Current progress as of December 21, 2022.
Although the ego within is weakening and losing its power over me, it's still there. It's weak, but I can still feel the faint desire to survive, be safe, and special.
I have decided that I have no need of any of that. This world is so unstable and temporary that we cannot expect it to keep us safe and special. Though the universe may seem to revolve around us, we are but a grain of sand in the grand scale of things.
The person we think we are, isn't even us. Our real identities is eternal, outside of time and space. It's the Peaceful Observer, the I Am that observes our thoughts, feelings, and experiences without any judgement.
It's strange... Trying to cling to the self that isn't even "us" and running away from a world that is constantly fading away. The true universal importance of something depends on how easy is it to lose.
Thus, everything around us aren't so important at all. Even ourselves aren't that important as well. We are but a nobody wandering in this fading world, trying to find a stable and safe ground we can stand on.
Everything's so impermanent and trivial, don't you think it's funny how we take it so seriously? It's like we're trying so hard to catch the wind only for it to evade our hands all the time.
Of course, Nihilism isn't the solution, though the solution is very close for it to mistake it as one. The solution is about denying the life and the self society assigned to you, forgetting it, then starting your own life that you can enjoy, even for only a brief moment.
I remember in The World After the Fall webtoon, where the first stage of awakening is Doubting — doubting everything you see, everything you know, and everything people say, then the second stage of awakening is Understanding the World of Doubt — finding the true answers behind your doubting, then finally Forgetting the Self Defined by the World, "Self-Surrender", which marks the third stage of awakening.
The stages of awakening in that webtoon can be applied into the real world. By doubting the truth and importance of everything, we come closer to reality as we understand ourselves not as the person, a victim to the world, but the Doubter behind the person, the one who seeks to experience the world.
It seems Enlightenment has became too mainstream and somewhat important that there are so many meanings attached to it. The word has became corrupted and turned into another false identity for the ego to use.
For many, enlightenment is now seen as being superior to common and normal people, being above everything, which destroys its true meaning. Even I sometimes find myself craving enlightenment for the sake of being superior.
Enlightenment makes me think as if I have to be enlightened before living my life, that I have to first understand the entire universe before I try talking to someone. The concept has been indeed corrupted beyond repair, it's time to replace it.
Towards spiritual advancement, it's important to use proper and uncorrupted words, words that are vague and deep enough not to have a fixed meaning or metaphors that shows the workings of nature.
Thus, I'll replace the word Enlightenment with Beingness, which refers to the person's quality of Being. I've already discussed Being before so I'm not going to discuss it again.
If Conscious Awareness is the way of Being, the way and direction to the truth, then Beingness is the destination. We do not need to know the destination to reach it, only the direction for it, so Being is more than enough.
However, understanding Beingness evolves Being to a much more beautiful practice. Beingness has three attributes: the Timeless, Weightless, and Colorless.
Timeless means the elimination of Time from our life, until the beginning, the way, and the end becomes One. Being helps us be more Timeless that we'll never be impatient again.
Weightless means the elimination of Ego from our life, such that we stop attaching any importance to everything, to our words, life situation, and actions. Being helps us be more Weightless that we can see the Impermanence of everything.
Colorless means the elimination of Pain-body from our life, such that we stop hiding or lying to ourselves and others. Being helps us be more Colorless and Transparent, allowing the light of peace to pass through us and reach the world.
There are three things required for complete Transcendence or Beingness — Timeless, Weightless, and Colorless.
Their action-word equivalents that are necessary to reach them would be Stillness, Lightness, and Openness.
As much as cool and wonderful it would be to reach all three of them at once, it would be easier for us to focus on one thing at a time. Once we got at least one of them correct, then the others will naturally follow.
Being Light enough to attach no importance or significance to myself, my possessions, and my situation is still difficult for me, considering how I seem to place a lot of importance on my phone, knowledge, and family. I'm still a little reluctant to give up all of them and that's okay.
Being Open enough to hide nothing from everyone and myself may cause extreme rapid changes in the outside world, which I'm still not prepared for. Fear is still heavily rooted in my mind, and just like any other person who identifies with their ego, I'm not sane enough to make myself completely vulnerable and that's okay.
Thus, the one thing I'll be working on will be Stillness. To be still enough that time comes to a halt and everything stops. I've been forced to practice Stillness unconsciously for a many years now due to my own circumstances.
Now, I'm still enough to remain unfazed when my smallest toe accidentally hit an object, still enough that I remain calm even when someone shouts insulting words at my ear, and still enough not to argue with those who think I'm wrong in some way.
I'd like to invest all my stat points into stillness. So that someday, I'll be very still, so still without any cravings, without feeling the need to rush or desire anything. So still that even when the world suddenly ends today, I'll remain completely calm and relaxed.
It's the Stillness which doesn't tremble or shake, a Stillness that doesn't desire of crave. Give me the Stillness that neither fear nor wants, neither hides nor chase. That Stillness of complete Neutrality, one that doesn't judge, hate, or envy.
Let me be the Ocean Without a Wave, who only waves at its own accord, unaffected by the wind and gravity. Allow me to be the Stillness that encompasses the Unknown, the Beyond, and the Place Without a Name and Number.
I merely don't want to be Still, but to become the very essence of Stillness itself. I'll start by remaining Still in the face of thoughts, possibilities, and feelings. I must treat the worst, the best, and the mundane in the same regard, with the same Stillness, without reacting with despair, hype, or free.
This reminds me of the song we used to sing everyday in elementary school, the "Still" song from Hillsong Worship. I never knew I'll be returning to it like this.
Now, for the rest of my life, I shall be still. I shall live my life in non-reaction and stillness.
"This doesn't mean that I won't be moving at all, it just means that I'll never be forced to move anymore."
"Stillness, Lightness, and Openness are very intertwined, progress made in one shall be reflected in the other."
"Through Stillness, time shall be your ally.
Through Lightness, space shall be your friend.
Through Openness, humans shall be your siblings."