Hundreds of webtooon chapters went past my eyes, the entire day passed as if I'm having a good dream — a dream so good that I didn't want to wake up anymore.
Next morning, I'm awake again. Life has started all over again. The same day, same routine, same food. Yesterday is no more than a dream, a good one at that.
Indeed, there's no way we can sleep forever, not even death gives us an eternal sleep. The fact that we are Awake and Conscious now, means we are bound to remain awake forever.
What about free will? Well, of course one still have their oh-so-precious free will. It reminds me of rich people giving excessive money to beggars and the poor, only for all the money to get stolen, gambled, or consumed the next day.
Just like what I do. Never am I an exception to the animalistic tendencies of mankind. Animalistic means to often identify as finite and perishable, thus life is but a means to consume and reproduce.
I don't know the exact truth, I do now know what I am saying — in everything I write, assume that everything are questions and riddles, not answers and solutions.
So they say, after this free trial of mortal life — we'll be given a choice whether to live for eternity for the sake of a grand adventure, with tragedies and disasters along the way, or you can sleep for eternity, ceasing to exist.
Two choices, good or bad, right or wrong, better or worse, it doesn't matter. While life may seem to have two or more choices, they all lead to One fate, One destiny, and One ending — to return to the same place where it all began and where everything will end.
Indeed, the second universal choice — cessation of existence, eternal sleep, also leads to the beginning. Perhaps you'll wake up again even after that, but no memories of what happened. I do now know.
Free will again? Of course, while everything may seem to have only One destination, you can do it in an infinite number of ways. The Universe concerns itself with the "What is", while you, concerns yourself with the "How is".
One who's born will definitely die, but how will you live? That's up to you. The universe doesn't care how you live, it cares only that you Live and Die, Sleep and Awaken, for the sake of some incomprehensible stuff.
Unfortunately, you're not a kid given a fake controller for playing the same game with the universe. It trusts you more than that. You are a kid given a super controller that can alter all the games in the universe. How absurd, I have no idea what the universe is planning.
It all comes full circle, I'm telling you. All thinking and philosophizing ends in the same conclusion. The same beginnings all reach the same ending, though in a much different way than others.
No matter what we think or do, we're all strolling in the same circle and ending in the point where it all began.
Is it a waste of effort? Is it regrettable that we walk not knowing we're walking in circles, only to go back to square one? No! Not at all! Let's say that for every lap we proceed in this circle, we reach a much higher state of being.
This won't do. Think about a businessman who works so meticulously to start his new business, but he failed in the end after a few years, ending in bankruptcy. He's again back at square one, but are all his efforts truly wasted? Did everything go to waste just because of failure?
Indeed, we are not living in a two-dimensional world. This is a three-dimensional world! There are no circles! There's only a spiral — an upward spiral of growth and evolution. Circle me failures and successes, it's the same One Spiral.
The idiots are the ones who circles the same day over and over again, who is aware that they're always ending at the beginning, but deluding oneself into thinking that they're actually going somewhere, that they're actually doing something, that their grades in school, salary in work, or smoothness of face, actually means something.
The smart person are the ones who are aware, not just aware, but honest with themselves when they see themselves that they're stuck in a circle. They don't tell themselves to do more work or achieve more things, but accept the fact that whatever they're doing ends up in the same circle.
And that simple, aware, and honest acceptance, is worth more than several years of effort and mountains of achievements.
Because they accepted the circle, then they have completed that circle — they automatically proceed to a higher circle of living without knowing it. Those who doesn't even know or pretends not to know the circle they're stuck on, can never know the existence of a Higher Circle.
If there's an idiot, a smart person, then there's also a wise person. The wise person accepts that they're stuck in the Spiral and no matter how much Circles they ascend, they'll forever remain in the same Spiral. Knowing this, they never mock, hate, or judge anyone in the lower Circles nor do they call themselves a "wise person".
By virtue of honest awareness and soulful acceptance, the wise person unknowingly ascends every Spiral, and no amount of paradoxes can hold them back. They still do not have the answers nor do they know them. What they have is an endless amount of questions. Yet their existence themselves — is now the Answer.
Truth be told, I have no idea what I just said neither have I experienced all of them. Again, treat it as a question, not an answer.
The question does not need an answer and the answer does not need a question. They exist by themselves, for themselves. They are independent, able to stand on their own. However, they are also interconnected. Two of them together is better than two of them individually.
Just like humans. A person does not need another. A man doesn't need a woman, a woman doesn't need a man, but they do want each other. They exist by themselves, for themselves. However, they are also interconnected, a pair of them together is better than the two of them individually.
Interconnected is not dependent. Need is not want. Just as how important it is to know that you are an Independent and free human being, it is necessary to know that you are still Interconnected.
We all came from the same Beginning eventually reaching the same Ending. Even if we don't have any relationship with other people, despite not caring about them, we still understand them, empathize with them. That's what it means to be Interconnected.
Independence, you already know. Loneliness and emptiness you feel isn't because you need someone, but you want someone. And this wanting, creates expecting, cause disappointment, thus pain you perceive. No biggie, tis' the Circle.
We are Infinite, Eternal, nothing of finite can ever completely satisfy us. They may satisfy us for a little, but expecting the finite to completely satisfy an infinite longing is perhaps asking for too much.
Relationships, food, webtoons — everything we see, think, and feel are all finite. Where does an Infinite like us, find complete satisfaction and peace in this world? None, nowhere.
Even the seemingly forced contracts of familial and romantic relationships aren't infinite in the slightest. One can easily withdraw them just like withdrawing money from a bank, though it depends on you if it's worth the hassle.
There is nothing infinite in this world that's simply passing by. However, the source of all that is finite, the Universe itself, is Infinite. The present moment, the timeless ground we stand on, is Infinite.
Above all, I am Infinite, as you are Infinite.
It is only Here and Now, through and within ourselves, that we may fully feel satisfied and at peace.
Here we are again, back to the beginning. Questions in my mind, ringing. Back to the pointless struggling, rambling.
Why should we wake up when we can continue to sleep and dream? Why should we work when we can just consume and have fun? Why should I be aware of this and that?
As much as I'd like to dream forever, I can't. By virtue of existing, I have to spend most of life being awake. If I die, they'll also wake me up in a different place.
I'd like to agree with the second question, but if that's true, then why do you have to ask that question when you can just consume and have fun?
No reason really, there's no need for us to be aware of anything, but you're the one asking questions and you're expecting an answer. Don't you want to be aware of the Answer?
So basically, all these questions are no different than asking why the sun rises in the east. While it's a valid question, it's one of those questions that doesn't really need an answer.
It's just what it is, we can't argue with What-Is, but we can probably change how we think or behave about it.
Perhaps the reason why we're asking questions, isn't that we don't know the answer, but because we can't accept the answer. Whether that's a good thing or not, doesn't bother me.
"This guy, can't understand him, he's just talking in circles."
"Reading this article makes my head spin in spirals."
"I can feel the intense vibrations of my one braincell trying to understand a single sentence."