Another article about my social interaction experience at the plaza.
Tags: Personal, Observations, Long, Self-improvement, Socialization, Progress, Organized Concepts
Someone approached me, but this time, they look more human and less desperate, unlike the previous person who was crazy enough to keep begging me "please can I [REDACTED]". Of course, I ran away as fast as I could from the previous person.
It's really really annoying, but since I'm out to have fun today, I decided to actually talk with the person who approached me just to try my chances at conversation.
At first, silence and awkwardness filled the air, but I don't want the same thing keep happening anymore so I decided to say more things and ask more questions than before. My conversation skills leveled up!
Still, I noticed a discouraging lack of flow and structure in the conversation. Humans who are extremely shy or lacks conversation skills, I won't let their stupidity decrease the quality of my conversations.
I'm not always in the mood for a Chaotic-Comfortable talking style which can make any conversation start and flow on its own, it's important that I have a backup conversation style to fall into.
Therefore, I decided to write...
Rules and guidelines we should always try to follow for a higher standard and quality of conversations.
Thou shalt always pay attention to whatever they say and give effort in trying to understand them.
(The moment you lied that you heard or understood their words, will also be the moment they're going to make escape plans and run away from you.)
Thou shalt reveal all your conversational deficiencies and time limitations the conversation.
(This makes you look authentic and human, not weak and stupid. Say sorry as many times as needed when you're telling your deficiencies.)
Thou shalt quickly defuse and label any hidden accusations, grudges, and negative emotions that interfere within the conversation.
(A conversation with lots of unspoken agendas, intentions, and emotions involved makes even the bravest person uncomfortable. Be sure to defuse your own feelings as well if it interferes with the conversation.)
Thou shalt try your best to be interested in the other person, as well as share some information regarding yourself.
(Honest sharing from both parties shall increase and widen the Johari Mirrors governing the scope of the conversation.)
Thou shalt use body language and tone to provide full immersion of both parties within the conversation.
(Cold words without any emotions or tone feels as if it's spoken by a robot swiftly kills the conversation.)
Thou shalt remain firm and tenacious in the face of awkward silence, anxious sensations, and restlessness.
(The other party will only be comfortable talking with you if you feel comfortable talking to them first.)
Thou shalt speak for yourself whenever your boundaries are stepped and you feel uncomfortable with their actions.
(Put their drum hand away from your hips and neck, place some distance, and speak with unflinching confidence.)
At some point in the conversation, both parties suddenly stops talking. With the uneasiness creeping in and the mannerisms on the hand getting more restless, it's imperative that we have boredom destroyers ready to be unleashed on our sleeves.
The greatest conversations revolves in stories. If the conversation atmosphere is good enough, you can make them tell a story about something. Chaos-type people can tell stories about everything without needing to be asked, but if they're not the type, ask any of these questions with an interested tone:
Otherwise you can tell a story about yourself or your experiences especially if the other person looks more like a listener than a speaker.
Talk about the most interesting things you have been focusing at. Naturally, this leads to the most interesting and attractive conversations. Such enthusiasm spreads to the people around you like a virus and if they're interested at your topic, you'll have a very meaningful conversation.
This is also the time to showcase any interesting and cool skills you have, like spinning something on your fingers, guessing the character profile of people around you, or the precious stone collection you're keeping inside your pocket.
If they ever ran away or get scared from the stuff you're telling them, then that would be for the best, since chances are, you'll never have good conversations or relationship with them in the first place.
Grab a machinegun loaded with hundreds of questions and indiscriminately fire it at them until a good conversation finally starts or when they have decided to leave. Only use this when you're extremely bored and dislikes the person you're talking with.
Here are the most common questions that everyone's asking, surround them with follow-up open-ended questions and they're going to drop dead from speaking too long.
Questions about...
Although my first task is almost complete — rewiring the neural links of emotions to escape the grasp of logic, I'm still unable to completely neutralize my exaggerated sense of self and events of rejection.
This, in turn, gives rise to encountering some emotional resistance when it comes to interacting with people.
The thoughts "This is imperfect and risky" are gone, the only resistant thoughts that remain within my mind are "I must resist the temptations!" and "I must remain calm". These thoughts are weaker than the previous ones, so they shall be removed soon after enough time.
I believe that one of the main obstacles here is the sudden increase of temperature in my body and my mind instantly changing to "Hunting mode" whenever the thought "I want... to have fun!" suddenly appears in front of my mind.
Ah sheep, I hate it when both of them happens at the same time, it makes me feel as if I've turned into a completely different person that I don't even recognize. I find it terrifying whenever I become even slightly different from the innocent and nice person I am.
This sudden changes in personality sets off all the alarms on the my brain and instantly turns it to "Defensive Resistance Mode" where all of my emotions and desires are actively neutralized and suppressed.
I remembered setting that mental alarm when I was still a child to prevent myself from doing anything crazy that might destroy my life within seconds. It worked a lot of times, it's so effective that it even prevented me from doing even other things that can build my life within seconds.
Maybe, I should remove that alarm and open myself to the possibility of change and cringe. Whether that change is a positive change or a negative one, it would be at least a little better than doing nothing and learning nothing.
After all, pain feels magnitude of times better than the feeling of pure emptiness.
"It seems that my life has reached the point where I can now speak as someone with a lot of experience — that torture would be a more viable alternative than being consumed by nothingness."
"Never expect others to be perfect, don't expect yourself to be perfect either. Be imperfect and allow others to be imperfect as well. We are all comrades in imperfection."
"Keep going, the gate is almost open."