The more boring and stagnant my life becomes, the more chaotic and impulsive I seem to become.
I have come to realized that my chaotic and impulsive tendencies are actually a result of having too much energy but too little things to do. If you combine this with an extremely boring and introverted life, you would get a ravenous person with an endless amount of curiosity. Depending on how they were raised, their curiosity can either be channeled in the most productive and beneficial things or the most destructive ones.
Now I finally understand why this world gives me so much work to do. It's because when I don't have any house chores, when I have infinite amount of free time, I would probably explode by having too much excessive energy. Just an hour ago, I was unable to sleep as my mind became obsessed with raising an army and burning the world. Now that I finished doing a heavy house chore, I don't feel like doing that anymore. My mind is finally stable once again.
Another important factor is that I seem to become more creative the more pain and suffering I experience, like when I used to write songs and poems at night while being sick with a fever. This is interesting, it makes me wonder what would happen if I ever exhaust all my energy and experience a lot of pain. From what it seems, I seem to become a wise old sage the more energy I lose, while I tend to become a chaotic demon lord the more excess energy I have.
What does this mean? It means that I'm neither a wise old sage or a demon lord. It only means that I'm someone who is sensitive to my own psychological energy, whose amount is directly proportional to the amount of free time I have and amount of boredom I experience, and inversely proportional to the intensity of tasks I had to do.
Interesting, so this is why it is said that it's dangerous for a person to be left to their own devices for a long period of time, so this is part of the process on how a person becomes insane. Just as how it's dangerous for a person to be tired all the time, it's as equally dangerous for someone to be energetic all the time.
Mundane work and exercise is the natural process in which people deal with their excess energies. Gaming, socializing, and other hobbies are the mainstream ways in which normal people use their excess energies. For me who doesn't particularly enjoy gaming, socializing, and listening to music, the only I way can deal with the excess energy is to do some work, maybe complete schoolwork or refill water gallons.
Geez I almost lost myself in my own madness there. Now I feel a little sober after doing some house chores. I didn't know that free time and excess energy could be so dangerous. I'll need to do some more house chores to regulate my excess energy more. I don't want to get into that manic state again and lose all of my rationality. Looks like I won't be avoiding or postponing any house chores from now on.
It's good to be sober, neither having an existential crisis nor doing any crazy things. It's been a while since I can see and remember things so clearly. To think that life could be this peaceful. How wonderful.
"Let not your mental states become your identity."