Being the last day of the year 2022, here is my final writing, my last analysis for the year. Here contains my most important observations and learnings.
Mortal life is like a virtual reality game forced into our souls for us to grow and mature by experiencing a short but intense life in the flesh.
Our consciousness isn't trapped, but trained in the chambers of time and space, such that we may learn to understand the importance and nature of the infinite through the finite.
The more detached or attached a person is with their life, the more difficult it is for them to connect with their higher consciousness. Neither attachment nor detachment is the solution, but a sublime awareness, a judgeless experience beyond all concepts and labels.
The ego shrinks the person's consciousness and makes them attach the words "impossible", "inferior", and "superior". It gives a person who's already dreaming, another dream inside a dream.
Then when the person starts thinking of everything in terms of better or worse, their entire life begins to fluctuate and revolve around those concepts, decreasing their ability to experience and increasing their ability to judge and analyze
Of course, all of this is planned and perfect. Everything that happens is allowed to happen, everything you can do, you're allowed to do. The ego is one of the main mechanisms in mortal life in which the mortal familiarizes themselves with feelings of grief, despair, and insanity.
As the ego continuously propels the cycle of pain and pleasure, despair and hope, the mortal has no choice but to grow and adapt to the changing environment, until the day they outgrow the illusions that creates the dream inside the dream.
It's a simple cycle of Make or Break, following this algorithm:
While the person is still stuck, break them so they can outgrow the dream within the dream If they're not stuck, then help them so they can wake up from the dream
Basically, the universe would seem like your trainer at first, then when you finally grow enough to win against your trainer, the trainer would be your partner.
As long as there's something in you that still wants to live, change, and grow, you'll be fine no matter how much you're beaten or how long the time has passed.
After all, it's not you who's being beaten, but your mortal body and mind, so that they may become a suitable form that can hold the infinite.
The entire universe vibrates. If one is spacious and still enough, one'll hear the universe. I'm too sensitive that I can hear people's strong thoughts, emotions, and desires, as well as the whispers of the universe.
At any moment in time, I can feel the universe vibrating the waves of complete peace, compassion, and acceptance. Society is vibrating the waves of progress, connections, and movement. The people around me are vibrating the waves of simple desires. I can feel myself producing a unique and intense vibration of inadequacy, hope, despair, desires, and peace.
It's kinda annoying to be sensitive enough to feel people's pain and emotions, I can never hate or be angry at them fully knowing their vibrations. At the same time, I can't fully hate or be angry with myself because of the same reason.
I can't deny that I changed a lot this year and I guess I'm a little proud of it. Humm why does ego keep saying "not enough" just because something goes slightly off from its absurd imagination?
I did what I can. And this year ended in a flash. I still remember last year I was writing another end-of-the-year article. Now I'm doing it again.
Man, that was a lot of webtoons I read. I think my overall webtoon reading times should probably add up to two weeks or one month at most. Time really flew by with endless house chores, schoolwork, and webtoons.
I feel like I'm infinitely close to approaching the One truth of the universe, but regardless of how close I am, it always seems so far away.
As long as I keep thinking of my current knowledge as cool, as myself as someone super special, I'll never be able to break through.
As long as I keep thinking in terms of what's possible and impossible, inferior and superior, I'll never be able to reach the stars, much less the place beyond the stars.
It's like I'm taking my first steps as a baby, every time I try to stand and walk, I only fall on my knees. I can never comprehend how something so easy for others is infinitely difficult for me.
Thus, the greatest improvement and growth I gained this year, is a complete awareness of all my weaknesses and limitations.
My greatest weakness is none other than overthinking, to the point that my mind keeps searching for ways to do things without actually doing them.
I think in large-scale, long-term, and idealistic ways. Instead of simply searching for a solution to my problem now, I end up searching for a global sustainable solution to the same problem for everyone. I always get overwhelmed that I retreat into the world of webtoons and games.
If possible, I'd like to give up everything and just live in the mountains, being trained by a super martial artist to death every day. I'll prefer a physical challenge to a mental one any day.
Once I read a chapter of webtoons, or play a round of my game, I forget all my to-do lists for a few hours. My mind literally becomes blank which destroys my productivity.
Usually, once I wrote my problem or weaknesses like this, I immediately write a solution. But these days I realized that rushing to write a solution isn't a good idea. Sometimes knowing and writing the problem is enough of a solution.
I actually expected myself to be able to approach and talk to a person in the park this year, but not once in 365 days have I managed to do it. That was kinda sad. What's sadder is that I'm already out of energy to write and finish this article. Gotta take a rest.
I realize there's nothing to be sad about when we get tired and need to take a nap. There's nothing to be sad about being unable to do something either. It's just what it is and everything that is — passes by.
Now that I'm awake with a clear mind, I find it very funny that whenever I get tired and need to take a nap, I get annoyed and mad about it. It's like you have finished your eight hours job and you complain that you have to go home, how absurd.
Rests and naps should always be welcomed and enjoyed, they're the true "escapes" that allow us temporary liberty from the bondage of the flesh.
I have read in an ebook that the most important thing to remember while we are awake is that "we are in prison". The mind, senses, concepts, feelings, pressures, perspectives, language and everything we can directly perceive is the prison surrounding us.
It's the last life lesson I learned this year. It feels good to know that this is all just a prison. That means, even though I'm not free, there's an outside world different from here, it exists, and someday — I'll be able to see it.
No pressure, but I gotta complete all my automation before the school enrollment on January 5. I have to fully automate that game, automate the automator, then automate my device to automate the automator.
This may seem like another ego-possessiveness sort of thing, but I do it for funsies without thinking much about it or caring about the consequence. I'd like to have "Automation God" as a persona in addition to my other personas "Twilight Seer", and "Mad Scientist".
Think about it, just how cool it would be to become well-versed in the truths of the universe as well as in the arts of technology? Perhaps I'll be able to find a way to create a gadget that expresses this unique combination someday.
Hmm, I'm also thinking of singing, recording, and publishing my songs on YouTube on the second floor next year. My talent in creating formless and unstructured Soetry surprises me. Looks like I'll become a full-time content creator next year while playing games in my sleep using automation.
While all of it is great and all, the most important thing for me to remember is to take care of myself well in this prison, rest and meditate well, so that I'll be in healthy condition when I finally set myself free.
If I keep losing myself and my memories trying to escape life through pleasure again, all of this article will be for naught as I return to my old ways.
The prospect of the future may sound exciting, but the idea of living in the present excites me more. After all, the present is the only door in the prison that leads outside.
"Soetry is the combination of song and poetry, a poetry that is spoken like a song."
"Being the Light itself cannot be compared to simply reaching infinitely close to the speed of light."
"In a flash of fireworks, the night sky sparkles with everyone's hopes and dreams — the year passes by."