chapter*Liss
The victor spoils. The fruitless toils. Tightrope dancer. Tambourine.
Announcing! The circus! There’s a slight Middle-Eastern boy on the tightrope bicycle. Upside-down. Terrible dragon! He’s just a snake. Is he fake?
Chorus! Entr’acte! Perhaps a clarinet. Or an oboe! Maracas!
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I’m in the tent. Behind the cage. What is in it? A devil! A devil! An Anglican Devil-Nacht! He is sparking! He can see me! Serrated tail! He flips it! He flips his tail. That’s what I need. I need a tail like that.
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Spiky tail! Saucy tail! Ooooohhh I want that tail!
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I can bargain for it. I can trade. Oh priory devil what can I give you? Oh little fart! That’s what he’s like! He’s a pinch of spice. Cayenne, nutmeg, and sulphur! He’s a solid fart! Striped with yellow and red. Oh sulphur fart! I want that tail!
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What can I do to get it! The trampoline rider comes flying by! He is done with his act. Who is on now? Butterflies! and Angels! and Spies! Oh devil-nacht what do you want? I can let you out of your cage? No? You don’t want that? You can let yourself out. Oh devil-nacht! Why would you keep yourself locked in if you could get out! Silly devil-nacht. What else can I give you? You already have butterflies?! Where do you keep them? There are no butterflies in your cage. Can I give you Angels! and Spies! You already keep them. You mean this whole tent is yours? A whole circus owned by a fart in a cage! A devil who keeps himself locked behind the stage! What can you get for such a thing! I want that tail.
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I can bring you music! I can bring you sights! I can bring you things you cannot see underneath this tent! emphWhat can you bring? I can bring you a picture of the ocean. I will draw you a picture of the sea. Have you ever seen the sea? I will draw you pictures of sailboats. You have never seen a sailboat. I have got you! You have never seen the sea. That’s what I can bring you, little devil! That’s what you will see. I want that tail.
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Ooooohhh! Ooooohhh. Oh devil. Where did you get that tail. Ringmaster tail. With that tail I could whip all the players of the circus! I would whip them into time. They wouldn’t even have to see it whipped. They would simply see it on me. And they would be in time. They would be proper. They would scare. Scare down players, scare down. Too much havok. Too much time. Oooooh I want that tail.
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Do you think this devil might bite? I don’t think he will. He looks like he’s afraid of me. He looks scared. I put my hand out to him. He puts his fuzzy cheek against it. This devil isn’t bad! He rubs me. He takes my hand. This devil has peach fuzz on him! I’m jumping up and down. This isn’t even a devil! He’s a babbit. He’s a babbit or a bobbit, I’m not sure. He’s dressed for Halloween! I want that tail.
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And now the music’s ending! Don’t take down that tent! Don’t wrap that line! This is not your circus! This is mine! Oh no Angels! Spies! Not the butterflies! Devil make them stop! Can you make them? You said this was your circus! Make them put it up! This is not the circus ending! Stop the orchestra from ending! Make them maraca. Make them tambourine. Oh no, not the oboe! Not the clarinet! Sir, you can’t go. Who will the cello have to play with? You can’t have just empha string! Please don’t go.
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See what you’ve done bad creature. Now you see what you’ve done? The tent no longer covers up the sky. Look! Look! The violin is crying! emphTake your maracas! Keep your tail! Wander off into the woods, into some other fairy-tale. Badd lizard. Badd skunk. Badd yellow-and-red fart. Just a devil in a cage. Was there naught I could bring you? For that powerful spiky tail.
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And now I’m waking from my dream. You can always tell. In your dreams you can remember everything. When you wake up you start to forget.
In your dream everything is reachable. When you wake it starts to slip.
I’m by the pool. This isn’t a circus. I know it’s not a circus. There’s no Anglican Devil-Nacht here. There’s no Middle-Eastern circus pony. He’s not here.
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See how dreams ending will lie to you?
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Because there is a big fat bunny. He’s right there. And there’s my SHARK!
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Waking up will always lie to you.
I think that devil-nacht was hungry. I wonder what he eats.
My blanket was probably the circus tent. See: now my blanket’s soaked. I can probably sneak past that big fat bunny. And sleep on the couch. SHARK! are you gonna be okay by yourself? Good.
I’m not even sure sharks have nerves. But I do.
Cock is holding the baby. The baby is awake. Cock’s hand is gripping the arm of the deck chair. That’s his one hand. Cock’s other arm is around the baby. The baby is awake.
He’s looking at me. He’s alert. He looks like a smart one. He’s propped against Cock’s chest. He’s like gripping to stay alive. Cock is out so deep he’s not snoring. Cock is out so deep he’s hardly emphbreathing. I’m gonna snatch that baby. I’m gonna save him.
Slip my arms in. Cock’s eye is half open. My mother sleeps that way. It freaks me out. His other eye is closed. Something wrong with that. Something wrong with these people. Maybe me too. (I’m with them.)
Slip that arm in, between Cock and the baby. I’m gonna have to figure out his real name. Cock’s a sweaty sleeper. Gonna have to get this one a real name. I’m slipping my arm in. The baby’s watching my hand. He looks like a Thomas. Maybe John or Percy. William is too formal. He’s not a prince. Maybe Woodrow. Or Woodruff. Ruff! Ruff! He’s like a dog, a Spaniel maybe. Pietro? Come’ere baby. You shoulda been born Italian. To some nice family. Come’ere. Maybe I’ll name you after my dad. Little Richard. Or is that taken? Come’ere little boy. That’s right! Hi! Hi! You don’t mind if I hold you for a while? No! You don’t! You’re so alert! What a beautiful baby (considering). What a beautiful boy. Take you over by the pool. Your daddy’s sleeping. My daddy’s sleeping, too. Perhaps. At least we know where your daddy is! Yeah! You just wanted some attention. Beautiful baby boy. Why did they name you what they named you? You definitely should have been born Italian. Or with us. You could have been born with us. Feel the water? Yeah! Yeah. Oh, baby we’re gonna be just fine. Are you cold? You have to be. What’s wrong with this family? Where’s Dad? Feel this water baby. I’ll just call you Little Richard anyway. Do you feel this water? Yeah. Yeah. Good baby. Weird. Baby sleeping quietly in passed-out dad’s arm. He’s prob’ly used to it. “Your dad is sleeping.” The pool compressor kicks on. There’s my vista. It’s cold now, though, it’s cold and gone. All the houses are quiet. I guess that’s LA down there. It’s an empty hallway. Throw a pool chair at a skylight the police don’t even come. Did the people even call them? Or did they have better things to do. Quiet little baby. Little baby boy.
Cock moves on the chair behind me. He’s saying something in his sleep about Brenda.
You and me are gonna wait this out together. Shhh. Shhh. Quiet. Beautiful baby boy. Richard is a nice name. It works for my dad. I suppose it will work for you.
Cock is kicking things. What is that? The jug of mojitos. Candy makes the best kiwi mojito north of Guant’anamo. Or so I’ve heard. Cock is kicking this plastic pitcher with dried kiwi in it. Maybe he wants his baby. You never know with these people. Cock might wake up and want his baby. But I’m gonna save this kid. Cock might wake up and come towards me. I’d have my back against the pool. There’d be my vista behind me. And Cock would wake up angry and he would want his baby back. I might have to employ all-access tactics. I might have to float him in the pool. Like Moses. Or maybe I’d carry him down the stairs. Down into the vista. See if the skylight people could help.
“Her name’s not Brend,” Cock is saying. And his foot moves.
I shouldn’t have taken this baby. “Should I?” I ask him. Little Richard flexes his fingers and smiles. I don’t think this kid is ruined after all.
There are lights on his face. The lights are red and blue. Oh good: the cops. There’s cop-light in front of the house. I wonder where my dad is. Maybe he’s with them! Front or back seat? It’s too late to put this baby back now! Cock will probably be happy. He’ll be glad I took him. They could have had an accident. All I have to do is not have an accident between now and when the cops take him, and everything will be okay. I might even leave a note for the skylight people.
Just don’t drop the baby in the water. He’s not Moses. He’s Little Richard.
Cock’s doorbell rings. Ding-emphdong! I wonder if he had that put in special. It doesn’t wake him. Be quiet baby. The cops don’t knock. The bell doesn’t ring again. Don’t they bust in the door now? Here’s a flashlight, coming around the side. That cop is messing with the fence. There’s a lock. He’s jiggling it. Now Cock starts moving. I better move. Cock is gripping the other side of his chair. He looks down. He sees the kiwi pitcher. He taps it with his foot. I’m looking at Little Richard. Be quiet baby. The cop’s flashlight is still. It’s pointed at the ground. Cock sees the police light. “What the hell?” He whispers it. He doesn’t see it. Just a little longer baby. Cock stands. He kicks the chair. The police light shines up. “Who’s there?” Cock says. I take the baby. I take him. I’m tip-toeing around the pool, around its edge, where SHARK! is doing laps. I’m holding baby with me and I think he understands. We have to hide. Sometimes people get shot. Just don’t trip! Don’t trip, Liss. I doubt that cop knows baby CPR. So don’t trip. Hold the baby. Look at Cock. Does Cock see us? No. How can you fall asleep with a baby in your arms and forget it? I don’t know. Cock is saying “Jimmy? Is that you?” And Jimmy says: “Yeah.” I’m standing on the edge. One foot up. One foot up. Standing on the edge of my vista. Everyone needs a vista. I’m up where the hedge is, on a brick fence. Hold on baby. Hold on. Cock is unlocking it for Jimmy. “Why didn’t you ring the bell.” “I did.” Cock opens the lock. I’m up on the fence. Jimmy comes in. I’m over the wall. Jimmy shines his light around. “Cock, what the fuck. Your neighbors called again.” I’m down. Hold on Richard, hold on. Slide down. Stairs here. They go down the terrace. So you can get to your neighbors’. I bet the skylight people never come up here. If they do they sneak up, at night, and watch them party. I’m looking over the edge. Rocking my baby. I lower my head. I can’t even see him. I put my face down and let him grab my hair. “Yeah, baby.” He pulls hard. I just watch. Jimmy—this cop—comes in the gate after Cock gets it open for him. Cock is looking around like he forgot something. “How you doin’, man?” “Those motherfuckers called again?” Jimmy sits down. He shines his light in the pool. “Yeah,” he says. Cock is behind him. Cock looks into the kitchen. He puts his hand on Jimmy’s shoulder. “You want a line?” Rock that baby. “What?” Jimmy turns around. “You want a line.” Cock says it with a deeper voice this time. Jimmy looks back in my direction. I don’t move. “Yeah,” the cop says. He switches off his light. “Why not.” He gets up. He goes with Cock to the kitchen. “Do you know what time it is?” That’s the last thing I hear. Cock closes the door. And then it’s just the two of them. All the house lights on. Shades open. Everything facing the vista. And Cock brings out his medicine bottle. Hold that baby. Do not move a muscle. Pinch yourself. Pinch yourself. Maybe this is just a dream.