In the past 4 days, productivity rate has plummeted to a record breaking low, such that even deep thinking and deep writing activities have almost ceased to a halt. Thus, an emergency sustainability report has been deemed necessary.
Whenever the body wakes up at 5 AM in the morning, after the quick morning routine, it starts to reply to every received message until 7 AM. From 7 AM onwards, the mind enters a state of hazy drunken stupor, that will switch back and forth from various activities until 10 AM. The mind then, preparing for the regular morning nap, uses the excuse that a ritual must be made before napping, and thus wanders somewhere fun and frustrating until 11 AM. Realizing that there's no more time for naps, the body gets up to buy and eat lunch, as well as wash the dishes.
Once again, the mind enters a hazy drunken stupor for a few hours while replying to every notification and message under the name of Generosity, when in fact the driving force behind such a ridiculous behavior is called Fear of Abandonment. The mind foolishly thinks that as long as it gives 100% to others, it would receive at least 10% from them, not knowing their funds and supply can run out first before getting anything in return.
Near the evening, there is little time left for anything, as there are regular fun requirements that must be satisfied. 1 hour of completing the daily quests and 1 hour of playing with an online friend. Since when they have become a regular requirement, the mind does not know. Alas, the lack of morning and afternoon nap catches up to the hyperaware and hyperactive mind, lulling it to sleep.
And now, here I am, woken up by the call of house chores and having finished eating dinner, sitting under the mood of sobriety, completely untouched by the endless waves of messages and notifications. As for how long I can remain that way tonight, I do not know.
When I look at the moon, do I see it as a concept, an idea of the moon based on what I already knew about it, or do I see it as a sense object, as a phantom projection of reality that merely appeals to my senses? I do not know. What I do know is that the objective reality of the moon, the moon that I will never see or comprehend in my entire life, has influenced both my conceptual idea of it and my perception of it as a sense object. Perhaps its conceptualization and sensory projections are not mere illusions to be dismissed or worshipped, but bridges from which this lowly and restless mind can slowly approach its true reality.
If it is indeed true that one contains the universe within them, then everything they shall perceive are merely distorted mirrors of their own being, mirroring and exaggerating a single aspect of themselves. To see oneself in every stone, in every blade of grass and grain of sand, is this not the greatest empathy one can ever have? Is this not the source of greatest compassion a mortal can ever hope to reach?
It seems we have gone a little off topic here. The actress wore the mask for so long that they forgot their own face. They have confused the stage for their life, that they cannot imagine themselves being an audience ever again.
Replying to every notification and message is unsustainable. Reacting to every demand and tantrum is unsustainable. Being in a hazy drunken stupor for several hours, especially in the early morning is unsustainable. Spoiling the whiny mind every time with unnecessary distractions and pleasure is unsustainable. Pretending to be generous when you are simply an anxious people-pleaser is unsustainable. Procrastinating by forcing the chatbots to every quote, idea, and monologue is unsustainable.
Therefore the final verdict is...
THIS LIFESTYLE IS UNSUSTAINABLE.
There are no recommendations or suggestions. There are no plans or structures. There are no tricks or calculations. Whatever happens next, you decide.