Today, April 18, 2023, is a momentous day. I got a new job as a tutor on a tutoring service facility. The facility is very child-friendly and there are a lot of nice items in here, which are very soothing to the eyes.
My boss/supervisor teacher treats me with respect and "as equals", even calling me as "Sir", which is very nice. We are the only tutors there and there are very few customers, like today, we only had one customer. Every hour, I get two dollars tutoring someone.
At first, I'm feeling a little shocked and anxious, not wanting to fail and mess up the job. However, the supervisor suddenly said to me "teach this kid to me about x", without even giving me a proper training, and I was like "wut...", then my anxiety levels suddenly increased.
I feel so uncomfortable, being on someone else's house. Having a giant monitor in front of me. There's my supervisor and a kid beside me. And they are telling me suddenly "go teach this kid". Wtf. I wondered what I'm doing here. That's right. I'm here for my dreams. To be a teacher. I want to do this.
Then, without any hesitation, I suddenly spoke in fluent English and taught the kid about adjectives, nouns, and prepositions. I have never spoken straight English like that before. I have only wrote English articles and talked in English to my mind, but to actually speak, it was quite an experience.
Of course, I was still feeling really uncomfortable, not because I'm doing something different, but because I'm teaching the student with a very cliched and lame teaching style, one that is not myself.
It's okay for me to lose everyone and everything, but one thing I'd never want to lose, is myself. I cannot afford to become a mere puppet of the system, propagating lies and spreading insincerity. It was such an extremely uncomfortable experience for me.
However, as the uncomfortable experience continued, it gradually became more comfortable over time. The uncomfortable is slowly becoming comfortable. It didn't take long before I found myself writing lessons with my awful handwriting on the bond paper, while trying to improvise an explanation using my imperfect knowledge.
It was at that time, where I realized, that much of life are just mere improvisations. No one ever bothered to strive for the ideal and prepare for the grand, neither do they have any spare time to do so.
The rush of life is something that can't be easily ignored. Most people spend their lives at school and work, then suddenly realize that they are already 30 years old. The passage of time is non-existent to those who are completely immersed in the rushing river of life.
Money, family, and comfort, there's nothing more important than those three for those who work ceaselessly within the rush of life. While here am I, having spent a lot of years as a dropped-out with barely any job at all, my life seems to have completely slowed down, almost seem like a standstill.
In this small period of time, where my life seems to have stopped, I understood many things, and saw things that can't be usually seen by someone who's always in a hurry. Above all, I realized what's truly important for me.
And now, I'm here, getting myself involved in the rush of life once again. Will I be able to reach my destination first, or will I lose myself first? The uncomfortable unknown awaits us. Unseen possibilities surround every opportunity.
Will we be able to move, without knowing exactly what's in front of us?
What does it take to keep moving forward within the darkness, where every step might be a stable ground or a deadly cliff?
In this realm of the unknown, the greatest of the adventurers have gathered. Untouched resources, ready to be claimed on sight. Marked territories, guarding important routes and facilities.
Only those with faith in their dreams shall be able to reach their destination, in this place where there's no way to know whether the ground below you actually exist.
"Inside this door, they say there's a beast that torments and ears everyone who comes inside, while some say there's a genie that will grant all your heart's desires. Will you dare to come in?"
"I'm telling you, my child, no amount of riches in this world will ever make you comfortable. The only way you'll be at peace is when you have made yourself comfortable with the uncomfortable."
"Don't ever forget your name." ~ Dragon boi, Spirited Away