Just another crazy article, don't take it seriously.
Tags: Personal, Edgy, Crazy, Reflection, Problem-solving, Decisive, Unformatted
I feel cold. The ones I usually chat with has suddenly disappeared. And the loneliness I've been always trying to escape from has returned. The emptiness is gnawing at my soul, belittling the purpose of my existence.
Bloody hell. I'm back to square one again. I lost my entire balance today because of the fear and shock from imagining that my entire life might continue like this.
There's really no escaping here, huh? Or so that's what the surrounding darkness and cold around me makes me feel. When in fact, everything's just an illusion, including this darkness, coldness, and helplessness I feel.
Terror strikes my heart and dread is consuming my mind. It's making me panic. It's making me think only on moving quickly and acting immediately to deal with the situation.
How lame, I've experienced this same thing millions of times already and I can easily tell which ones are real or not. I'll wake up tomorrow and everything will reset from scratch, except that I'll be stronger and less prone to losing my balance, just like I have always done.
I really want someone I can rant, ramble, and talk with anytime, anywhere without worrying about them seeing me as a villain or as someone who doesn't care. I don't always want to reply to every single message and cover for their weaknesses.
But that seems impossible, at this moment since I don't want to get it for now. What I really want now is to contemplate, to stare at this darkness and emptiness in the face and decide what to do with it.
Why does it exist? It's simple. Because no one knows that someone like me exist, someone who can actually think for himself and try to answer every possible question and problem.
I belong to the stage, speaking volumes about life, survival, and happiness. I belong to the meeting rooms and conference rooms, organizing plans and strategies. I belong to the round table, addressing serious problems that concerns a lot of people.
And finally, I belong to this world, to add more variety, happiness, and adventure to every corner of the world.
Yet I'm here. Rotting on my bed, all because I don't want to let others know my existence.
I am someone who has understood most things about humans and humanity. Tell me all your problems and I'll help you. Tell me all your pain and I'll comfort you. Tell me all your questions and I'll answer you.
No one knows in this world, that I can, honestly and sincerely speaking, resolve all their major problems they have been carrying for 10 years in just a week. No one knows, that I can make their lives 3x better than they are now by just telling them some important stuff they don't know.
Honestly, even if they were to know, no one will believe me. And if they found out that I'm saying the truth, they'll take advantage of me.
I understand them. I didn't expect myself to become like this either. Ever since I was just a child, I've always aspired to have a normal life, become a stupid human with lots of friends and bad at math.
That didn't happen though. A hundred thousand unfortunate coincidences kept happening consecutively that my life turned out to be like this. Just my luck.
Now what the duck happened to me?
I'm an error, a glitch, and a bug in this society. Someone who's neither a slave or a master. A complete outcast, someone who cannot belong anywhere just because no one expected my existence. Seriously.
Who would ducking expect, that I, tRanChor, at the tender age of 20, knows everything I have to know about life, universe, and society? Who would ducking expect that a random kid like me from a random household, would be able to resolve all their problems, this nation's problems, and the entire world's problems if just given enough influence and power?
Honestly, I'd love to escape my fate and become a stupid crybaby who's bad at math, gets low grades in school, and complains about difficult things. Good grief.
I don't react when I get injured. I don't complain when I do something difficult. I don't cry when the entire universe seems to have forsaken me. Oh gosh, am I... really human? Am I, still human? Oh what I would give just to have an ordinary human life!
Anyway now that I've won the staring contest against the abyss, I have decided what to do. It's obvious, since darkness and emptiness has been following me for the entire life, I'm going to accept them as my loyal subordinates and make them my strength.
"What is strength?" I've been constantly asking this same question to myself every morning while working out.
Is strength the ability to be perfect at everything? To have everything? To dominate everything? To know everything? That is not strength.
My true strength lies... from all the pain, suffering, and emptiness I have faced and will keep facing. My strength lies on the immeasurable emptiness within my heart and the vast darkness that surrounds my soul. (Hehe, edgy.)
Expectations, guidelines, and traditions, I don't have to conform to them. As an unexpected bug in this system, I can do everything I want. Everything, I want.
Let this emptiness of mine consume every living being alive in this planet. Let chaos flood the streets and let darkness turn into shadows that will reveal the true nature of humanity — a weak, vulnerable, dependent, yet adorable existence that will do everything it takes to survive and evolve to be strong enough to banish all the evils in this world.
"So much for an edgy villainous speech."
"Sometimes, I stare my problems in the face long enough until they scared and starts running away."
"It only takes one outstretched hand and a burning desire for an impossible dream to become reality."