, I am, still, an introvert, and I don't want my life to become flashy like that.
I have spent my childhood and adolescence hiding in my metaphorical basement, believing that I have to stay low and hidden, to keep a low-profile so that I won't become a target of social brainwashing while I develop my abilities in secret.
"A peaceful and normal life" that's what the past me have always wanted.
However, I know fully well, that at this point, there's no way I can go back to that life. Seeing how people become so stagnant from their "peaceful and normal life", I do not want to have that kind of life if given the choice.
I am now prepared to have a chaotic and crazy life, but I want to make it happen to me in a natural and slow manner, like cute ripples in the water, not rapidly moving streams of a river nor a crushing flow of a waterfall.
Judging from the above statements, the ultimate task I'll have to complete at this moment then, is to reveal my true self to those who will accept and care for it, then do all of this in secrecy, away from my family.
This means that I do not want to randomly reveal my true self to those who will not appreciate nor care about it, like most random people and strangers, but rather I want to promote and show myself to those that will want me, need me, and appreciate me enough that they will invest for my future and buy all my services.
Duck, my notes didn't save and everything I've written past this point has disappeared.
What the duck am I supposed to do now? Do I have to restart the flow of thoughts and emotions all over again? Sigh.
Every flow of thought and emotions are unique. Even if I tried my best, there's no way I can bring them back. What I'm feeling and thinking at a specific moment in time changes as often as my heart beats.
That's why I write them, because I may be able to remember a few thoughts here and there, but there's no way I can save an entire stream of thought along with the stream of emotions accompanying them.
Next time, always use data to sync to cloud everything we're writing, plus copy paste everything when finished especially if it's long.
Let's move on.
"There's always more choices than what others tell you."
"Those who want to get whatever they want must first know exactly and clearly the things they want and don't want."
"Don't let yourself be turned into a lifeless factory worker lured by things made out of paper."