It must have been a month since my last article. My non-existent readers must have been saddened my sudden hiatus. They're probably wondering, "what happened?"
What happened is that I lifted dozens of hollow blocks, shoveled countless sacks of sand and rock, lifted steel beams, and climbed a 3-meter tall improvised wooden platform. Is that all? No, my charger stopped working, I ran out of money that I can't even buy cheap forks in the department store, and made a escape plan that I almost followed through. These past few weeks have been hellish for me but that is no excuse to forget about my non-existent readers who are anxiously waiting for a new article.
Basically, my life just suddenly had a sudden spike in difficulty for almost the entire month of April 2024. I can't even go outside because the construction work starts immediately in the morning which makes me too tired to even go outside. I was really about to lose my mind until this week where the difficulty decreased, I managed to get a few dollars, and the amount of schoolwork stopped increasing.
These days, I've been feeling too ashamed to face my non-existent readers whom I suddenly abandoned for a few weeks without a word. My mind has become so consumed with work that I fear that I won't be able to give the high-quality articles that my non-existent readers usually enjoy. It's like my mind has become like the malunggay plants in our backyard, almost all the leaves dried and fell, while I have to tear off the remaining ones because my parents told me to do so.
Do you know what nurtures a brilliant and creative mind?
It is writing. As long as one continues to keep recording their dreams, the more wonderful and realistic dreams they would have, as if the dreams themselves wanted to be written. As long as one keeps writing their brilliant ideas or turns them to reality everytime it comes to mind, such brilliance will keep growing and overflowing with abundance. I don't even have the time or energy to write. Therefore, my plants of brilliance have starved and dehydrated, while the trains of creative thoughts have rusted.
I was going to apologize for how stupid and lazy I have become. But I remember now, I remember why I started writing these articles. It's not because I want to brag about my intelligence or show off my ideas (though they're part of the reason) but because I want to share my life to world — the tragic life of a clumsy clueless introvert secluded within a tiny place of forced labor and solitude. Otherwise, if I were to disappear at some point, no one would have known that I ever existed, especially since my presence is often too small and insignificant to notice.
I can only hope that my tragic life would serve as a lesson to most and a relatable experience to the rest.
The universe is filled with checks and balances, ensuring that everything returns to a state of equilibrium. The extreme events can last only for a short while, while the simple events can repeat for almost an eternity. Humans can only see the world in a straight line yet the universe sees the world as a circle, no, a cycle that constantly repeats. Every cycle in the universe will naturally repeat unless acted by an external force (intervention of the universe) or by an internal force (the force of will).
Yet the human mind only rarely comprehends the universe. It has the tendency to believe that extreme things will continue to remain extreme and they will last forever. Why? Because the mind often makes the mistake in thinking that it is alone in this world. Therefore, one can't help but think that everything they do will remain forever. That they will remain awkward forever. That they will remain humiliated forever. The mind loves to think that anytime a hole is made, it will remain empty forever. However, in reality, the universe would instantly fill the holes to maintain balance.
The mind says "Yes, it will be very painful. Yes, it will be very awkward." But it consistently forgets to say the most important part "- but only for a few seconds". Since it keeps forgetting this part, the person is often led to think that the feelings and sensations would last forever. And because the person believes that it will last for a long time, the feelings would become more intense and take longer time to disappear. As a rule of thumb, YOU WILL OFTEN FEEL WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU SHOULD FEEL. This shows how easy it is for the mind to deceive itself.
Usually, it's better to only feel what is necessary. We don't have to feel more just because someone told us to. No one should be able to convince us of what we should feel. It's like that time when I was really about to escape a nightmare and have made my plans, yet on the last minute, where I read some more forums and guides about it, the communities have managed to successfully made me believe "you shouldn't trust other people, you must always be prepared" — which led to me doubting my preparations and being more distrustful of others.
When you see it this way, you will notice how easy it is for people to change their attitudes just because they were told to feel this way, that this is the rules, and doing it their way is wrong. If you think about all the feelings and emotions you have, you will see that many of them came from other people because we are told to feel that way. This isn't really bad, this instinct is helpful so children can learn how to follow the rules and treat other people. However, those who are not children anymore must create their own rules and do whatever they want without asking others how they should feel about it.
Regardless how smart, credible, or important other people are, only you should be able to choose what you want to believe and feel. Human choice transcends reason, ethics, and social values. One must not blindly follow nor blindly rebel against them. If you're only supposed to choose that which is reasonable, good, and normal — then why did the universe even gave you the ability to choose? Everyone can and will give you advice but only you can answer your own questions.