It's not just my job, it seems that I get tired often too much now, and my energy to make progress in my life and do new things is dwindling.
Basically, I'm feeling more tired and fatigued than usual, so much that I'm so easily glued to the screens when my family decided to watch a movie or anime, or when I want to sleep for one hour, then ended up sleeping for the entire day.
I'm still using Ten and preserving my energy as always, but gosh, my schedule is so completely packed that it reminds me of the 5 kilo briefcase full of books that I always bring to school when I was a child. Ahh good times, I used to ride that briefcase and lift it when I'm doing nothing.
Upon immediate inspection, one would say that the reason I'm probably more tired than usual is because of my new part time job as a tutor in addition to my daily activities of doing house chores. While it's indeed true that my body is feeling a little more burdened from sudden additional work, I believe that there is a deeper reason as to why this happens.
Let's take a look in the changes in my routine to provide a closer look within this situation.
These days I don't exercise in the morning anymore as I always do, because I try to take a bath early and prepare for work. My sleeping schedule is becoming more late as usual too, trying to play some games and have some more fun before I sleep.
This reminds me, when I was a student at my previous schools, I have a habit of eating cheap tasty street food outside, or even drinking a very tasty and cold pineapple juice that I bought. It makes me feels as if there is something for me to look forward after work everyday, that it's my reward for getting through the day.
In my current routine, I don't have any of that. I don't buy anything nor reward myself with anything. My thinking is that I should save as much money as possible, so I can buy an ID and get even more work. My supposedly innocent frugality has reached levels of obsession that even buying the cheapest food is considered materialistic and hedonistic.
Why though... I just want to achieve and get closer to my dreams as much as possible. I just want to focus on the most important things that matter and ignore everything else. So why... what's wrong with not spending anything with my salary?
No, there's nothing wrong with it tRanC, but the problem is, according to your "Theory of Thirsts" which you have so personally developed...
"Pleasure is a human need, a never-ending thirst. To ignore this thirst will lead to self-destruction, so our body and mind biologically and automatically find ways to fulfill it, even if we don't want to. And that's why, if you see someone very serious that they don't seem to have any fun, watch out — they're probably heading to the path of depression or doing something secretly fun behind the scenes. One cannot simply live without fun."
I suppose this explains the fate of unhealthy enneagram 1s, those guardians who have so devoted their lives upholding the ideal righteousness and integrity, that they leave nothing for themselves, will eventually betray their own ideals and become the biggest hypocrite in the world, their own worst enemy to themselves.
It wouldn't be any fun to become a random villain, would it? So I have a proposal for you, tRanC — how about we spend a few coins on tasty food for fun and delegate time for fun, so that our biological impulses and restrictions won't go out of control and betray us? I understand how difficult it is for you to spend a even the tiniest amount of coins, but think about the future.
Hmmm... that's an interesting proposal. As much as I don't want to be hedonistic and materialistic in any way, it's not like I have a choice. If I want to do more work, then I gotta have more fun. Working endlessly without any visible rewards will just tire out any human being.
I'll accept your proposal, I'm going to spend few coins after work now. I need to take care of my health and remain healthy enough when my turn to change the world finally comes. Plus I'm going to sleep earlier and exercise every morning, even if the exercise isn't very intense or long.
This way, I can do more things and possibly reach my dreams faster than what I was doing before.
"Ever overworked yourself to the point that the doctor prescribed that you have fun at least 30 minutes every day, thrice a day?"
"The seemingly little and unimportant things in life are not little at all."
"What's the point of life without hope? What's the point of work without reward? Balance is the key."