Doubt works deep within you like a disease or, even more effectively, like a faith—EM Cioran
I'm on my rolling stool laying my hands all over Kimmie, feeling her in every curve, in every cavern, and Kimmie is laughing, telling me I'm tickling her.
"Is your butt ticklish?"
(Laugh.) "Yes!"
"What about your belly button?"
"Yes! My whole self is ticklish with you!"
"Your whole self, huh?"
"Yup," Kimmie giggles.
I scoot to the edge of the chair to get closer to the dead girl.
"Guess what?" I say.
"What?" she says.
"You are high right now..on a drug called scopolamine..and it'll make you do anything I tell you."
"I know."
"You do?"
"Yeah, you guys have been talking about it. I'm lying right here listening."
"You look like you got your pussy off real good."
"I did."
"So do you feel aware right now?"
"I am aware."
"Yeah that's wild. 'Cause you don't have free will right now."
"I know."
"You do?!"
"Yeah, I can tell."
"So you know that anything I say, you'll do."
"Yeah, it's wild."
I turn to Anna.
"Prob'ly shoulda used a bigger dose."
Then back to Kimmie:
"Does it make you feel uncomfortable or self-conscious at all?"
"No, not at all. I feel like I've known you two forever."
"Does it bother you that you won't remember anything about this conversation?"
"I won't?"
"Nope."
"Yeah. That bothers me a little."
"Don't think about it, then."
"Ok, I won't!"
Kimmie smiles.
"I'm gonna stick my fingers in your pussy now. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"Oh for sure!"
She moves my hand down to her cunt.
"Why don't you lock up your right hand using your left hand—you see that clamp?"
Kimmie does exactly what I say. Then I lock up her left hand.
I touch her—cock hardens knowing she would never let me do this to her normally—cock hardens knowing that right now I own her body—and I feel inside her, deep, with two fingers.
"You feel good, don't you?"
Kimmie nods.
"You know what would make you feel even better?"
"What?" Kimmie says.
I turn to Anna.
"You wanna give her a shot?"
Anna says, "What kind of shot?"
"Crystal meth. It's in the tool chest, second drawer down on the far left. Get out a plastic bag with crystals in it. Lighter. Spoon. Cotton balls. One of the wide drawers in the bottom row, right side, has clean needles. Get one of those. Use latex gloves."
Kimmie tries to lift her head but the neck clamp prevents it.
"I don't want to do crystal meth."
"Oh yes you do."
"I do?"
"Oh yeah, Kimmie. You'll love it. It's a very pleasant drug and if you've ever had an orgasm on crystal it's like 20 times a normal orgasm. I'm gonna make you cum with a vibrator and it's gonna be one of the most amazing experiences of your life."
"Too bad you won't remember it," Anna says from behind me.
Kimmie looks over in Anna's direction. I can hear Anna fumbling with the syringes.
I rub Kimmie's belly, then lean into her ear.
I whisper. "But you're gonna feel it now, and that's what matters."
I put a finger in her mouth, then slide it down to her clit and give her a circular rub.
She closes her eyes and rubs her lips together.
"I'm glad I met you," she says.
"I'm glad I met you, too—more than you can know," I say.
Anna comes over with a spoonful of melted ice and a fresh syringe removed from its wrapping.
"Is that the first time you've done that?"
"Yes."
"Good job. That's perfect, Anna."
She tries to hand the setup to me.
"No no. This is all you."
I get up from my stool and invite Anna to sit down.
"Anna's going to give you a shot of ice," I say.
"What's ice?" says Kimmie.
"It's the very best crystal meth. You can tell by the color. Shitty crystal is kind of a yellow color. Ice is pure white. It has a different granularity, too—but don't you worry, Kimmie, that there is the best crystal meth there is. I got it off a girlfriend of mine in LA. In a few minutes you're gonna be thanking Anna for giving it to you."
I come back around with the heart monitor.
Anna sees me holding the device.
"I thought we were gonna give her a shot."
I lean over Kimmie's chair and attach the red, white, and blue leads to the dead girl's chest and abdomen. The $3 heart monitor hangs at Kimmie's side.
"So we're gonna give her a super dose and have her hallucinating shit she'll never forget in her entire goddamn life that's worse than her worst nightmares?"
"No, you're gonna give her the dose. And it's not just one super dose. It's timed at certain intervals around the hour..and she'll be fine—I just want to break down her mind a little bit."
"Do we have to break down her mind? Can't we give her a normal dose?"
I look at Anna like she's crazy.
"What's the fun in that?" I say.
Anna says, "Kimmie, are you sure you want this shot?"
"Mmm hmm," Kimmie says, all sexy.
"What's the use in asking her, she's a fucking zombie!! Hey! Hello! You know you're a fucking zombie, right?"
Kimmie put both hands as far below her waist as she could given the wrist clamps and she lifted her pelvis up, pushing her vulva in the air as far as possible.
"I know I am," Kimmie said. Then she whispered, "Give me the shot."
Anna held the spoon and the syringe closer together, then stopped.
She looks at me.
"I'll talk you through it."
So I talked her through it—needle in spoon, filter with cotton, needle in vein (I squeezed Kimmie's arm to pop the vein), suck the syringe out until you see blood to make sure you're in the vein.
"Now drop the plunger."
"Fast or slow."
"She'll enjoy it more if you do it fast."
Anna did it perfectly: fast but smooth, she dropped the plunger and shot that whole dose of crystal into Kimmie's arm.
Anna looked at me and I nodded.
"Now pull the needle out of her arm—straight. You don't want to fuck up her veins."
Anna pulled it out and I was there with a paper towel to wipe up the blood spot.
"Biohazard trashcan," I said, and pressed the foot lever to open its lid.
Anna tossed in the syringe and the cotton ball and I covered it with the bloody paper towel.
We both strip off our surgical gloves and toss them in the can.
"Perfect. Like a fucking pro."
"Did it work?"
"Look at her."
Kimmie is flying, her eyes have tears at their corners—one of the tears runs down her face.
"Yeah. It worked."
Kimmie's hands are caressing her thighs from within the wrist clamps.
"You can take those off so she can touch herself."
Anna double checks with me for approval.
I nod.
"It's a little bolt..right underneath the arm rest. Just pull it out and it'll release the clamp."
Anna kneels on the near side of the chair and figures out the bolt. She releases the clamp. When she's on the far side I say:
"That's all that was keeping you there, all that time."
Anna looks at me sadly and releases the bolt on Kimmie's right hand. She comes back to me with the bolts in her hand and we watch Kimmie's hands go immediately for her nipples.
"I know. Isn't that crazy. It just makes you want to lie there and touch your nipples all day."
"I know, right?" Kimmie says.
I check her pussy. White liquid is flowing out of it.
"Do you mind?" I say.
Anna can see the bulge in my pants.
She heads for the door.
"You can stay."
"Do you mind if I get my cigarettes?"
"The truck is unlocked. Keys are in the ignition. Do whatever you want, Anna."
I'm unzipping my pants.
Anna says: "You trust me with the keys to your truck in the ignition and you're not gonna follow me out to check on me or anything?"
"No offense, Anna, but all I really want to do is fuck this 17 year old in this gorgeous-looking pussy—you're down with that, right, Kimmie?"
"Oh yeah."
"I don't have any kind of hold over you, AM. There's more Coke in the fridge. Get your cigarettes. Come back. Don't come back. I like you a lot so I hope you do come back but you can do whatever you want."
"I just wanna get my cigarettes," Anna says, and leaves the crate, leaves the door open, and I'm just getting my dick inside Kimmie's pussy when I hear the screen door bang closed.
When Anna came back I was almost done—the combination of a tight-as-fuck pussy and knowing this girl was under my complete control—I could basically tell her to cum and she would cum on command—that excited me more than anything.
Anna leaned against the work table and as she watched me ejaculate in this teenage bitch I watched her take the first drag she'd had off a cigarette in over a month—we were both engaging in our chosen pleasure of the moment and it was godlike to look at each other as we each took up our preferred enjoyments.
"You use surgical gloves to wipe up one drop of her blood but you fuck that bitch without a condom?"
"If you were a guy you'd understand."
"I'm a girl and I do understand! You think I can't tell the difference between a condom dick and an actual dick?!"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."
Anna rolls her eyes.
When she finishes her cigarette and I sufficiently convince Kimmie that she's perfectly alright with everything that's going on, Anna and I go to work on the dead girl with a meth needle and a phone timer, and we work that little bitch into a hallucinogenic frenzy that will give her images she will never forget, paranoid concepts that will alter her thinking forever, and we push her right to the limit: past screaming, past mumbling, into the realm of silence and gripping the sides of the chair, her eyes tracking the room for figures that were definitely not there.
Anna didn't seem to mind—she seemed fascinated more than anything.
In fact, she did all the shots—I just sat there and watched the process and kept a loose eye on the heart monitor. When we couldn't safely pump her up anymore, Anna and I left the cage—all the lights on—and went into my house.
"Do you want to watch TV or something?" I said.
"Not really. I'm tired," Anna said.
"I'm tired too. There's the bed and there's the couch. I recommend the bed 'cause it's a lot more comfortable."
"Are you sleeping in the bed?"
"Yes, it's my house, it's my bed, I'm sleeping in the bed."
Anna pulls out her cigarettes.
"Can I?" she asks.
"Be my guest."
I leave her standing in the living room, trying to light her cigarette, her hands shaking.
Ten minutes later I hear her undressing and she slips into bed next to me. My back is to her.
After a few seconds she says, "What the fuck??"
"I assume you're referring to the cold metal thing in bed between us."
"Uh..yes..that's what I'm referring to. You sleep with your Glock?"
"Here's the thing, my new friend. We started out our relationship in an unconventional way. You may have feelings about that. You may not be able to get over those feelings. So we're gonna sleep with that thing between us. If you want, kill me at any time. If you decide to kill yourself, do it in the crate. I hate messes. If you kill me, I don't have to deal with the mess, so you can shoot me right here, as I sleep. If you kill yourself, I'll have to deal with the mess, and I don't want a dead body in my house. So do it in the crate, ok?"
Anna doesn't say anything for about an hour. Then, just as I'm drifting off, she says:
"Can I have a shot of the crystal?"
"If you're my partner you have to stay sober. No crystal. No alcohol. Do you do any other drugs?"
"That was the first drug I ever did."
"Well now it's your last. If I catch you shooting that shit I'll kill you on the spot. Ok?"
"Ok. I get it."
"You do?"
"Yeah."
"Ok. Good. You're a good girl, Anna. Do you have the Glock?"
"Yes. It's right here."
"Do you remember the rules?"
"Yes."
"Ok. Goodnight. We need our sleep for tomorrow."
Anna pulls my shoulder so I'm lying on my back. She looks me in the eyes as she speaks.
"But you have your new girl here. Why am I still alive?"
I roll back over.
"Cat's still having fun playing with the lizard," I say, and I put the pillow over my head and fall asleep.