chapter*Liss
Sharks cannot breathe out of water. No, they decidedly cannot. My dad is a shark. So is Cock.
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Sharks need water to breathe. I am not a shark.
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Sharks prance on fins. I prance on feet.
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Sharks swim in schools. They can never be alone. I can’t do flocking behavior. Even at school, I am always one.
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Some people always need to have a twin. They look at you like looking through a mirror. They need what’s on the other side to be the same as what is on the one. I am not a shark.
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I just thought we should establish that before we go any further. I feel better now. Are there other things we might establish before going any further? No. I am not a shark. That is all you need to know.
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I do not belong to the family emphchondrichthyes, as sharks do. About three-hundred fifty kinds of sharks are known to mankind. Only one type of me is known. A shark does not have a single bone in its body. I have two-hundred and eight. A shark’s teeth are replaced every eight days. Mine are only replaced once. Sharks never get cancer. I might. The Mako shark is said to be able to swim at more than sixty miles per hour. I cannot swim. (I can tread.) I call the Mako shark emphThe Great White Attack Shark. Sharks attack their prey like a pack of wild dogs. I have a dog. I call my dog Ponce de Le’on. Juan for short. Sharks grow ten inches per annum. Per annum, I grow only one. I am not a shark.
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My flocking behavior is questionable. There must be fish who never learn to flock. If fish never flocked they wouldn’t be photographed as much. There must be a fish right at the middle of the school. Who has never been outside the school. He has lived his entire life. Surrounded.
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He would be like a city person in the country. Like someone from Jersey who’s never pumped his own gas. Then he would go to Montana. And he would have to pump his own gas. He wouldn’t know what to do at first. He would sit in his car. Like someone who’s only ever seen a butterfly in a book. He wouldn’t know what to do with it. He wouldn’t know that it’s squishy. That it has powder covering its body. That it tickles. He wouldn’t know about that. I had a caterpillar once that I let die. I wanted to see what it’s like when something stops breathing.
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If you take something out of its cage it usually doesn’t do too well. I have discovered that.
Maybe that’s why cages exist. The creatures get dependent on their cage. When you take them out. Usually they die.
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Shark had to go back into his. His aquarium. Pila helped me. Hi SHARK! Hi. Are you glad to be back in your cage? Tap tap tap. Hi SHARK! Hungry? Want some sushi? Feed him. Feed him a little bit. He’ll just take a little piece. Feed him a piece of the Barbarian roll. Lift the top. No one looking. Drop. It floats all the way to the bottom. I wonder what happens when a shark eats sushi? Maybe it’s okay if he eats certain kinds. Like if sharks stick to octopus. And octopi stick to California rolls. There’s a degree of separation beyond which it is okay. Within which it disrupts a delicate balance. SHARK! doesn’t notice. He doesn’t even notice. Maybe he knows it will disrupt things. Smart SHARK! Smart. You’re a very smart shark. Unlike some people I know. Dad and Candy are flirting while the bunny goes to the bathroom. That is not smart. Not-smart shark. Not-smart shark. Pila’s watching them. He knows. The rabbit comes out of the bathroom and they’re on their own sides of the bar. Before they were meeting in the middle. Candy leaning over. Dad leaning over. That’s what a not-smart shark and a not-smart shark will tend to do. When they get together. You take a shark from this cage and a shark from that cage and you put them in a cage together. One not-smart shark. Plus another not-smart shark. You put them in a cage together. I am not a shark.
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“Liss, you don’t mind if we go to Candy’s pool party.” “Who’s gonna drive?” “You can if you want to!” Dad and Candy crack up laughing.
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Very funny.
“Who’s driving?”
Dad gets his keys out and puts them on the bar.
“Pila’s going to drive us.”
“No I’m not.”
“SHARK! can drive.”
“What?”
Candy’s laughing, not even looking at me. “She said SHARK! can drive us.”
Dad comes to sit with me.
“Did you feed him sushi?”
“You can’t drive to the party.”
“I won’t, I won’t. Here, hold the keys.”
I’m not taking em.
“Is the bunny coming?”
“Candy.”
“What.”
Dad tilts his head.
Candy comes over. She touches my hands.
“It’s the bunny’s pool,” she says. She takes Dad’s keys and puts them on other other side of the bar. “You’re very smart not to want us driving drunk,” she says.
I put my foot down. “Then who’s driving?”
Candy looks at Pila but he’s gone. “We’ll take a cab.”
“How expensive is that gonna be?”
“Don’t you want to come to the pool?”
“Does it have a chlorine monitor?”
“I don’t know. Baby!” Candy yells into the bathroom.
The bunny sticks his head out. He has the mask on.
It’s just his head sticking around the door.
Huge black sockets for eyes.
“Do you have a pool monitor?”
The rabbit scratches his ears.
“A pool monitor.”
The rabbit shrugs.
I stand up on my chair. My arm is on Dad.
“Do you have a chlorine monitor for your pool?”
The rabbit nods.
No sound comes from his mouth.
Just a giant, slow nod.
“That’s all.”
I say it. The rabbit ducks behind the door.
Candy’s leaning over the bar at my dad.
I put my hand on Candy’s head.
I wipe her hair back.
I look down.
The two of them: not-smart shark and not-smart shark.
And they want to take me to their pool.
“I need to speak to Dad alone.”
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“Are you having an affair?”
“No!”
“Are you and Mom getting divorced?”
“No!”
“I don’t care. I just want to know.”
“We’re just going to their house.”
“But you like her.”
“Candy?”
“It’s okay, I know about you and Mom’s arrangement.’ I just wanna know if you’re executing it.”
“Liss. No. This is optional. We don’t have to go. It’s only if you want to.”
“We’re already going. I know we’re going. I wanna get the ground rules straight.”
“Of course.”
I’m thinking of the rules. “One—is this a sleepover?”
“It’s not a sleepover. It’s an afternoon. It’s like..an hour.”
“Two. I need a suit. We’re stopping at the store on the way.”
“What’s three?”
“Three is the bunny has to say his real name. It freaks me out when people call him Cock.”
“Done.”
“I know you can’t guarantee three. And we gotta get toothbrushes at the store. And I get to pick the dinner. And I’m not,” I say, “I’m not sleeping with anyone else in the same room with me. Even..even Candy. You get me a couch somewhere or I’ll sleep in the car, understood?”
“I told you it’s not a sleepover. Liss.”
I’m wobbling my tooth.
“And I don’t want to hear about you and Mom’s arrangement.”
My dad is nodding.
“Or the exceptions and executions thereof.”
“Understood.”
“And I need some Gummy Worms.”
“We’ll get them at the grocery store.”
“And I need to be back in Hollywood for Pilates tomorrow. That’s an absolute. Are you telling Mom where we’re going?”
My dad has his phone out. He dials Mom.
There’s a wobble in my tooth.
emphSnapdragon.
I’m wiggling it back and forth.
That’s why I need the Gummy Worms.
Darn darn darn I didn’t want this to be happening right now.
Dad is on the phone with Mom.
emphSnapdragon twice.
I’m looking out over the railing by the lake. There’s fish in there.
“Hannah. Hey, it’s me. Me and Liss are going by the store..”
I can feel it. Feel it with my tongue.
emphSnapdragon times three.
I’m gonna loose this tooth.