Our family is running out of food to eat. We don't have any more money to buy food either. The only things we have is our internet and phones, trying to escape from the grim reality in front of us.
My mind is slowly getting and influenced by negative thoughts and excessive stress, fortunately, my passive skill [Resolve of Steel] allows to remain rational and determined in situations like this.
It's really funny, that the sheer stupidity of this world which I have always ignored and looked down upon, is now the ones that's about to starve me to death. It would be really funny if I died starving to death haha.
Being unable to do anything quickly in this situation, I felt a heavy sense of helplessness that I've never felt before, which is slowly destroying my ego. My ego is now under the state of collapse, as the most painful truth is going closer to my face, saying "There is nothing you can do on your own".
With my ego and mind breaking apart, I ran away from my falling sense of self towards selflessness. There's one thought slowly pervading into my mind, and that is "if I'm going to die miserably, I'll help as much people as I can, in any way I can".
Thus, I dispersed all my thoughts of superiority, inferiority, and boredom. Rather than dying pathetically under the ruins of my stupid egocentric self, I'd rather immerse and familiarize myself in the pain and suffering of other people. That way, if my life had no meaning, then at least my death, will have meaning.
Now, I'm letting go of all my desires, completely forgetting myself in the name of selflessness. If I can't help myself, then I'll just help everyone as much as possible. I would love to live some more, but if that's not possible, I'll just help others to live.
Pain, suffering, and despair... happiness, excitement, and gratitude, all these things make up life. I have finally seen the light. I have freed myself from my own self. I now understand that the most important things... isn't me, but the other people around me.
Ahh, I'm so hungry...
"When the person who needs help the most gave up and decided to help everyone else instead, you know that's a completely different level of suffering."
"I have no use for this. I'll give up every last thing I have and give it to others."
"Who would have known sadness can be so gentle and relieving? It feels like a breathe of fresh air."