Some analysis of the world, I guess.
Cultural environment within my country/area is fully devoted to their materialistic hustle culture. Peer pressure is at an all time high. The rat race is at its peak. Demand for entertainment and escapism reaches their highest point.
Everyone seems to be retreating from something, being threatened by something, so they withdraw their consciousness and allow themselves to be consumed by their emotions.
In an effort of pretending to be rational, some choose to withdraw into their minds and be extremely rational/logical instead. Others withdraw into their work and fully focused on the future.
Everyone seems to be running away, withdrawing into their phones and work.
If you see everyone else running away, including your family, then won't it make sense for you to run away in their same direction as well?
No one knows what they're really running away from. They may describe it as a disaster, a monster, or zombies, but none of them really understood it.
Say, is it really that scary? Losing money, being hungry, isn't that scary?
We're all little kids, scared from monsters under the bed. It's just that, the adults uses different terms and better excuses.
The present. Everyone's running away from the present. Even writing this article is a form of withdrawal from the present, since I do not want to start my homework.
This world... is in a far dangerous state than I thought. Well, I guess it makes sense to be like that. No, it's actually impressive that this world didn't devolve further than this. Everyone's really working hard.
A person's personality is composed of traits/values, purpose, skills, experience, interests, affinity, vulnerabilities, and tendencies.
I believe that every person experiences the world differently, in their own unique ways. In this case, a personality's uniqueness is most revealed in what we call "consciousness fingerprint", the unique pattern in which they perceive and experience the world.
Then what about the pattern in which they respond and interact with the world? It's not exactly about habits, but it's about the general theme and direction of their habits. This, is what I call "tendencies".
It's funny how I observed it. I saw my dad who's either super angry or super chill, who's either watching videos about super chill people or super angry people. The consistency is awesome.
I can't believe it at first. I was like "why would u willingly choose to watch videos of angry people and absorb their negative energy?" But then I realized, as someone who doesn't interact much with real life people, I don't watch videos with real life people on it.
So what my dad's doing, kinda makes sense. I have withdrawal tendencies, preferring to take the path with least interactions just because 90% of my childhood interactions were all awful. So it makes sense, that my dad has some anger tendencies probably because 90% of his childhood interactions is always about people fighting and shouting.
From a psychological perspective, my dad doesn't actually think of being angry as a bad thing at all, just as how I think that being alone isn't a bad thing at all, because it is just "normal" and oftentimes "necessary".
For us, these tendencies are supposedly an important integral part of ourselves. It makes me unconsciously of myself as "Ooh look, I'll have to do extremely difficult things by myself again. Hehe that just goes to show how cool I am!".
So perhaps, there's also a high possibility that my dad thinks of being angry as an important part of his identity. It probably makes him subconsciously think of himself as "Grr looks like I have to show them which is the right thing by force, don't worry, I'm a morally superior authority, you can't win against me! Submit yourself and kneel! It's for your own good!".
Actually, I have myself encoded in my special scientist memory on how this might actually feel like, because I have somehow experienced it in some way. Here's the emotional patterns I registered:
So many years ago, I was unconsciously fantasizing of myself as someone who is a righteous sage and super self-improvement person. Then a group of people online decided to talk behind my back and spread bad rumors about me, and I somehow learned of what they're saying because of my spy.
When that happened, I probably unconsciously thought to myself "oooh look at that! They're something evil! Time for me to show them who's right and stop their evil deeds!" So basically, it became an opportunity for me to indulge and try to materialize my fantasy of being a morally superior righteous sage.
So yeah, I annihilated them in the online conversation platform by writing deep speeches that induce the maximum amount of guilt within them, making them most ashamed of themselves.
Needless to say, although it's just an online conversation platform, many of them reacted intensely and probably even got traumatized. Then after that I was like: "Holy sheep, I didn't expect this to blow up like crazy."
The most important thing there is the overwhelming spicy and somewhat pleasurable emotion you feel when you completely identify with your supposed persona of a morally righteous and superior human.
At that time, I felt like there's fire on my eyes, an evil grin on my mouth, and the weird feeling as if I'm a superhero of some cartoon, punishing some evildoers, when in fact, I'm actually just being childish and hurting other people for the sake of my own fantasies.
(Anyway don't ask how I come to know the unconscious stuff in my mind. Think of it as me being super conscious and aware with high psychological immunity.)
Going back to the topic, I hypothesize that my dad somehow feels the same thing or something similar to that. The impulsive and sudden tendencies to create drama, add spice, and set everything on fire, yeah I probably inherited it from him, oh well.
I think that not all tendencies are negative and that people have more than one tendencies. For me, I have withdrawal tendencies and I also have freedom tendencies, where I try to maximize my own personal freedom regardless of my situation.
There's no complete list of tendencies, so you can all make up your own words and terms like I always do haha. Just make sure to keep testing it against new evidence and experiences and update knowledge with better information.
Anyway don't worry since I won't do such thing again. I'm acutely aware of how my actions affect the mental health of others, and that's one of the main reasons why I don't regularly interact with others.
It's inevitable that I will disagree 99% of the time because of my combined stubbornness and uniqueness, and that I would not be willing to explain everything I disagree about because I know that most people are resistant to new ideas, especially the ones that are better than the ones they currently believe in.
I would not like to do anything negative as much as possible because I cannot take the responsibility for anyone's mental health. Although I'm perfectly capable of actually improving a person's mental health from zero to a hundred, I would not like to do such things for free.
Therefore, I'll only make my move and freely interact with others if they would be someone I can either pat, command, or play with for a good amount of time — or if they're somehow part of my experiments to "see how far I can go".
These days, I've become progressively aware of these limitations I placed on myself. If I were to only follow the rule above, then I won't be able to do much in life.
Thus, I've been trying to unlock more features on myself by performing more and wider experiments, specifically, I am trying my hardest not to care for anyone's mental health, so that I won't feel any responsibility to anyone who takes my neutral words and new ideas as a criminal offense to their existence.
"Fun fact: I finished this article exactly on 1% battery left."