The last chapter of hiatus in my life, hopefully.
Tags: Personal, Situationalysis, Reflection, Moderate, Self-improvement, Problem-Solving, New Concepts, Unformatted
...and that's the story of how I wasted my entire afternoon trying my best to win the difficult bullet hell game Soul Knight while my body is screaming to get some rest.
That was incredibly stupid. I'll take responsibility by not playing more than one round of that game for an entire week.
Come to think of it, I've never found any mental exhibitions that would allow me to consistently deal with anxiety and procrastination.
I'm starting to think that the hardware is the problem, and not the software. I've already solved all the existing software issues, so it makes sense that the hardware is the problem this time. Oh if you're not aware, I used to tinker with computer softwares when I was a child until I found a working solution for the errors in Windows XP.
You see, the software are the programs and systems inside the hardware, while the hardware are like the physical devices that enables interaction with the software. Therefore, the mind is like the software, while our body is the hardware. Both are important.
Hmm from looking at the hardware, I can definitely see that my posture and hydration level is one of the main factors that affects my procrastination rate. If I can just maintain proper posture and drink enough water, then there's a good chance that my procrastination would decrease.
Though if we want to completely remove the procrastination, then we'll have to give ourselves enough fun, rest, while having interesting tasks we want to complete on the back of our mind.
As for anxiety, I believe that aside from the right mindset, it's important to know that the weird noises and movements our body makes when doing something new is completely normal.
It doesn't mean that our mind or body is somewhat broken nor unable to do that new task. It's just trying to process the new information in front of it, if you stop it just because it's acting weird, then it won't be able to process that new information.
I'm sorry to say but, neither the software nor the hardware seems to be defective in this case. It's the user, the greedy user who's trying to control every aspect of their life and environment as evidenced by the physical tension ever-present on their body.
Why though? Why is the user trying to read other people's minds? Why are they trying to control the decisions of other people? Why are they forcing themselves to control the forces of nature? Their bodies are made not to control, but to feel and experience. How difficult is it to understand such thing?
I think the designers who made our bodies should have a note written on it. Something like:
Warning: Please do not expect your mind to read other people's minds and do not expect your body to control other people's decisions.
I doubt it would work though, if only a simple warning like that could prevent human stupidity, then there would be no more wars and everyone would live in perfect harmony.
Still, there's a very concerning news that just happened this father's day: that my parents already paid all my previous university expenses and I now have to get enrolled in school.
Welp there goes all the job applications I sent yesterday and today. Guess my shortcut path to richness didn't work or I had too little luck and time to make it work.
Hmm I don't really like going to school but I'll need to earn myself some friends. The course my parents expect me to have is Computer Science like my last course, but I'll prefer studying psychology or sociology now. Studying to become a teacher would be great too, so I can get myself a teaching license.
AAAAAA This is awfully ducking stupid. School isn't the only place where I can get friends. Courses and stuff are actually just purely optional and you can get a job without them. Yes, it will be a little bit easier to find a job and be accepted, but spending 4 ducking years just for job applications to become tiny bit easier is just pure insanity.
Courses of knowledge, not skills, like psychology and psychology in non-prestigious schools are extremely lame.
They're just a bunch of audiobooks put together in a classroom and called as a "course". Unless you're lucky enough to have an extremely passionate teacher, all you'll get is a basic knowledge repetition of everything published in books.
Besides, I already know that I don't need any requirements or qualifications to reach my dreams. If I want to be a teacher, then even without license, nothing can stop me from doing so. These license stuff are just for the names and sheeps. Compared to a car, teaching licenses aren't plate numbers, they are group paintings and designs.
It's extremely annoying, but these people really want to make me play their games. They want me to follow standard procedures not because it's the best, but it's the easiest way out, not for me, but for them!
The most profitable way I can deal with this situation is to choose the rarest and most difficult course that barely anyone would like. It's going to be very funny since I'll probably be the only student in the room and get one on one sessions with my professors.
Besides if other people actually chose that course, then they're guaranteed to be interesting ones. It's like the Expensive Plane Ticket Effect — coolest people buy the ticket to meet other cool people, not to become a little more comfortable.
Unfortunately, my life isn't an anime and I probably don't have enough confidence to go crazy. Fortunately, I don't need confidence to go crazy, I just need to be chaotic enough that people would stop asking the rationale for my actions out of fear for meaningless conflict.
Ahh I'm kinda bored, maybe I should do that sometime. So anyway what's the plan? I think I'm going to enroll on the farthest school that I can go for me to increase my chances of having unexpected events like beating some bullies and getting my own dorm or something.
Whatever happens, I'll just keep living my life like I always do. Write articles, improve myself, and get a little closer to my dreams each day. As long as my mind remains the same, I can be confident that my life would also remain the same regardless of circumstances. If I want to change my life, then I'll have to change my mind.
"If your life doesn't feel like a spicy roller coaster, then it's probably a boring hamster wheel."
"Maybe the solution I'm looking for all this time isn't 'try harder', but 'take it easier'".
"Boredom is the bitter antidote for stagnation."