Reunion Introspection

*That time at the third grand family reunion...*

Hunting behavior, also called search behavior, is when people's senses automatically optimized and directed towards searching for sources of strokes. Prolonged periods of unsuccessful search or hunting leads to Chaos behavior, also called deviant behavior, where one frequents in impulsive activities for the sake of acquiring strokes.

Symptoms include:

- Downloading countless dating apps
- Sending friend requests to attractive online people
- Restlessness
- Clinginess
- Mentally "marking" attractive real life people
- Constantly stealing glances on marked targets
- Easily distracted in other activities
- Extreme focus on searching for sources of strokes
- Loss of social interest in anyone unattractive
- Giving excessive compliments and flirting
- Devilish grin and creepy smiles

Even if I know the solution to this problem, the real problem is, I'm actually enjoying it. Even without actually hunting, without actually getting any results, just the feeling of wanting to hunt, the thrill of having something to hunt, is such a wonderful feeling that I would refuse to let go so easily, unless there's another exciting feeling that would perfectly replace it. This is why it's so difficult to deal with this — it's one of those things where the existence of the problem feels somewhat beneficial that solving it would risk losing the benefits that can be obtained from keeping the same problem.


 
## The Cringe Reunion
Lmao this stupid family reunion, the stupid reunion leader that wears a sheriff hat, made us play a ridiculous game where every person in a circle shakes hands with every other person in a circle clockwise. It's a lame game but it's interesting how much information you can tell from a person with just a handshake.

Oh well, I can only imagine how irritated this one person is because I'm always just stealing glances at them but never approaching nor talking to them. Too bad, reunion person, I'm still neither confident nor chaotic enough to do such thing. It's already the second reunion where I'm doing this and I'll probably do it again for more reunions to come. It will take me ten thousand more reunions before I would even try to approach them. I mean I can demonize them for 1000% success rate but nah, I'm not gonna touch the tree when I'm even too afraid of myself.

Lmao some random person approached me and interviewed me out of nowhere. I guess they're my cousin, like 2nd order or 3rd order cousin. It was interesting, I can see their growing nervousness and frustration from my lack of social interest and my inability to continue real life conversations. It's still impressive how they tried to continue their best to talk to me for as long as they can, and they even tried to give it a proper ending. They even called me Hyung-nim at the end just because I'm one years older than them. It was funny because in the end, we never got to know each other's name. I guess everyone is my cousin here, including the reunion person I keep staring at.

What's worse is that all my sisters saw and heard what a ridiculous farce that is, my inability to see and respond to social cues and the awkward answers I gave. It won't be surprising if the person who approached me thought at the end that I didn't even tried or gave an ounce of effort. It's not that I'm terrible at this, it's that I didn't even try, and that's what made me terrible. Hmm I should consider trying next time, perhaps I can even say, "Don't just stand there, take a seat". Gosh why did that person had to approach me like that, I feel so stupid now, they must have felt so stupid too.

 
### How it Ended
Hmm the family reunion has ended now... I wonder, am I really satisfied with just observing, staring, and watching? Am I already satisfied with just staring at the stars? No, of course not. After all, I'm staring at the stars because I long to hold them, even if it means burning my entire hand and body. I believe there's no more glorious and fitting end than to die trying to hold the stars.

I knew I would regret it. Yet despite that, I still didn't do anything. When I'm living in the moment, I'm too concerned about what I might lose, forgetting what I could gain. When looking back in the past at hindsight, only then I remember the opportunities that I have ignored just because I'm too afraid to fail and lose something.

The reunion wasn't bad, I gained two new experiences and learned something that I have forgotten. I think it could have been better though. They should have rented a designated spot where teenagers and young adults could hang out and another designated spot where older people can hang out. It's annoying when in a social gathering, people stay together with their own groups, instead of mingling with others. Having a specific cottage or place for people within the same age groups to hangout will make people less clingy to their own families and cliques, while encouraging meeting new people.

 
### Recommendations
Plus there's no way a reunion will be complete without sitting around a light source and telling stories to each other. It doesn't even have to be a campfire, even a fun lamp would be enough to create such dreamy atmosphere. If we had that in the reunion, it would have been so fun seeing people introduce themselves, tell their stories, and laugh together.

To make most of the reunion, the reunion officers should at least bring bingo or board games so the introverts can have something fun to play. The goal should be to manage people's free time as much as possible by giving plenty of opportunities to meet and interact with new people. They should be given plenty of excuses to talk with one another.

To make it even better, there should be a fun social game where everyone can be a player, without needing much physical activity or stage presence. Imagine a game where you give specific pieces to introverts who are not very active in the reunion, those who want to actively play the game will be given pieces too, and they can interview other players in the game, cooperate and talk with them, in hopes of learning if the other half of the pieces is with them. The rules of the game forbid directly telling the other party about the exact piece you own, no one must know the name of your piece. So you if you're an active player, you have to indirectly interview other players to see if they have the others half of your piece, and if you're a passive player, you'll have to give informative answers without revealing your piece. The first three pair who managed to find the other half of their piece without revealing the names of their pieces will win. This will give the players enough excuses to talk with each other.

If I were the organizer, I'll also have a feedback form in the reunion that everyone can access and answer, and those who submit this feedback form can get a fun small reward. This way, I'll know how I could have improved the family reunion next time.