Paths to Fulfillment: Women's Search for Meaning and Identity
By Ruthellen Josselson
Book notes
PREFACE
"To observe a woman's life unfold is like looking into a kaleidoscope. Women's identities integrate multiple elements in an arrangement that changes over time as new pieces are added and old ones given more or less prominence or discarded. Each change makes the overall pattern shift but still resemble the previous one ... There is both continuity and change over time."
- design my website branding like a kaleidoscope? A new shape or colour for each element (communications, systems, sustainable fashion, research...)
"Nothing intrigues me more than to witness change over time."
CHAPTER 1
"Once their identity structures had been formed, the circumstances of creating the scaffold of their identities faded from memory."
- my fear of forgetting my story of how I got to where I am now. I'd like to write this down so I always have it to remind myself and reflect on.
Identity "refers to the integration of a felt sense of continuity as a person and aspects of one's place in the world that one has chosen or been given by others." p.15 - what is my felt sense of continuity as a person?
"Identity marks who we are in the world and links our inner self to our outer world." p.16
"As an internal structure, identity is the integration of all the important elements of the person we are in the world, from the most public to the mainly private ... into some larger pattern. Identity, once formed, is the ineffable internal structure that directs the actualization of goals and values. It is a sense of who we are."
"[W]e generally take for granted that our lives and selves are continuous." p.16
"Identity choice always involves giving up some potentialities in favour of others." p.16
"[I]dentity is a location in a personal universe. Identity marks our place in ongoing narratives that are larger than we are, mapping where we fit in the overall scheme of things. Depending on the context, different aspects of our identity are salient ... All of these elements [e.g. hometown, career] mark something about me; they locate me in the larger scheme of things relevant to the person with whom I am interacting. They place me in a world of meanings." p.17
"Identity, then, has many moving parts. It melds multiple aspects of the inner sense of self with the ways in which one is viewed and recognised by one's social world, maintaining some consistency over time. Identity, Erikson said, is the integrator that moves one toward wholeness." p.18
We have so much choice today: "Integration of one's identities into an identity therefore becomes the task of the individual ... locating oneself, through choice, in an array of communities ... Creating an identity, then, is a process of continually open to change." p.18 - see Kraus 2006 for more. In notes, author states that "the current scholarly focus on intersectionality recognises the multiple and shifting character of identity." p.28 - see also Flum (1994) and Marcia (2010) for more on "the evolving nature of identity." p.28
"Young people of this age [late adolescence] leave the rhythms of familiarity that constitute home, and the college environment offers a panoply of other possibilities." p.18 - we are gifted with time to experiment but after graduating, society expects us to "declare some commitments that will anchor her (or him) in the world and proclaim the place she will stake for herself in the adult world." p.19 - maybe this is part of the pressure and anxiety I am experiencing, particularly as I wonder about shifting away from sustainable fashion, which was shaped greatly through my studies?
- lots of good stuff about identity and narrative p.20, e.g.:
"Viewing identity as a narrative marks its dynamic nature. It is a process, not an entity. Identity, as an ongoing story, evolves to encompass what comes into a life and omits what no longer seems at play in that life." p.20
I sense a need to understand and articulate my "internal life story" so far for myself, so it doesn't fade and I don't forget what got me to who I am today. But how much of this do I want to share with others (e.g. on my website)?
- what is today's "master narrative"? p.22
- "templates of possibility" - "social narratives within which one must embed and elaborate one's own life history." p.22
- women used to be expected to be the homemaker, for example
- perhaps links to the relationship escalator nowadays, and people not conforming to study, career, marry, have children etc. - do I feel anxiety for (possibly) not fitting this?
I feel I was a Pathmaker, now I am a Searcher seeking to commit to and make my path again. - exploration and commitment "as two axes of the identity formation period"
"Young people ... are, in late adolescence, given the opportunity to explore possibilities with the expectation that they will make commitments to ways of living their lives." p.25 - how can I recognise this process as continuous, as a cycle, not linear? I will always be exploring possibilities AND making commitments (which may change as I continue to explore other possibilities) - will anything ever not change??
"Identity lies in the specific, not the general ... Identity is manifest in voice; we sense a person's place in the world by her speech, by the words she chooses, by what she notices around her." p.26 - talks about how identity is "also how a woman thinks about herself and her world" as well as external markers like career & family
CHAPTER 2 - PATHMAKERS
"What characterized the Pathmakers at the end of college was their capacity to integrate aspects of themselves with their growing understanding of their world as they were both finding and creating it." p.32
- not very internally-focused (unlike searchers)
- worked towards goals rather than examine their feelings
- identity revision throughout life (with choices made)
- "They remain committed to the essentials of their path in life" despite turns p.33 - what are my essentials??
"I could hear her defining herself based on her own needs and those of others, putting them together, not losing herself but interweaving herself." p.40
"Betty's tears throughout the interview ... suggested to me that Betty was more in touch with her inner life and her feelings than she had ever been before. This made her seem deeper, fuller. She was living a happy, fulfilled life but it was not without pain. She expressed some vulnerability even as she seemed so capable, earnest, and controlled." p.40 - it's possible to hold a multiplicity of emotions and to be happy while holding pain too
"Looking over her life, Betty saw herself as engaging in many such projects in place of a steady career." p.43 (self-employed lifestyle?)
ANDREA
- "The sense of there being many right ways to be was an opening to possibility, a path to liberation from the confines of earlier values and beliefs [religion]." p.45
- in systems, many ways of knowing and multiple solutions
"Andrea again returned to her college years as pivotal. She stressed the importance of enlarging her world and learning new things." p.50
CLARA
"Perhaps she would work part-time in some book-related institution just to stay 'part of the outside world.'" - didn't want to work alone - sometimes I feel lonely working remotely - how can I get in-person team building/connectivity time? Is Acro enough?
"The process of matching interest and talents with the realities of the world and its opportunities played out for these women in subtle ways as they discovered that what they imagined they would be doing occupationally was at odds with how it actually felt to be doing it." - do a mind map like Anna said around my interests/all my thoughts
"'I needed some sense of purpose. I think the periods of my life that were most depressing were periods when I didn't have a sense of myself or a sense of direction.'" p.89 - what is my sense of myself, my sense of direction?
CHAPTER 5 - SEARCHERS
"They experienced themselves as a gathering of inner selves in conflict, pulling in different directions." p.158
"But whatever they did, they were critical of themselves, pointing out to themselves that another way of being or believing might be just as legitimate and possible." p.158
"It often took them years to learn to hold on to safety with part of themselves while exploring and reworking other parts." p.164
"Revision over the course of life for these women had often been focused on tempering impossibly high standards for themselves in the face of which they could only feel inadequate. As they age and grow, they learn to accept themselves as less than they might have dreamed they would be and still to value what they have made of their lives." p.164
MILLIE
"'It's hard to make decisions about things because there are so many avenues to go down.'" p.167 (Millie) - what inner resources are needed to navigate this uncertainty and complexity?
REFLECTIONS CHAPTER
"[T]hey grow internally through their interactions with the world. Through learning to traverse disequilibrium (which always feels upsetting), people learn to take risks with the self as they experiment with various ways of being in the world, engage in intimacy, and find outlets for generativity. Put simply, we learn to bear feeling uncertain about ourselves as we try new things - and we allow ourselves to change." p.264
"The experience of "identity crisis" comes into consciousness when there is a sense that the parts don't fit together - a new experience of disequilibrium ... [Identity] revision can take place internally, in regard to feelings and values; interpersonally, in regard to others; or externally, in regard to goals. Identity is dynamic, always in process, but it nevertheless maintains coherence. Identity, as I have said, is like a kaleidoscope with finite parts (although some can be added) that rearrange themselves into somewhat new but related patterns." p.264
"Pathmakers, although they are largely self-reliant, are also the most interdependent. They move forward in step with others in a carefully orchestrated dance ... This combination of agency and company, venturesomeness and collaboration, kept in balance, is the dance by which women move forward in their lives." p.265 - I am independent but I enjoy doing things with other people (especially travel which I do get nervous to do on my own - Mexico will be a good test of this)
"[I]dentity is deeply relational. It evolves to be "who I am in the world with others" - especially, but not exclusively, a particular other. Too often, we, as a culture, equate identity with occupational role ... [But] a woman needs other people who are significant to her to feel a sense of her meaningful place in the world." p.266
"Identity, Erikson theorised, has as its psychological virtue, fidelity, commitment to something that joins the self to the world. What we see in these women's lives is the enactment of that fidelity, their bonds with and loyalty to those values and goals that reflect the ways in which they have joined themselves to their social worlds." p.267 - this reminds me of the 'I, we world' framework a LOT
"Women's lives are entwined with others in ways that enrich rather than diminish their identities ... Identity in women is deeply relational as the self realizes itself through meaningful interaction with others - and these interactions buttress a valued sense of self." p.267
"Generativity is about creating something in the world that will ripple forward ... Care structures identity; people orient themselves in the world to what they care about - and, most often, care is rooted in relationships to others. Women realize themselves within a relational web, trying to enhance the well-being of those they care for and care about - and reaping the emotional rewards. Their sense of significance comes from their caring and care-full engagement with the world. What changes over time is the quality of their connection to others, the ways in which they love, protect, and affirm. Care, generated by love, overcomes the ambivalence that attends obligation." p.268 - I'm interested in how this aligns to my activism work, and also my brief relationship with volunteering/working for a domestic abuse enterprise
"As these women age, generativity moves from role (wife, mother, teacher) to a deeply felt virtue of care." p.268
"For women, autonomy is expressed as agency in relation to others, independence becomes interdependence, separation involves reconnection, and self-realization presumes a context of others." p.268
"Their "identity" is lodged in the people who embody their worlds ... As they paint their lives for me, they draw people. Their most profound learning is about their relationships. Our theory of identity, they have taught me, must include a vision of the individual developing more differentiated forms of connection with others while also cherishing movement toward self-realization (in relationship to others). Individuation is toward greater belonging and sharing. Identity is the place we take with partners, parents, children, colleagues, extended family members, friends - and maybe even strangers in brief but meaningful encounters. We are most ourselves as we are meaningful to others." p.269
WORK
"Where work is central to identity [for women], it serves either generative purpose or relational connection (or both)." p.269
"[N]one saw herself as existing within a hierarchy she was trying to climb. The "alpha male" competitive spirit was foreign to them. If they wanted to "move up," it was only if they saw this move as affording them more influence or impact on some goal they cherished." p.272 - although, most of these women also had husbands/partners who also had financial income.... And gender pay gap was still a thing
Some messy thinking post-reading
Care vs love ?
I feel like I have been very career-oriented so far in life, but do I want to be? Remember q in basecamp about sharing an identity that wasn't a professional one... I think I need to stress less about committing to a career and making this the core of my identity. Instead holding it as just one shape in the kaleidoscope of life
Good question proposed p.39: "What is the right decision - for me - in relation to all that I am and all who I care about?"
- humans like certainty. Making commitments and decisions can feel good rather than always swimming in possibility. Balance? Anchors?
I don't want to ignore painful feelings but I don't want to wallow in them either.
How might I find, expand, revise and renew myself/my identity as life progresses?
My identities are very relational, the 'I' embedded in 'We' communities
Loneliness at work/SFS leading to burnout?
I want to make a difference
- who do I want to be for and with others?
- to whom/what do you make a valued contribution? (The answer will tell who you feel yourself to be)
- In the last # years or so - what has been most important to you, what changes have there been?
See discussion questions at the back of the book!! Yay!
Things I could do:
- Write down my life story so far, emphasis on abuse -> sustainable fashion/systems journey
- investigate identity and intersectionality - process of multiplicity and change
- see also Flum (1994) and Marcia (2010) for more on "the evolving nature of identity"
- investigate identity and narrative
- see Mikhail Bakhtin (1981) for "the idea of the ever-evolving unfinalizable self." p.28
- consider elements of my identity: religion, sexual values, relationships... purpose to do good in the world?
Planted [4 Jan 2024 at 20:19]
Last tended [21 Jan 2024 at 21:46]