While I don't expect great things to be handed on a single platter, I am disappointed that most things in life and internet does not even reach a quarter of my expectations.
Still, I am not in a position to change my external environment, I can only change myself, my actions, and my thoughts, at least for now. Because there is simply no way I can be satisfied with my current surroundings, I must at least make myself satisfied with my own self. Basically, I want to do what I can.
You must be surprised, seeing a new article after ten thousand eons. Don't get your hopes up, I have not a single interest in trying to look cool, smart, or interesting at this point. Yes, this article will be boring. It will be serious. It won't be appealing in the slightest. After all, I didn't come here to write something new. I merely want to rewrite a portion of my life.
Usually, I can find something interesting and long-lasting online with just a chaos level of one. I just have to do things a little different than usual and something cool would appear. Unfortunately, this method seems to have been patched; it doesn't work anymore. For some reason, exploring the internet with just level 1 chaos doesn't lead to anything interesting anymore. There's nothing else to see here but random, useless, meaningless, and horny garbage. Maybe it's just me but treasure finding and slow grinding don't seem to be as effective as before.
I'm still having trouble enduring the side effects of using chaos level 1, to upgrade it and utilize chaos level 2 is going to be extremely painful. It would feel as if getting my heart and brains get crushed multiple times per day. Although I can easily recover and regenerate, the mental burden is still not something I can easily bear.
So I give up. I give up on trying to find anything cool on the internet. I give up on trying to find anything interesting online. Although it's true that I would find something if I just keep on looking, it would take me a long time. And quite frankly, it's not worth the effort right now. The average character and self-expression quality of most humans are way too low to be even the slightest bit entertaining. It would take them at least ten years more for any noticeable progress to be made.
Thus, from now on, I will not exhaust myself trying to find interesting stuff online using level 1 chaos anymore. I will stop searching for top-tier manwhas or approaching top-tier online people. I will stop exploring online caves and alleyways. This will give me tons of free time that would overwhelm and consume if I don't manage it properly.
To be self-sufficient, I will not depend on any online sources for attention and validation. I will not waste my time trying to mine ores of serotonin and oxytocin. I hereby accept that I am, indeed, different from others. Not just any different but completely alien to them. I am still open for anyone who approaches me but I will not expecting anything from anyone who have lower than class A self-expression. For those who don't know, class B self-expression is about being friendly, talkative, and telling people about yourself. Whereas those with class A self-expression are often called weirdos, freaks, and crazies. Not to brag but I have SSS class self-expression, which I always limit to class D in real-life and class A online because otherwise humans will be too overwhelmed and intimidated to reply.
(Interestingly, having lower than average self-expression in real life helps with preventing most social confrontations though you won't get any satisfying friendships either. And just as you might have guessed, having higher than average self-expression makes people intimidated, no matter how friendly you appear. The average self-expression level in the internet seems to be class B so many internet people are intimidated and wary of me. But yeah I'm not going to lower my self-expression level anymore than that, just to appease random mobs who can't do much but to repeat what everyone else has said before.)
I do not belong to the majority. The minority doesn't like me either. I refuse to walk the crowded wide path. I have long abandoned the sophisticated narrow path either. I am creating and walking on my own path, simply because I felt like it. This is an extremely solitary path. There's not even a single human being in 300 kilometer radius other than me. For those walking the wide path, they think that I have lost my mind. For those in the narrow path, they think that I am lost. I'm not. I know exactly where I'm going so I will keep following the star. I don't regret it at all. Even now, it still doesn't make any sense to me to follow any predetermined paths. I know who I am, and this is the most natural thing for me to do.
I will have a lot of free time starting tomorrow. So first I will work on mandatory stuff in the morning first, such as the related literature of our research. Maybe I'll write the synthesis in advance even if my research members are not finished yet. I gave them a video tutorial and clear examples of what to do but I doubt they'll be able to do it. I am prepared to do everything on my own at all times. Although I'm not cynical, it will be foolish of me to expect anything from people I don't know. I don't have to be too tense about it though, there are times where I would fail even if I do everything I can. If that happens, I simply have to start over, no biggie.
I definitely need to find a new ebook to read especially because I'm out of top-tier manwhas to read anymore. I want to read more about self-sufficiency, introspective contemplations, the path of independence, and taking the non-existent path. It will be annoying because it involves finding top-tier stuff on the internet again so I'll just read anything that's even a little bit meaningful. If I get bored or tired, I'll stop mindlessly scrolling on my phone anymore. I'll just close my eyes and daydream instead, my imagination is ten thousand times more interesting than anything in the internet anyway.
Aside from that, I think I'm going to do some basic exercises when there's nothing to do. Suppose that I still have three hours of free time left, then I'll devote 30 minutes to intense exercise, 1 hour to martial arts and sword dance, and 1 hour and 30 minutes for a refreshing nap. (Duck, that small lengthy square chair is unexpectedly heavy, I think my left leg just cried lol. Most people would let everyone within 5 meters know about it but I'll just let it regenerate.)
I just thought of an interesting method for managing my free time! From now on, I'll associate certain hours of free time left to certain activities:
30 minutes of free time, take a short nap or meditate
1 hour of free time, take a nap
2 hours of free time, read ebooks and meditate
3 hours of free time, exercise and take a nap
I may get a little lethargic and forget about everything I've written in this article after a day or two. But I'll try my best to stick to my plans this time. For now, I'll download a new ebook to read and refill the water gallon!
"Just like a sword in the stone; sharp, steadfast, solitary, dormant."
"holy sheep, I didn't expect this article to reach over 1300 words! it's my first proper article after untold number of months"