Solitude and silence. Chaos and annihilation. Tenderness and curiosity. They are simply 6 sides of the same cube. And this cube... is unfortunately me.
Human life is like a swamp. Every time you try to take a step, you have to experience perpetual discomfort from the countless needs, itches, impulses, and social expectations. There are countless flies biting on your skin. It is dark and you don't know the way out. Oftentimes you slip from the vines and land face first on the swamp. The crickets keep making noises. Every aspect and sensation is both overwhelming and bothersome. The only relief is that your brain prevents you from perceiving all sensations at once and makes you focus on the problem at hand. However, if you're too neurodivergent that your brain doesn't filter other thoughts and sensations, then sucks to be you.
Regardless, we must always keep moving forward. Take another painstaking step no matter how awful it is. Because the only thing worse than taking another step, is to not do anything at all and be quietly eaten by the flies and mosquitoes.
Executive functioning, accidental mishaps, and social quality — you can measure how broken a person is by simply measuring these three things. Those with unstable sleeping schedules, unable to create or follow plans, and tendency to delay crucial tasks have problems in daily functioning. Those who accidentally use another person's toothbrush, use their slippers inside the house, forget to turn off the stove, and do other everyday accidents have problems remaining consciously awake, they are often in dissociative state and zoning out. Those who do not go out with friends or family at least once a week, cannot express themselves to the people close to them, and simply having a terrible or non-existent social life is going to become more emotionally unstable and susceptible to illnesses.
"You need therapy." No, that is not what you want to say, it is not the answer to all the world's problems. What you really intended to say is this "You need someone to understand and care for you, to accept who you really are, while encouraging you to grow and partake in new activities." This is something that even cavemen can do. Honestly, it is something that every person on earth are morally obligated to do. But alas, how can one do something they haven't seen being done before? How can one be expected to do something they're not sure even existed? You, above all else, know that it is definitely the right thing to do. Just as how instinct drives you to eat and drink, it also drives you to speak with any strangers you crossed paths with, comfort those who are downcast, and accompany those who are alone.
My favorite book says that the souls who came from our planet are called "Agondonters" — those who can believe without seeing. Unlike other planetary spheres with their own planetary princes who manage the sociocultural and moral development of the entire planet, our planet has none and we are all left to our own devices. We are cooked. Unless we can believe without seeing, act without rewards, then we are doomed to rot in this terrible swamp. Because there is no one who leads the way, no one who sets a good example, each of us must lead our own paths without seeing the back of anyone else. It is beyond terrifying. The last thing you want in this swamp is to be so completely alone that there is no one to follow and no map to guide you on your way out. And yet, that's how it is.
Humans seek that which is comfortable — something they can understand, control, and predict. And I... am neither. My mere presence is uncomfortable, suspicious, and often overwhelming. I am beyond annoyed that my autism isn't enough to explain away all the peculiarities of my existence. Here I thought getting a diagnosis would be enough of a license to do all kinds of weird and insane things. I cannot believe that even among autistic humans, I am also an outcast. It's like autistic humans are like people with a mutation on one or two parts of their body. Some use their mutation to get powerful, most get destroyed by it. Most get mutations on their senses and skin. While, I, unfortunately got mutations on my ENTIRE BODY. MY SYNCHRONISATION RATE WITH MY AUTISM IS OVER 100% THAT IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE AUTISM AT ALL. What's even worse is that none of these mutations destroy me, instead they make me too powerfully insane. Ah this really sucks.
I fear... that the next time I look at the mirror will be my last. The entity in the mirror will become me and we will become one. So why do I spend the rest of my days in anime and games, you ask? Because there's nothing else for me to do other than to look at the mirror. There's nothing else for me to do than to enter the portal. And trust me, you won't like it if I did. So pray, pray that the abyss doesn't scream, pray that the void doesn't break, and pray that this world can withstand whatever it is about to face.