I have brutally failed my day yesterday by sleeping late at 2:30 AM, reading stories that are not mine. Oh when will I finally learn that no amount of stories can satisfy me except mine?
I am terribly annoyed and drowning in sadness. My nose is constantly red, painful, and itchy throughout the day. My infinity ring broke apart weeks ago. I'm losing the motivation to write and finish my articles due to the increasing self-criticism.
The temperature at day is incredibly high while it's incredibly cold at night. There's an endless amount of homework that I'm always facing at any given moment in time. Deadlines feel like quicksand that's pulling me under the ground everytime I try to move and complete them.
Ahh... I feel like a miracle flower who grew in the middle of the desert only to wilt and wither because no matter how cool and useful it is, when it's left alone in the vast emptiness, it's bound to disappear.
Regardless, I have no intentions of dying too early or suffering for the rest of my life. I will survive and live my life no matter what. I am very sorry to myself for what I did to it yesterday, I accept all the consequences and punishments, and I promise that I'll never do such thing again.
From this day onwards, I shall dedicate myself to work at least 4 hours every day in consideration for my volatile and easily distracted self, but I will also ensure that I get an hour of rest every single day between work periods.
I shall prepare myself to sleep at 9:30 PM, then go to sleep at a maximum of 10 PM, comforting myself that I've done enough and there's still tomorrow.
Having understood the connection between unconscious thoughts, subconscious behaviors, and conscious desires, I shall allow myself to undergo a temporary subconscious-level trance when working, such that I'll never hesitate to complete my work while taking care of myself.
Following the eight human needs in my previous article, I shall get myself some sunlight every morning and if I woke up late, I'll be getting sunlight at afternoon. This isn't optional, I need photosynthesis to gain energy.
And the most important thing of all, I shall meditate for 20-minutes before work to condition my mind to focus, then another meditation after to condition my mind that I have done enough and I'm proud of myself.
I'll probably forget this a few days later, but as long as I can remember it, I shall complete my duty for myself, so that I may be able to live longer and happier.
Every person has their own complex personality needs depending on their personality. As someone who has developed a solid sense of identity, I have determine the following personality needs that I have.
To be human is to allow ourselves to feel every emotion, express ourselves, and see the consequences of our own imperfect but personal decisions.
As a human being, I am obliged to understand my own irrational ego, live my own life, and constantly struggle for the things and people I believe in.
To deny this needs is to deny oneself and reality, for that which we do not like or want will still exist even if we pretend not to see them at all. A person who says they cannot feel sadness is probably the saddest person of all.
Our eyes have to remain open in the face of both cruelty and ecstasy. We may not have chosen to be born, but we have chosen to continue living and see this story through the end.
 
To be Sage-like is to understand the truth of the universe, share it with everyone else, and live these truths with your own life.
I do not know if other people also have this need, but this need gives me the noble urge to teach everyone around me, promote higher values, and correct the paths other people take in life.
Having this need is extremely weird, especially for someone who has been conditioned to mind their own business and ignore everyone else. I see myself as an efficient and independent person who doesn't need other people, so I find it a waste of time to "care" for them.
Still, it somehow breaks my heart to see others suffering and destroying their lives because they don't know about that "tiny knowledge" that they should have already observed when they were a child like I did.Oh well, it's not my problem...
Perhaps, I can allow myself to spare a few seconds for them even if I'll never need them in a first place? Maybe treat it as an occasion of a rich noble who happens to accidentally drop their few gold coins while riding the carriage, who simply didn't bother to get it back, while the poor people behind are rejoicing at the few coins they got?
Hmm I see, that's a very interesting solution indeed, I'll consider that.
To be demonic is to get everything you want at the shortest time possible at any cost. It is the mindset that most CEOs and successful people use in their life.
The title is misleading, this was never meant to be "evil" in the first place — it simply is "demonic" in the terms of its methods that defies all expectations and common sense.
This is a very strange part of my personality that I rarely use due to its intense energy fluctuations. Everytime I fulfill this need, my life somehow turns around by 90°, so I would only care about this when it's really extremely necessary.
Perhaps it's really not "that demonic", but it's just really weird and crazy that I couldn't find any other term that fits. Maybe, I just don't like it when other people's eyes seems to spark when they see something shiny, then do everything to get it. Maybe I just don't like how other people's eyes turns into hearts that dissolves all sense of rationality.
Yes, I don't like it when my eyes spark or turn into hearts, yet somehow, it found its way into becoming one of my personality needs. It makes me feel as if I'm a Hunter, someone who constantly feels the urge to experiment on something test new ideas or hunt someone recruit someone into my company.
I still have no idea what I'm going to do with this insatiable curiosity of mine. It's like a nuclear bomb that I somehow found on my backyard but I'm afraid to show it others or use it because I'm scared of explosions, so I'm keeping it inside my garage.
Still, these are all lame hypotheticals and assumptions, mere manifestations of anxiety and fear disguising themselves as logical forms of thought inside my mind. In reality, everybody is too worried about their own lives to pay too much attention to crazy people dancing on the streets.
Since my situation is similar to being in a middle of a desert anyway, I guess it won't hurt to test nuclear weapons in this place?
During the past two or three years, I tried my best to live a normal life, thinking that I'm just a mere human like everyone else who should do what every other humans are doing. It's bad to be arrogant or show that you know more than other people after all.
After many years, I can now confidently say that it doesn't work, my life still stayed the same — doing what other people are doing.
It's sad that it would always annoy other people, but the truth is I'm psychologically and spiritually more developed than the rest of humans around me.
Yes, this 20 years old first-year psychology student who doesn't even have a life actually knows better than you about the best way to live life and be happy.
I know right? It must be ducking annoying. If I were you, I'll be ducking annoyed too. After all, "how the duck did this timid little kid knows better than me when he didn't even have this and that?"
Still, I've searched myself for years and years on how to make people less annoyed and guess what? You'll be surprised at the answer — people will always be ducking annoyed when something around them changes without their consent and it's not something I can ducking control.
Sigh, I can't believe I wasted years of my life trying to do something that can never be done, at least not in a million years — keeping other every person happy and not annoyed by my existence.
It's unfortunate, but it's their problem, not mine. I can't do anything about it, I tried everything I can, but I really can't. I'm sorry, so be ducking annoyed for all I care.
Now that I allowed myself to be what I truly am, this shall open the gates of change and the paths of progress.
Previously, I can't help or interfere with anything because I believe that I'm just an ordinary person like them, but now that I know better, I'll be able to do more interesting things that I haven't done before.
"Lol I'll pinned this article on my notes so I don't forget."
"Other people do not get to experience the consequences of your life, you do."
"Life is about enjoying your work."