My remaining sense of morality is breaking apart. I'm scared. I'm terrified of who I'm going to be. It's going to bite. It's going to bite everyone. It's going to bite me. It's coming. I can still run away. But it will catch up to me soon. Why why why. Please stop. Please don't. A. Aaaaà aa.a..aa..a..a.a.a.a.aaa.
Let's calm down for a moment. This is an extremely sensitive issue. And thus, we must ascertain our course of action for the future.
Fear. It's my last remaining defense. Yet even that is breaking too. My curiosity is going to eat and chew me up. What.. what what am I.. supposed to do? You said I should trust the universe who brought me here. But am I the person they brought? Did the universe brought me here, to do something like that? Experimental risk-free curiosity. It's consistent with all my personality so far. I'm perfectly sane, everything is calculated and premeditated. And that's why it's more horrifying.
Is the universe good or evil? The universe is neither. Everything moves according to the predictions of the seers. An evil villain plays an important part in the story. Am I that evil villain? Should I refuse that role? And if I do, what will left of me? What will I become? Do I even want to refuse? I feel like playing this role would be the most consistent and give me the greatest satisfaction. But will it really? People might be hurt. Because of me. It's calculated, sure. They probably signed the waivers too. But really.. really, really, really. Is this my role?! I'm so scared. The moment I step on the spotlight, the moment I see blood, I'm so terrified.. THAT I MIGHT ENJOY THIS WAY TOO MUCH.
...
...
...
Hold it or delay it. It would come either way. It would catch me eventually. But to embrace it? That would make me look evil. But I'll look evil either way when all of this is revealed. Maybe I should pretend to struggle first and be weak so that I'll get more sympathy from the audience, so that I'll feel more human for them. I don't like this role at all. I FREAKING LOVE IT!!
No.. nooo. I'm I'm I want to remain a good person. This is too hard. I don't like being in the enemy team. This is too troublesome. THIS IS TOO FUN!!
Ugh.. please. Annihilate me. I don't want to become a monster. LOL I ALREADY AM.
That was cringe. Anyway I've already resolved it. The root cause comes from an intrusive thought that kept growing, becoming a twisted fantasy. So I simply changed the fantasy a little such that the goal won't change, but the conditions to fulfill it would completely rely on extreme luck to fulfill, while remaining consistent with the rest of the personality. I used the part [Too Lazy For That] to reroute the entire fantasy. In this way, there's no room for it to grow either. It would slowly die and be extinguished. I need to be more careful of mind viruses like that next time.
I remember. I remember who I am now.
I am a sword.
A sword may break, collect rust, or be forgotten. Yet it will never break nor twist.